


The Silence

by Misery_of_Shadows



Series: The Voice [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 64,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26406340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misery_of_Shadows/pseuds/Misery_of_Shadows
Summary: Nine Months... it is a long time. not the longest time Lightning has been exposed to while being far away from home, but in the comfort and nurturing environment of the Yevon Institute she has made great strides towards her healing after the events of the Purge.
Relationships: Lightning/Oerba Dia Vanille
Series: The Voice [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919275
Comments: 70
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Feeling a hand being placed on her back, Yuna just winced internally as she continued to spit into the toilet. She wasn't sure how she was expected to go on. But at the same time she knew that she didn't have a choice. No matter how many times it had ended like it did. She still had to continue on with this arduous process.

"Yuna. We've been going at this for nine months... we are scarcely a quarter of the way done." The blonde head psychiatrist spoke as Yuna simply rested her head on her arms. "I know... it is dreadful... I actually broke doctor-patient confidentiality last one just so I could tell Cecil and cry in the shower for her. But she lived all of this. Even if she doesn't remember it all... she still lived through it."

Sighing as she wiped the vomit from the side of her mouth, Yuna simply lulled her head backwards as she looked at her boss. "How old do you think she was... she couldn't have been more than seven... and they filmed her being raped... and then stabbing her to rape those holes. And even though that was the least awful thing we've seen on those tapes... and the terrifying thing is... every single worse one she remembers... and this was all to get her father to pay an amount that Lightning has confessed if the same amount was lost it would be nothing but a bad minute... and there are still over twelve thousand hours left... and there is still something that even her mind blocks out..." Yuna began as she just took a deep breath. "I'm pretty sure what respect and hope I had for Lightning's father not being a complete monster... is beyond eroded and as this goes on... I'm positive where ever he ended up in hell is still too good for him."

Taking a deep breath as she began to take a seat on the tiled floor, Rosa just began to lull her head back as she just tried her hardest to think about how she was meant to phrase her point. "Yuna. I know. I even knew the Farron family is filled with monsters... but just the fact that he kept those tapes... some according to Serah had been so worn down that it was actually difficult to match the segment to file... but just the fact that Lightning every single day despite all that has been able to maintain what sanity she has... it gives me more hope than you can imagine that everyone can be healed." Rosa spoke as she just sighed gently.

"She remembers being electrocuted... she remembers being drowned... being waterboarded... being gangraped by no less than fifty different men and women and even several animals... she remembers at least partially now of being forcibly injected with paralytics so that she couldn't fight them off to the point she is actually allergic to literally all we use due to exposure to it. And despite all that in which before we watched what we did... I wouldn't have actually felt anything but happy if she killed herself due to all that... but she has been able to get up every day. She is still able to continue on living with nothing more than PTSD and auditory hallucinations. If I ever have a daughter that was a tenth of how strong Lightning is mentally... I don't think anything will be able to keep her down."

"I'd say if i had a daughter even a hundredth of that level of mental strength... I'd be an ecstatic mother. Hell I'd be a happy person if Lightning just decided to give up and wanted to become a permanent resident here... I do know that if anyone ever wants to commit suicide and the didn't go through anything like what Lightning has they've lost all respect from me and deserve medieval level of punishments for doing that." Rosa said as Yuna just smiled a little and nodded her head in agreement.

"Can we please just stop this for the night? I know you want to break the two and a half hour mark... but any more and I just know I'll end up here as a patient."

"Sad thing is... you are right. I'm ready to break doctor patient confidentiality again... because everything is beyond fucked up and it is frankly doing nothing but giving me more and more respect for Lightning and finding it harder and harder to believe she actually found people she is fine letting into her personal space under any circumstance." Rosa said as she stood up and began to help Yuna into a standing position. "You okay getting home?"

"Yeah... I'll call Tidus. I may need to take the morning off because I plan to just stay curled up in a ball in my shower with a cheese grater to scrub this disgust off."

"I understand... but I think it is best we still don't tell Tidus. He isn't a doctor. And Cecil isn't even sure if I'm being truthful even though I've never lied to him before. Even when we were children."

"It is because if I didn't watch these things... and if Lightning hadn't verified them all unprompted by me... I'd say they are made up. No parent should be able to sit through that... and even fewer should willingly give their child to that when it would have cost them the equivalent of a penny from one of us..." Yuna said as she pressed the plunger down to let her bile spin in the bowl of the toilet. "Just... it makes me really glad for my parents."

"You aren't the only one and mine was a war criminal for the kingdom of Barron. Somehow I get that my father was a lot warmer of a person even though I've witnessed him trying to drown Cecil for not wanting to kill children... just... compared to what Lightning had... hell compared to any other father... short of the father murdering them..."

* * *

Wincing a little as she took a seat in front of the pink haired woman looking at her with a sense of exasperation. "Claire... I know it is stupid of me to ask this... especially because of how seldom we've gotten these...but can you just not get better? I swear if I hear another person asking if they can bulldoze an orphanage so they can start a mine... I'm going to scream. I've had to say no to that seventeen times since I got up this morning to different firms and their arguments are always about how it will further our family's wealth." Serah said as Lightning just chuckled softly as she leaned down to rest her head against the table.

"I am getting better... despite how hard it has been to get Rosa or Yuna to acknowledge my schedule... just because they are still on the videos... acting like they've never seen someone being electrocuted before... or force fed their own waste." Lightning said as she just took a deep breath. "Right. It is getting a bit ridiculous. But I wouldn't go that far."

"Claire. Please share it with the group. I still can't hear what your brain says." Serah said as Lightning just took a sharp inhale as she matched her sister's gaze.

"It was just saying that they are being childish to the point that their prestige should be stripped from them. All because I lived through it and they are only at like hour one hundred." Lightning said as Serah just matched her sister's gaze.

"Claire... if they made it that far... I wouldn't say that. But by my count... they have to be closer to the five hundred hour mark. I couldn't even get more than a minute... and Mom got barely more... and I still haven't been able to fully bounce back. And that was nearly a year ago." Serah said softly before she just took a deep breath and matched her sister's gaze. "And the fact you constantly say it got worse. I don't think I could watch more... let alone think about the fact you lived it... it is best I just imagine it as a nightmare that went wrong. At least that is according to Yuna." Serah said as Lightning just rolled her eyes. "Claire... I'm being serious. That was all kinds of messed up and I saw a tiny part."

"Serah. It is nothing. Most of those people are now dead. I'm meanwhile... how did you used to say it? Alive and here. And that does make a lot of difference for me. If it wasn't for you... or Mom... or Vanille... I don't think I could stay sane in here. Even with the daily walks Vanille and I take. Just the fact that I get to talk to you face to face... it does a lot for me." Lightning said as she pushed off the table before she just laughed a little at her sister who shook her head. "Serah... just keep telling yourself that they're dead and your big sister is here."

"But you went through things you didn't need to..."

"Our Father was a monster. That is something that isn't a very closely guarded secret. The only person who it was a guarded secret to is you. Everyone that knew him already knew that he was."

"But why me... there is next to no difference between me and you besides age and the fact you are dating a girl. Meanwhile I'm single."

Laughing softly Lightning just stared at her sister. "Serah. We are from a family that can state for a fact we predate Cocoon. We are the first family that is mentioned by name that still exists. And we are a family that up until us, there wasn't a female head. And before me... it always went to the first born. So if I died, you would have learned first hand what I learned." Lightning said as she could see Serah shivering a little. "That is one of the reasons I refused to die. I couldn't stand to imagine you going through anything like what I did." Lightning said as Serah took a deep breath.

"And I'm thankful for that... for all kinds of reasons." Serah began as she looked up. "And what is he doing here?" Serah asked and before Lightning could respond she could feel her blood running cold as she felt someone wrapping her in a tight hug.

Freeing an arm, Lightning quickly brought it over her shoulder shortly followed by the rest of the man as she quickly slammed her elbow into the shoulder blade to cause as much pain as possibly without breaking anything.

"Claire... listen to me. That is Prince Notcis." Serah said standing up taking a few steps backwards wondering how her sister could do such a fluid motion to cause the person pain but at the same time she knew from what she witnessed on the video she wouldn't think less of her. "He is one of our old friends that Mom would make us go on playdates with." Serah continued as she could see a large man in nothing but a waistcoat about to place a hand onto Lightning's shoulder. "I also really wouldn't do that if I were you."

Ignoring what Serah had said the man placed his hand on Lightning's shoulder to try and force her off the crowned prince. Bringing her foot backwards to kick the man's legs out from under him as Lightning grabbed his hand and quickly danced around him to pin his own knuckles against his spine and neck as she slammed their heads together.

"I warned you not to." Serah said in a defeated tone as she looked towards the doors to see Doctor Rosa storming into the room. "Noct, are you conscious?" Serah asked as she could see the man starting to sit up rubbing his forehead. "Claire does not like people surprising her like that any more. And she could have seriously killed you. What would Luna say?"

"Get the number of the truck that just hit me." Noctis said softly as he started to crack his back as he started to rub her shoulder. "Gladio... you alright? Noctis asked as Lightning started to look around with panic starting to seemingly set in as Rosa walked up to her as she held her hands out to show that she was unarmed to Lightning.

"Lightning... what happened?" Rosa asked softly as she got closer as Lightning seemed to force the man's head lower.

"One just hugged me from behind and this guy started placing his hands on me..." Lightning hissed as she started to scan the room.

"Serah... do you mind? I kind of need her to not kill my bodyguard." Noctis whispered as Serah tensed her fist as she had to resist the urge to punch the man for causing her time with her sister to be cut short.

"I can't. I told him not to. You two are the dumbasses that decided to poke a sleeping dragon. Did it not occur to you as to why the rightful head to the Farron household is in a place like this with the current head!?" Serah yelled as she quickly looked towards her sister. "Claire... can you just let the man go..." Serah said as she started to carefully walk around the other side of the table. Being a lot quicker to advance to Lightning than Rosa.

"They touched me... not again..." Lightning whispered as Serah could feel her heart shattering as she could see Rosa being taken aback.

Gently placing a hand onto her sister's arm, Serah just breathed a tense breath she wasn't even aware she had been holding as she wasn't the third victim within ten minutes. "They won't Claire. Just let this man go. Please. For me... for Mom..." Serah started before she whispered the next part. "For Vanille."

"Not again." Lightning said as Rosa had finally regained her composure and gently placed a hand on Lightning's other arm.

"Not again. Let's just go to Doctor Yuna's office" Rosa said as she felt Lightning releasing the man. "Sazh is just going to get these people to leave and I'm sure your sister is going to scream at them." Rosa continued as she could see Lightning just starting to wrap her arms around herself.

"Not again..." was all Serah could hear as the door closed and the taller man started to stand up Serah had to take constant deep breaths.

Seeing it close as the head orderly started to walk towards them, Serah spun around to glare daggers at Noctis and the man with her. "I should have you both killed and the city of Insomnia wiped from the map!" Serah yelled as her glare harshened. "I've gotten exactly twenty minutes with my sister in the last four months! I was hoping to get more but no. You two had to be complete and utter morons and ignore a warning and your common sense!"

"Serah... how was I mea-"

"COMMON SENSE! IS THAT SO HARD!" Serah screamed before she took a deep breath and began to relax her bawled up hands. "Seriously for a king that will be dealing with me if she isn't discharged by the time Regis passes on, you are incredibly stupid. You know she was a survivor of the Purge. And you assume the smart thing to do is to randomly hug a woman you hadn't seen in over a decade that you know has been used as a hostage and propaganda tool by a war criminal. Tell your father his next request is denied because you are incredibly stupid. Seriously chances are I won't see my sister again until Christmas."

"Serah... honestly... don't take my actions out on my Father. Or our people."

"Someone needs to pay the piper. Just because we are Farrons doesn't mean we are going to foot the bill. So either you are going to or Regis is."

* * *

' _ **That went... well...'**_

The voice spoke as Lightning just took a deep breath as she rested her back against the padded cell. "I'm sorry Light." Yuna said as she could see Lightning just taking a deep breath. "It is only one night."

"But they..."

"I know Light. But I also know how you react when you harm someone. That is why it is only for a night." Yuna said softly as she bent down to match Lightning's eye level as she had to resist the urge to vomit at just the part of the video she had watched the previous night with Rosa. Just the sight of Lightning never giving them a single tear as they all did unmentionable things to her. "I'll even let Vanille come down and you two can talk through the door. But this isn't a punishment. This is for your safety." Yuna continued as Lightning just took a deep breath and braced herself against her legs.

"But..."

' _ **Light, last time you wound up in the hospital after you accidentally smacked your mother's head against her knee because she surprise hugged you causing you to damn nearly break your own arm again. This time you actually seriously wounded two people. At least gave the two of them concussions. They are kind of right to put you in here.'**_

Sighing as she knew that the voice was right. At least to this point. "Promise I'll get to spend some time with Vanille? Because I hate being in these rooms. If I wasn't already insane..." Lightning said as Yuna simply shook her head.

"Light... with what I watched last night... and I know I say this every time... but it is already a miracle you are as sane as you are." Yuna said as she stood up and just sighed gently. "Provided you promise me on your sister's life that you aren't going to use it to hurt yourself tonight, I'll bring a book down for you to read."

"I promise... can you actually bring um... Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche? It is in my room on my nightstand. My Mom brought it for me last time she visited."

"Bit heavy for my liking, but okay. As long as you keep that promise."

"I will."

' _ **Bit heavy for her? That shit is super heavy for me... but as long as you stay sane. While some things are leaving it is still getting cramped up here.'**_

"Shut up."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"But it is stupid... you didn't do anything wrong." The red haired woman complained as she sat down on the other side of the door. Simply looking through the slot where they slid the trays of food.

"I wouldn't go that far Vanille. I did give a current crown prince and his bodyguard a concussion." Lightning said as she just smiled at Vanille's hand gently waving as if it was looking for something. Something that Lightning knew. Gently catching onto her hand, Lightning gave it just a gentle squeeze as she took a deep breath. "And Yuna said I'm not being punished. It is just because she fears what I'd do."

"Okay, I'm slightly less mad because you do tend to get very aggressive towards yourself when you hurt people. Like that time you accidentally threw me off your lap you needed fifteen stitches in your arm and that was just hurting my butt." Vanille said softly as she just took a deep breath. "But anyone that knows you knows that you aren't very keen on surprise hugs or people touching you when you aren't expecting it."

Taking a deep breath, Lightning gently shook her head as Vanille gently pulled their joint hands through the slot. "In Noctis' defence... the touching thing is fairly new. Last time I saw him it was before the Purge. And I can guarantee that Serah already screamed at him enough." Lightning said with a light laugh as she could just hear Vanille gushing a little.

"Doesn't mean if I don't run into him I'm not going to scream at him. Who goes into an Asylum and hugs a patient? One that he hasn't seen in years?" Vanille spoke softly as she raised Lightning's hand gently to just smile as she dragged her thumb over the knuckles. "Your knuckles seem to be healing up nicely though. And your nails were so pretty when they were green." Vanille pouted as Lightning just smiled at her.

"I disagree. It is stupid to colour them... and my knuckles are healing because I stopped throwing my fists into the wall out of anger." Lightning said as she gently just took her hand from Vanille's to gently just cup her cheek. "And Vanille. He is the crown prince of a kingdom thousands of miles away. I don't even know why he was here."

"That would be my doing." A voice came that caused Lightning to quickly try and rip her arm back into the room. She knew the voice pretty well. "Sorry about Prince Noctis. Although from what I've been told he is regretting what he did a lot more than you." The man spoke as he slid a tray into the room. "So before you dig in... do you mind telling me how you know him? Because from what i know of the prince, which has been just over a decade, I don't recall ever dealing with any Farron bar for a Serah and a Claire."

"That would be my younger sister... and unfortunately that is my real name respectively... and I am the head of the family technically. I just don't know how much of a relationship I have with most of the crown princes and princesses. Don't tell me he is the huggy type of person." Lightning said as the chef just chuckled.

"No. That surprised me as well to hear. When he was eight he was involved in an accident and became a very distant individual." The chef spoke as he glanced towards Vanille. "You should probably go up and get some dinner Vanille."

"No. Yuna said I can stay down here until she or Rosa comes and gets me." Vanille said as Lightning just shook her head gently at what she just knew was her sticking her tongue out at the man.

"Sorry about her. She is just a little mad. Something compounded by the fact I only have one book in here and it is a book about philosophy. And specifically about the perception of humans and if anything we do can be categorised as truly good or truly evil because we only ever seem to look at the intent or the aftermath instead of the whole picture." Lightning said softly as the man shook his head.

"Plus because of one poopyhead you are in solitary because you've got a nasty habit of hurting yourself when you hurt others. And turns out he is some friend of Ignis'... doesn't make it less of me screaming at him if I ever saw him." Vanille pouted as Lightning just chuckled, shaking her head.

"He'd probably take it on the chin. Largely because we've witnessed Serah getting furious before and people who say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned have never seen a scorned Farron. And technically I'm employed by him. I am a royal caregiver. I just took a forced sabbatical when his father wanted him to go to college." Ignis said as he began to stretch. "And unfortunately today is meant to be my last day here. They were coming to get me because he is set to wed Lady Lunafreya in a year's time and Noct wanted to go on a road trip. Probably under orders of Regis. Speaking of which, do you think Serah will be at the wedding?"

"If she was invited, probably. She is a sucker for weddings. Or at least my mother would if Serah couldn't due to the fact that she now feels figuratively the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was just saying how she was mad because she was forced to be the mediator for peace talks between Archadia and Niflheim."

"That would be stress inducing. But I did hear the talks went without a hitch. Which is impressive considering they were moments away from going to full out war with each other and you do not want to have two powers like that going for each other's throats." Ignis said as he started to stand up that Lightning could see. "Vanille. I might not see you again. Just, if you do scream at Noct... it is best to use his soon to be wife."

* * *

" _Come on Reginald! This is your daughter! We've got less reason to keep her alive_ " The male voice said as Rosa began to shiver a little as she paused the video.

"I can see why she breaks down around Kramer. Cid has only appeared for six hours and dear gods is he one of the worst. And he looks just like Kramer." Rosa said to herself as the door opened and she could see Yuna walking into the room. "How is she?"

"Fine. She was reading Nietzsche when I last saw her. Her blood sugar is at an acceptable level for her." Yuna said as she shivered a little. "What are you doing with the video?" Yuna asked as Rosa just held her hand up to stop Yuna questioning.

"I'm still studying some of the older scenes... or at least the first ones we watched. I'm just at the stage where Cid proceeded to hang her and electrocute her as she just laughed and for once I seriously don't want to know what she is covered in..." Rosa said as she just took a deep breath. "Also to remind myself that we can't punish Lightning for doing what she assumes is defending herself when people invade her personal space like they did. It was even a little cathartic to see her absolutely destroy those men for doing it." Rosa spoke as she reached over to simply turn the disturbing media off.

"Serah even warned the big guy to not do that. But apparently the first guy is a prince who Lightning and Serah both knew for a long time before then and that was just the first time he saw Lightning since before all of this." Rosa said as she pointed towards the television.

"That doesn't really excuse anything..." Yuna said as they could hear a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Rosa yelled as she could see the door opening to reveal Sazh and a finely dressed man next to him. "Ignis, I thought your final shift ended half an hour ago." Rosa spoke as the man just smiled faintly before he bowed gently.

"It did, but I was helping out in the kitchen and I want to apologise for Prince Noctis' actions. I may be his royal caregiver, but that doesn't mean I won't give him a good lecture and inform his soon to be wife about this incident. Apparently he was deeply worried when he hadn't heard about Lightning nor how she had been after the news coverage about her recovery after the Purge and his normally cold emotionless front feel. I have already explained these things to the Lightning and she seemed accepting that he didn't mean ill will towards a stranger and instead was shocked to finally see an old friend for the first time in a long long time."

"Roughly how long?" Yuna asked just wondering how or more importantly what memories Lightning might have suppressed.

"Before I knew him. So you are looking at close to twelve years. Thirteen maybe. I'm sure if you asked Serah Farron she could give you a better number. Or I could ask Noct. Possibly Luna might know but there is no guarantee."

"Don't. Just... if you do need a reference for anything or if you would like to come back, don't hesitate Ignis. While Kain may not be overly keen on people I do know he enjoys working with you." Rosa said as she stood up and gently reached across the table as the man walked over and accepted the hand.

"I shall keep it in mind. As I enjoyed working with him. But my first duty has always been to the crown of Lucis and to the people within its domain." Ignis spoke as he took a simple deep breath. "Although it will be a bit hard to go back to simple things and even simpler meals... but I'll be happy to do it."

"Goodbye Ignis. And tell your friend and his bodyguard, they are lucky because Lightning could have seriously killed them. And I don't mean because of her family. I mean she has been trained to actually fight and kill. And has taken out a number of ex-special forces. One of which had the jump on her and almost got a hit in." Yuna said as she just took a deep breath as she could see the man just smiling at her. "I'm not joking."

"In all my time, I've never seen anyone being able to keep Gladio down for long except one man. And he is currently the bodyguard of the current king of Lucis." Ignis said, taking a deep breath, "So I assure you. I'll be saying that amongst so many other comments. And I can almost guarantee that Cor will be in agreement." Ignis said as he walked towards the door. "Goodbye doctors."

Seeing him walk out of the room with Sazh, Rosa just took a deep breath and began to rub her eyes. "Gods be damned if he thinks that is even close to a joke. If I was in Lightning's shoes... I'd be a lot more fast and loose with that when people touch me. Almost broke Tidus' hand last night when he tried to hug me asking what was wrong." Yuna said as Rosa just nodded her head in understanding. "Why are you torturing yourself though? This is the third time you've watched parts by yourself."

Sighing as she looked up at Yuna. "Besides hoping to desensitize myself to what she went through? Just hoping I can find something that can just let me grasp what is the absolute lowest someone can be and still be considered human. Plus I might find something that allows me to grasp why Lightning still has that survival instinct in the form of the voice... six going on seven years after the Purge ended."

"I mean... and I hate to use this term to describe him... her Father died just over a year ago. And the fact he kept this... and what Lightning said about him and you... I'm pretty sure anyone would need to maintain that survival edge and always be on their feet around him." Yuna said as she shivered gently before taking a deep inhale. "I mean who in their sane mind would keep these videos and even flaunt the fact they still have them to the thankfully but shockingly the only living person in them."

"I know. Believe me. I know it is shocking that Lightning still fights so hard to live. Despite how it has gotten to the point where we need to keep her in solitary for a night every time she injures someone accidentally... but after watching some parts five or six times... I wouldn't be scolding Lightning for harming people. I'm still shocked she could let anyone into her personal space under any reason. But her family... Vanille... even occasionally us and a few patients and orderlies... after she went through that?" Rosa said pointing to the turned off television. "I mean I counted thirty times she was stabbed and had something shoved into the wounds last night including multiple penises. And she can actually stand people even touching her once she gets past minor skin crawling... could you imagine how you would be able to handle that?" Rosa asked as Yuna shivered gently. "I know how I'd do it. A length of rope and a rickety stool."

"Just the thought of that being actually done to anyone is enough to cause me to vomit again, let alone to a child that hasn't even started puberty... but I wouldn't leave it up to chance like that... a gun in mouth. And I don't mean something small like a pistol. I mean I'd actually figure out how to rig a shotgun to blow my brains out. I actually don't care how messed up Tidus or Auron or Lulu or even Wakka would get seeing or hearing that is how I chose to end it." Yuna said as she just took a shaky breath. "I'm still surprised that she hasn't lashed out at Vanille yet. Because Vanille is still doing those surprise hugs."

"Remember when the hardest thing we had to do was explain to her that being attracted to women isn't the worst thing? I really miss those days. I also miss the days when we ignorantly assume that these videos weren't going to be that bad. Back when birds used to sing... and just the simple touch of my husband didn't make me feel ready to violently get sick... even tempted to risk the lawsuit and ask Kramer if he could get plastic surgery to change his face any. I'd even pay for it."

"I'd go half on that. The scary thing is... according to him... they had identical upbringings. Even down to the schoolings. The only difference is... Kramer got punished more often for doing something he enjoyed over his brother's well being. Like taking care of injured animals... and his brother just tended to injure said animals. Brings up the nurture versus nature debate."

"Yeah. I'm actually a little glad that Vanille has caused her to open up and trust more. Even though, if that relationship fails... I fear what we'll need to pick up. Literally the only solace is the fact Serah seems just as happy about her progress as she is." Rosa said as she just took a deep breath. "You might want to leave unless you want to continue on from where we left it last night."

"Might as well. I'm not sleeping tonight anyways and haven't eaten yet. I'm on call."

"I guess it is better than nothing. Just... try and get over the hour mark please."

"It is a lot easier if we aren't on a twisted rape moment in her life. I'll take the torture... or hell her eating one those rats she caught and her bedding. Or hell her needing to patch herself up." Yuna said as she took a deep breath. "Remember those days when we couldn't say that because we thought torture was the worst? Those days seem so far away."

"They really do."

* * *

_Skipping the rock in her hands across the sea, Lightning just took a deep breath as she looked towards the small corporal form sitting in the wet sand. Just leaning back and staring at the sky._

" _ **I figured once you remembered my name... you would have used up everything for me... except what you made me swear to never let you remember."**_ _The voice spoke as she looked towards the pink haired woman._ _ **"Or at least you'd stop bringing me here... could you at least give me something different to wear?"**_

" _I don't know why we are here. I have to admit though... it is nice not seeing_ _anything_ _but grey. Grey and grey and grey." Lightning said as she took a few steps back to sit on the drier sand. "And if it was that easy to get rid of you... don't you think we would have been done here already?" Lightning continued to speak as she just sighed gently. "As for the whole you being in something different... I've got no idea. I'd love to no longer see you as my younger sister."_

" _ **Trust me Light. I like the colour too... this place used to be so depressing. And the whole Serah thing... that is barking up the wrong tree. I don't want to look like her... I guess when you gave me this form that was the easiest appearance for you to talk to but you didn't want to confuse me with your real sister so you put me in something even she wouldn't wear and you latched on. Once you grasp something it is impossible for you to let go of. I think that is why you held onto the hope your Dad loved you for so long."**_

" _Was I ever that stupid?"_

" _ **Yes. Yes you are. Everyone is at one point. But your captivity should be over soon. Might want to get up."**_

" _You're right."_

" _ **Of course I am. I'm the smarter you."**_

" _Whatever Lumina."_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Jumping at the feeling of the hand on her back Yuna spun her head around and had to suppress the urge to vomit. "Kramer. Please... don't." Yuna said covering her mouth again as she took a deep breath to try and suppress her urge to vomit. "Seriously what was wrong with your brother?" Yuna said covering her eyes to just avoid looking at the man.

"Lots of things ended up being wrong with him. Like lots of things. Why? Find anything new out?" The man asked as he got comfortable as he rolled his eyes at the sight of Yuna holding up a folder to just prevent them from looking at each other. "And is this seriously necessary?"

"Kramer... I know you aren't your brother. But seriously... with the shit he put Lightning through... and the fact he recorded it. I mean until I saw him doing it, I didn't even know what greenbacking meant. And I mean that in both the sexual way and the act of taming a wild horse. And the fact he did them both to a little girl... repeatedly. And then electrocuting her... over and over again. Not to mention the drowning... And I'm not even near the end and dear god I'm shocked Lightning hasn't killed herself seeing you because you both look identical. And the terrifying thing is... Cid wasn't the worst." Yuna said as she just took a deep breath.

"Yeah... Cid was always bad. But how is that one girl holding up?"

"She is in solitary right now for her own safety because someone walked up to her and abruptly hugged her which lead to her defending herself. Which leads to her normally attacking herself. And in my opinion she had a very tame reaction. Because those videos are... dear god if I had to watch them without a break to collect my thoughts and vomit, I'd be in here as a patient. If not the south building. It is a miracle that Lightning is as sane as she is."

"How much of a miracle? I know at the end my brother was awful... but I don't like to imagine he was really that bad at the start of the Purge." Kramer asked as Yuna just took a deep breath and began to shiver.

"Kramer... trust me... him during the trial seems so much better. I literally can't even look at you right now. What was with his fascination of breaking ribs on Lightning to prevent her breathing properly? And I know I could lose my license just by talking to you about this... but come on." Yuna said as she just took a deep breath. "I mean yes I want to help Lightning. I really do. But... the more we watch of that tape. The more I can feel what hope I have that everyone deep down is good and is repulsed by evil acts fade away... but I swear that woman has more proof than anyone that people really aren't and you just want to hug her but you know you can't unless she wants it because otherwise you are going to trigger something bad and I can't stress this enough just watching the videos has been enough to make me and Rosa both vomit... but her Father kept them and watched them and she lived through it all. And more and dear gods if anyone had a valid reason for suicide. I mean people were being instructed on where to stab her as so they could rape new holes without killing her and she just laughed."

"It still can't be that bad. I mean you know me Yuna."

"Kramer... I've seen and heard legitimately awful things that don't hold a candle to that footage. I once saw a man stab himself in the chest to pull out his beating heart claiming it would grant him access to the kingdom of hearts... but dear gods is that tame. Seriously... If it wouldn't be asking too much of Lightning or risking my entire livelihood from countless lawsuits. I still wouldn't show you any because no one should be able to see it."

"Is it seriously that bad?"

Using her free hand to cover her mouth, Yuna started to take some deep breaths. "Kramer, seriously just seeing you makes me want to vomit. And I know you aren't your brother, and I know you are one of the nicest people. I've even met your wife and am the godmother of your daughter... but seriously... I just watched some of it and I legitimately can't even really talk to or see you right now." Yuna said softly as she just took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Kramer. Just... give me like a day. And I should be back to my old self. Or at least enough to where I can talk to you."

"Okay."

* * *

Cracking her arm gently, Lightning took a deep breath as she could see the door opening to reveal Yuna standing there with a clear urge to hug her. Something that made Lightning just shiver at the thought of. "You watched more didn't you?"

"Wasn't sleeping anyways... and Rosa and I both did. Just... can..."

"Yes you can hug me... just not a long one." Lightning said as Yuna walked into the room and just wrapped her arms around Lightning giving her as tight of a hug as she felt comfortable with given everything about Lightning. She was just happy that Lightning had returned the hug. "I wish you would stop needing these after you watched more."

"You were stabbed and electrocuted and had several false ribs broken so you couldn't breath right and you were just laughing. So they waterboarded you using your own blood." Yuna said softly as Lightning just started to laugh a little.

' _ **I remember that. Gods was that fun... that was about when we started to get better acquainted.'**_

"I remember it too..." Lightning whispered as she began to worm herself out from Yuna's grasp. "And in my defence it was really funny to me because by that point I already figured how much I meant to my father and they still didn't get it."

"That doesn't make it any better. If anything it makes it worse." Yuna said as she just took a deep breath. "Remember you are with me at nine, and then a double block with Rosa before lunch. If there are any problems you will need to go to Rosa after lunch. Because I will have been on for twelve hours and I need a really hot shower and like the type of steel wool used to clean car engines of rust and a cheese grater."

"Why do you always do this? That wasn't that bad. I mean... if my memory serves me they gave me a good two hours of sleep. I mean some of that they didn't even give me that. Once it was after two weeks without eating and I had to eat a rat that I had as a... I guess you'd call it a pet." Lightning said as she started to walk out of the room as she could see Yuna almost wanting to lunge in for another hug. Something that Lightning just had to put a stop to. "No more hugs right now. I... I just can't. I don't like the touchy feely stuff. You know that."

"If I ever meet the gods that decided to do that to you... I swear I'm going to kill them. I mean I literally had to tell Kramer to buzz off because I was going to vomit just looking at him and I get why you break down the way you do around him." Yuna said as she followed Lightning out. "And I maintain if I ever have a daughter who is even a fraction as strong as you are... I'll be one happy mother. You know if I can ever look at my husband naked again without just feeling the urge to run and hide in the shower as I cry." Yuna said as she just shivered before she shook her head and started to walk towards the elevator.

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I couldn't afford to break down. A Farron must never seem weak. We are the backbone of the world and must appear to be strong. Plus I still get really freaking giddy just thinking that my Father is dead." Lightning said as she started to laugh before she covered her mouth and took a deep breath to just calm herself down. "Okay. I'm good. I'm good. I know you don't like it when I laugh about his death."

"After what I got done watching last night... laugh away for a bit." Yuna said as she took a deep breath and just smiled at the sight of Lightning quickly running into the corner of the elevator. "Seriously... what was his issue?"

"When you are from a family that can and in his case probably has killed people with no consequences you tend to think nothing is off limits when it comes to decency... or even basic human emotions. I mean my Mom said she is glad me and Serah don't take after him in that regard... although I'd still would have loved to have gone to his funeral just to laugh and laugh. But Mom was right... I would not be able to make that many train trips in such a short time... plus probably would be banned from that church. Kind of like how I got banned from the hanging grounds of Dysley after they caught me laughing too hard and they were sure I broke something."

"I didn't even know you could be banned from execution grounds. But given who it was about... I'll allow that as well. And seeing as how skinny you were in the footage I've seen... and you said there is about a year after the last one was filmed... I could only imagine that you could have seriously hurt yourself from laughing." Yuna said as the doors closed.

"It was more so a polite asking if I could leave and get checked by the paramedics on sight. Mostly because I was still really really skinny because from the time I was awoken to then it wasn't very long to get weight back on... also pretty sure I was still on a super restricted diet just to get my weight back up to healthy. And some IV stuff... because if I remember right I was like the weight of a slightly underweight three year old and just above death from starvation."

"According to your medical records that point was long since past." Yuna spoke seeing Lightning just look at her with a sense of confusion. "According to the records we got which were just after you were rescued, you had a body mass index of someone that has either extreme anorexia and is on the verge of death, or are in fact dead. Because at no point should a young woman's be as low as yours was." Yuna said as Lightning shrugged her shoulders. "Seriously... one of these days you are going to run out of ways to surprise me Lightning... just please let the rest be good surprises. Like if you had a child and you didn't want your sister to be the godparent and would rather me... or I don't know... you have a drug addiction and need a material witness during the court case and for whatever reason it is a court in a jurisdiction that the Farrons don't own..."

"Pretty sure there aren't many of those left. Especially because Serah has messed up a bit and managed the impossible and got more wealth for our family."

"Yeah, a happy surprise like that. Didn't even know that was possible. Especially because you guys are what... seventy percent of the economy?"

"Eighty under my father, eighty three under Serah and growing. And if I ever get control, chances are it will start to plummet as I return a lot of control to people... but seeing as how ingrained we are... that might also just raise the economy."

"And I thought I was well off with minor stocks that have been doing well... meanwhile I have a patient who is worth more than I could ever dream of seeing the number let alone actually have." Yuna said with a smile as she began to shake her head as the doors started to open. "This is where you are getting off. Enjoy your oatmeal. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Thanks Yuna."

Walking quickly into the room, Lightning just smiled at the lack of the people as she walked up towards the counter where she could see the head chef already grabbing a bowl to fill with what Lightning felt like she needed.

"How was solitary? Heard you broke a guy's skull with another one." Kain said with a smile as Lightning accepted the bowl.

"I didn't break anyone's skull. Just some guy came up and hugged me. Some prince or something and his bodyguard placed his hands on me and before I knew it I had slammed one into the other." Lightning said as she could see the man just shaking his head.

"If you weren't a Farron you could have started a war by doing that."

"If I wasn't a Farron I'd be dead a long time ago probably from starvation... certainly wouldn't have survived the Purge. Also wouldn't need to be hugged so much by Yuna and Rosa. Just from seeing some tape."

"Is that what has been tearing them up inside? I know it is going to seem like I don't know women too well... but I just thought they saw some puppy drowning that they couldn't save. Or something else that women normally are emotional about. Didn't think it was some tape." Kain laughed out as he sighed gently. "So do you know what is on it?"

"Me being tortured and raped from about ages six to ten. In some very violent manners... it was meant to be material to convince my Father to pay the stipend to get me back... but little do they know that no one in my family makes any decision based on emotions."

"Dear gods why are they watching something like that?" Kain asked in a slightly hushed tone. "Why would you even answer th... Okay, you know what that one is on me. I should have known better. Everyone has a reason to be here. Or in your case a lot of reasons. Namely being perfectly fine with something that sends most adult women into a place like this when it happens to them."

"You get used to things like that. But I should get eating the first bowl. You know how they get if I'm late and if they find out it was mostly from us talking."

"You're right. I'll see you in like ten minutes for another serving."

Smiling at the man's comment, Lightning walked towards the table she could see Vanille sitting at with a smile on her face as she started to bounce softly at the sight of her. Something that just caused her to laugh softly at. "Light, you're out. Nice. Let me see your hands." Vanille said as Lightning placed the bowl down as she just stared at the woman. "Seriously Light. Every other time you've tried to break your hands... or just bleed. Like a lot."

"Van. Think about it. If I did either I wouldn't be here and instead in the medical wing. Although... it is kind of hard or did you forget they did change several of the doors down there to have no hard surfaces someone could damage a part of themselves on."

"Yeah after you bashed your head into a window and gave me all kinds of awful nightmares while you were in the hospital. Seriously, I've been here a long time and have talked to many people with suicide attempts under their belt... but no one has ever thought about doing that."

"That is because it isn't a very easy way to go. Let alone not a very clean and painless way. However if you want to cause yourself pain, and be hurt... there isn't a better way in those rooms."

"It is honestly a little scary you know that." Vanille said softly as she just took a deep breath and pierced the pseudo meat that Lightning still wondered how she had been able to eat it. "What has you so shaken up then? If you didn't hurt yourself it couldn't have been from what happened yesterday."

"Yuna watched more of that tape and hugged me... which means that Rosa is going to want it too... and I don't think I can stomach more hugs from them. Why is that everyone's first response to comfort?" Lightning complained as Vanille started to laugh gently as she dropped her fork to just try and take some deep breaths.

"I love that is what bothers you the most. Not even the fact from what you told me, the videos explain where most of the scars come from... but it was meant to break a man who couldn't be broken by anyone but you years later." Vanille said as Lightning just shivered lightly. "Seriously... it is just a hug Light. You don't mind it when I hug you... or when Serah does... or even your mother. And I'm sure if he could physically do it, Vivi would have hugged you when he was here."

"I do mind it. I mind all those. Just because my first response isn't to flip you over my shoulder or break some bones doesn't mean I don't mind it. I just tolerate it from Serah and occasionally my Mother. You... I've got no idea. It took Serah months to be able to surprise hug me for a few minutes." Lightning said as she scooped up some of her oatmeal as Vanille just smiled at her.

"It is because you _love_ me..." Vanille said as she over emphasised love as Lightning blushed gently as she looked into her bowl. "And that is cute."

' _ **She means gay'**_

"Shut up."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Gently fixing her position on the seat, Lightning just took a deep breath as she proceeded to get comfortable on the chair, simply laying down as she could see Rosa leaning back in her seat as she got comfortable.

"You are aware there is a couch just behind this right? I don't mind which chair I sit in. Or which chair I need to move." Rosa said as Lightning just sighed gently.

"I don't particularly care. I'm pretty comfortable here. Plus you have that same look in your eyes that Yuna had earlier... like you are going to hug me if I let you and I really don't want or need another hug. Why do you both always seem to want a hug from me when you watch some of that?" Lightning asked as Rosa just took a deep breath and leaned back as she crossed one leg over the other.

"I know for me... it is a comfort. It is a reminder that you are in fact alive and somehow... sane... ish." Rosa said as she took a deep breath. "Mind you I'm a little pissed at Yuna. I thought it was my turn for the hug. But I'll chalk that up to her being sleep deprived." Rosa continued as she just began to rub her eyes.

"It wasn't that bad. Once you get used to the thought that no one is coming for you... and you can't escape... it just becomes routine. And at least my Dad did try and get it through to them that he wasn't going to budge on the topic... they just thought he was bluffing." Lightning said as she just sighed gently. "Those videos are what happens when other people try and play the game my family has mastered. Granted to an extreme degree... but the point still stands. You can't manipulate us and the only reason we let you play is to humour you... or to make you crash down harder. At least if you believe what my grandfather always said. And I tend to. He was a lot like me and hated my Father and his ideas that we should in reality start to apply pressure to some of the kingdoms, as to prevent us losing money if they collapsed."

"But your family isn't held up for money... seriously... Serah donated and I wish I was joking about this, one hundred and sixty million for holiday presents alone this year and to decorate areas and literally couldn't grasp the concept of how in reality it would cost much less than that... and she has promised to donate much more than that next year. Even showed me the trust or whatever you want to call it that she created... there was literally twelve figures before the decimal point... and that isn't even counting what your mother gave us or what both have donated towards understanding mental health and the campaigns to make it less and less of a stigma and somehow under her doing all that your family has gotten richer somehow?"

"I told you when my father died that as a Farron you need to be careful with what you say. Especially when you are the head. She also bailed out a Kingdom and brokered peace between several including two about to go to war. So in her helping and doing the right thing... we prosper... if she did the wrong thing, we'd still prosper. There is a reason people use the phrase _untouchable_ to describe my family... even if it has caused people to become vicious... up there when they find out we bleed like everyone else." Lightning said as she could see Rosa quickly covering her mouth as she just took a deep breath as if she was trying to stomp down her own nausea. "Which part?"

"The mentions of you bleedi-" Rosa began before she cut herself off before placing her hand over her mouth. "Just... I've never seen someone get stabbed so many times... and then..."

"That is because it isn't a commonly done thing. Unless you want to kill the person. I've looked it up a few years ago. I seriously doubted that I could have lived through it if I was a lesser person and wasn't filled with so much hate and anger towards my father." Lightning said as she could see Rosa just taking a deep breath. "You feeling better?"

"Should be." Rosa said, taking a deep breath. "Seeing as you brought it up, how are you feeling about me and Yuna still watching it?" Rosa asked as Lightning just began to grumble softly as she got comfortable all over again.

"I'm not crazy about all the hugging. So I've been stabbed and electrocuted... and drowned... and had multiple bones broken... and had to patch up where I've been stabbed. At least where I could reach. It isn't all that bad. You know once I figured out how to tie a stitch properly. And they typically wouldn't be that cruel until I was healed up again. Or at least until the wounds closed up." Lightning said as Rosa just sighed. "And no. That doesn't sound like a sad thing to me. People may be crueler than anyone can imagine... but they are also a lot stronger."

"On that front we both can agree on. The videos are proof of the former and you are proof of the latter." Rosa said as she just took a deep breath. "On a different topic, can you stop Vanille requesting a double room? I don't even support your two relationship..." Rosa began before she just paled a little. "Not because it is wrong to be attracted to her. It is however wrong to be in one with a patient while you both are healing because of the worst case scenario would send you both tumbling all the way back to the starting point."

"I doubt that would happen to me... the voice even doubts it. But any time I say something stupid and hurt Vanille it screams at me and demands I apologise immediately."

"Does that happen often?" Rosa asked as Lightning grumbled softly. It simply spoke volumes to Rosa without anything else needing to be said. "How often?"

"That I intentionally do it? Never. But I've said something stupid and ended up needing to eat crow a few too many times. I mean how am I meant to respond when someone asks if I need to write what she perceives as me just insulting my father and mother... despite the fact that I wasn't so I called her paranoid. And don't get me started on when I write a letter... granted I could have used more tact... and possibly less hurtful words... but she proceeded to nearly cry and I apologised that I didn't think what I was saying but she shouldn't be that paranoid. I don't hide things from her." Lightning said in a soft tone as she just started to sit up properly. "But even if those times still aren't overly common. Like once every few months. I'm just not fond of eating crow."

"Nobody wants to. But if you have to, how does the saying go? If you must eat crow it is best to do so while it is young and tender. Something like that. But I think the voice is missing out on the key issue. You need to see it from Vanille's perspective. She is someone who never had many things growing up. Things that people often take for granted. So she does have a low sense of self worth. Something that isn't really helped by the fact that you seemingly were given everything that she never had and extras. As such she probably feels like she doesn't measure up to you as worthy at points." Rosa spoke as she lightly tapped her knee as if trying to think about how she was meant to phrase the next part. "Added with the fact that she has the same nasty habit you do and tends to bottle things up for any sort of reason... so all that she tends to lash out when those bottles are reaching their capacity."

Sighing a little, Lightning crossed her arms over her chest as she just took a deep breath. "You act like I had a great childhood... for a decade people that mattered tended to not really care about what happened to me... one of which just actually wanted me to die... and the others just wanted me to suffer. None of which really cared about how I was feeling."

"I'm not saying you didn't have a valid reason as to bottling your emotions up. Which for the record you don't now. But the habit isn't something that is exclusive to you. Vanille does it more out of a sense of altruism. She figures everyone else's problems should take a sense of priority. Then when they break and we force her to talk about it... then she gets a little mad." Rosa explained as she just smiled at Lightning. "Meanwhile, you bottle things up for the fact that no one really cared when you were young and a case closer to being a martyr. At least when it came to your sister and now Vanille."

"I... okay you have a point. I do sometimes do stupid things to make sure Serah and Vanille are well looked after. But... people are beyond cruel. And who knows it better than someone who lived through a constant shit show of a life."

"With what I've seen of what you went through... I can verify. You can safely say people can be god awful towards others. But you also aren't the only person, and not all people are. Just because you have the potential to be an awful person, it doesn't mean they are. The world sadly isn't like that." Rosa said in a soft tone as she just took a deep breath as she looked at the clock.

She knew that this was going to be a case of a mountain of an uphill battle but she also didn't have very long on the time left of their meeting to bring it up. "Lightning, do you remember Cecil?" Rosa asked as Lightning just nodded her head. "He has asked if I could share some of the video with him. He is a psychiatrist and does understand that it can't leave his lips if he is given that privilege, and it would only be a tiny portion."

Taking a deep breath, Lightning just started to take a deep breath as she felt a little lost. "But he isn't my doctor... what is stopping him from talking about it?" Lightning asked as Rosa just simply smiled at her as if it was a trivial fix that they would need to make.

"If you are worried about that, I can organise a meeting later today where you can talk to him in my office... thereby making him one of your doctors. Or you can simply deny me the right if you would rather that." Rosa spoke as Lightning just stared into her eyes.

"Do you trust him not to talk about it to anyone? And in general trust him?"

"Lightning, I'm not going to say this because he is my husband and we've been married since before you were born or the fact that he is a veteran. But I'd trust Cecil with my life. No matter what, he has always done what he feels is the right thing even going against my father's wishes which caused him to be nearly drowned. And I'd go as far as to say that if he told me to jump off a cliff... I would know that I'd be safe." Rosa said as Lightning just took a deep breath to calm herself.

"If you trust him... you can show him whatever it was that caused you to gag like that just thinking about me bleeding. Just destroy the copy fully once he is done." Lightning said as Rosa raised a hand to cover her mouth. "What is so wrong about it?"

"A lot of it is. But I'll be sure to show him that two hour segment."

"Okay."

* * *

Sitting down on the bed, Lightning just smiled as she could see Vanille skipping into her room before she jumped up to fall down onto Lightning's lap. No matter how many times, Lightning had seen her do this, it still brought a smile to her face. It was as if this was the best thing that could ever possibly happen to Vanille and she wasn't going to wait long enough for Lightning to even move her hands.

Just wrapping Lightning in a hug, Vanille just took a deep breath as she felt Lightning return the hug the best she could with one arm. Something that didn't really matter to Vanille. She just knew that she was going to enjoy the moment she did have.

"Don't be mad." Vanille said as Lightning looked towards her with a slight curious glare in her eyes. "Nothing bad. Just I found out there are some new people coming in from the east building and I offered to let them eat dinner with us... and word has it Hope is the first person since my being admitted is being moved from the north building back here... and I kind of invited him to join us as well." Vanille continued as Lightning just took a deep breath and looked into the worried emerald orbs.

"Why would I be mad? Hope is a jackass that constantly thinks I'm the devil and wouldn't come... as for the people from the east building... why were they even there?" Lightning asked as Vanille just frowned and lulled her head back.

"I don't know. I couldn't find out. From the main theories... they just kind of broke down one day and just stayed stock still for months baring to walk around from their house to the coffee shop they worked part time at. And when they came to they swore up and down there was a talking fox that followed them around and even told one of them he should start jumping off tall buildings because he is stupid." Vanille gasped out in such a long winded manner before she simply took a deep breath. "They are twins though... so it was kind of weird that they had the same issue... but their mother became super worried about them especially because they said she was dead and acted like people were out to kill them." Vanille said before she simply nuzzled into Lightning where she smiled faintly. "They seem pretty nice though. You know not counting the hallucinations, minor suicidal tendencies and paranoia. Even though the rumours also say that they sleep in the same bed which according to you is a bit gross. I just don't get that."

Smiling as she freed her other hand to hold onto Vanille, Lightning just took a deep breath. "It is weird when it is brother and sister Vanille. At least depending on their age. It isn't gross if there is no relation between them." Lightning explained as she smiled at her as Vanille pulled back with a look of question. "So yes it is still fine if you sleep in the same bed as Fang or if it wasn't against the rules in the same bed as me."

"Good. And I swear the second they would let us, you would not get me out of this bed short of food... the bathroom... showers and that would be it. They would need to drag me to my group stuff... even music and arts and crafts." Vanille said as she began to bounce on Lightning's lap "So how has your day been?"

"Rosa asked if she could show Cecil some of the video of me being tortured for some reason. And any time I mentioned me bleeding she proceeded to just barely hold back herself wanting to vomit." Lightning said as Vanille just began to look at her curious. "Some of the scars you always love to trace when my shirt is hiked up are from people stabbing me and shoving things such as sex toys and penises into the holes." Lightning said as she could see some more confusion being present on Vanille's face.

"What is a sex toy? I mean if it is a toy in the bedroom when you have sex... aren't all toys sex toys?" Vanille asked as Lightning just chuckled. One that did let Vanille know something. "How far am I off? And what are they?" Vanille asked as she rocked Lightning to lay down on the bed with her just laying on top.

"They are things people can use to stimulate themselves to orgasm... or in some cases deny themselves of that... people are weird." Lightning started as she just took a deep breath as she smiled at the feeling of Vanille's hand suddenly starting to trace the marks that she had long since memorised of their locations. "As for why they stabbed me to use those holes... I couldn't tell you. You know besides just trying to be as graphic as possible to get a stone wall of a man to do something that he never intended on doing and instead watched that and so many others so much that it was apparently difficult to get them transferred onto one disk"

"When I say this I don't mean anything bad about you... but I'm glad he is dead. I just hope it wasn't a quick death with what he put you through." Vanille said softly as she just sighed happily.

"No one would assume you meant anything bad towards me. The man was a monster and you haven't even and hopefully never will see the tapes. Once Yuna and Rosa are done I already asked them to destroy it." Lightning said as she just smiled as Vanille began to let out a somewhat happy sounding noise.

"I don't want to watch it. I'm just happy you are here."

"I'm happy I'm here too."

' _ **Gay'**_

"Shut up."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Sighing gently as she accepted the cup, Lightning tilted her head back as she gave it a quick shake as she could see Vanille just laughing. At her expression. "It still never fails to amaze me how you can take that with no water..." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just shook her head. "Now come on... we need to get some new books... then you have that phone call... then we have dinner. And then you have reading to me time, which side note is one of my favourite times of the day... and then right before bed I have pester Rosa to give in time. Which is not my favourite part of the day."

"Then stop arguing with them every day. I'd also strongly suggest against pestering Rosa. She seemed a bit green around the gills today when I was talking to her. And seemed a bit fearful that I'd let her husband watch stuff." Lightning said as she spun around and they started to walk towards the stairs.

"I know that to you Light it is nothing much. But I think with Rosa and Yuna your... what was that word you taught me... begins with a b... you said it meant not caring. But I said that sounds a lot like a top women wear on Cocoon."

"Blasé? I wouldn't say it means the same as not caring. Apathetic would be closer. Or in terms you might understand, indifferent." Lightning said as Vanille just stared at her with a blank expression. "Right... now this is ringing some bells. I suppose if you split hairs, it does mean not caring, but not towards yourself but the world."

"Yeah... that is kind of your attitude... but... if it can disgust Rosa and Yuna... as well as the conditions you had disgusted Bahamut... then it has to be bad." Vanille said as they entered into the library where she was just amazed as she watched Lightning walk over towards a selection to collect some for herself.

Skipping towards one of the shelves, Vanille tilted her head to the side as she stared at the blue spine. "That looks like... a... 'D'... then the one after that is an 'i'..."

Feeling something about the colour, Vanille grabbed the heavy book as she started to look for Lightning just because she could pronounce it a lot easier than Vanille could with her basic understanding of what Lightning had shown her. Quickly finding her, Vanille held it out to her as she had to resist the urge to smack Lightning for the gentle chesty laughter that had started to come from her.

"I know how mean that seems Vanille. But that isn't a story book. It is a dictionary." Lightning said as she took a deep breath. "It is a book filled with words alphabetically and what each word means. And sometimes the origin of the word and how to say it phonetically. That is it. It is just something so fresh in you bringing it to me."

"I thought you said that was in those big thick ones... that I swear one of them weighs as much as me."

"The encyclopedia isn't really the same. An encyclopedia is more so for information. Like for example the parts of a chocobo's wing. Where as a dictionary is just flat out what words mean. Like blasé for example. An encyclopedia wouldn't have that." Lightning said as Vanille looked at the book. "Why don't you go to that one section I showed you last time."

"But those books look thin..." Vanille said softly as Lightning just smiled down at her.

"They are, but they are also meant to help people who are learning how to read. So they don't use big words, or words that are tricky to pronounce like anatidaephobia. Which before you ask is the fear of ducks." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just staring at her.

"Okay that has to be made up. Who is afraid of ducks? They are adorable." Vanille said as Lightning shrugged her shoulders. "Can't even think of anything traumatic that ducks could do... at least your fears make sense given your history... but ducks?"

"You'd need to ask the doctors Vanille, but in general, what makes a phobia a phobia is that it is irrational. Here, I'll go and help you pick out some books. I've got enough non-philosophy books to read to you for a week." Lightning said in a soft tone as she started to walk with Vanille down a different aisle.

"So if I didn't know what a word meant... and couldn't find you... this book has the meaning of them?"

"Yes. It will have what the word means and it will try to explain it in simple terms." Lightning said as she picked the book up and slipped it into the clear place for it. "But I don't think you'll encounter many difficult words in Rosetta Stone's books or any of the ones he published under different names." Lightning said as they walked towards the small selection that Lightning had discovered after Vanille had expressed an interest in learning how to read and write.

"Just, there are some that stump me... like what is a 'Who' meant to be? I always thought that was the start to a question... or that one music group that I've seen Fang listen to begrudgingly." Vanille said as Lightning just shook her head with a smile.

"They are a made up race of people in the context of those books. It is also a band and a question. Which book do you have there?" Lightning said as Vanille started to shake her head as if she was trying to figure out the words. "Sound it out... remember what I showed you."

"H... h.. ho... hope?" Vanille said as Lightning just smiled at her and gently shook her head.

"There is no 'e'... that 'o' makes a surprised sound."

"So it is... hop?" Vanille asked as Lightning nodded her head sagely. "oon... pop?" Vanille asked as Lightning shook her head from side to side again.

"The last word you got right. The middle one. Remember vowels are tricky and make lots of sounds. That 'o' makes the same sound as the 'a' in all."

"Hop... on... pop..." Vanille said as she just took great joy from Lightning nodding her head in agreement as Vanille just seemed to smile brighter. "I still maintain words are stupid. Who decided vowels get to make all the different sounds... and who decided that some letters can be silent?"

"Couldn't tell you. But people can make the same argument over all kinds of languages. Be glad I'm not going to teach you counting in some of the languages I know. One of them has all kinds of issues once you get past twenty. And when you get to eighty dear god does it get more confusing." Lightning said as they walked up to the counter. "Just be glad that it is a language you already speak because otherwise you then need to add in translations and it is even harder." Lightning said with a calm tone as the librarian quickly marked the books.

"I'll be happy with one language. It is already making my head spin." Vanille said as she could see the man just smiling faintly as he checked the book out for her. "How can you keep what... five... six in your head and are able to speak and read in all of them... three of which you can read to me in..."

"It's five and it isn't that hard. At least to me and my family because we are expected to know by the time most people are learning their alphabet. So it is just second nature to me." Lightning said as they started to walk out of the library. "And I can actually read to you in all. Just the other two I'm not one hundred percent sure about some translations. But in the context I can get by... I just don't want you to suffer all that." Lightning said as she started to walk up the stairs.

"Still... so much confusion... actually hurts my head a little. But when you call your mother I say you should totally tell your mother about the new people that will be tagging along with us for a while until they can find some friends. Because the last group drove you a bit batty until you told her." Vanille said as Lightning placed the items onto the nightstand of her room. "And, also tell her that my reading is actually coming along pretty well. Mostly because my teacher is so good. Even if she is a bit distracting."

"I'm not going to tell her about them because there is no telling how long they'll be here... and Rosa and Yuna are more interested in it." Lightning said with a smile as she gently hugged Vanille. "But I will tell her about you getting better at it because I know you actually feel self-conscious about it and the fact that one of these days you might be brought into the circles my family is known for stooping to."

"Your family gets curtseyed to... and has so much money that it actually could and probably has actually burned money." Vanille pouted as she wrapped her arms around Lightning. "And your Mom, while very nice you said was a princess... and meanwhile I'm just some bum and is from the back end of nowhere."

"My Mom isn't considered a princess anymore. She is a Farron by marriage. And technically that is a higher honour... but she wants me to be happy... and doesn't actually have any power... Serah does and she actually really enjoys being around you because you've made me come out of my shell and I'm paraphrasing here, 'forcibly opened me up as so I can become slightly more normal.' which is all kinds of confusing if you ask me."

"Your sister is nice. And so unlike you in every way. I don't really like her. At least not like I like you. She seems like she'd be a nice friend... but she also doesn't seem like she is as nice as you."

"Now that is something that I'll never get used to no matter how many times you say it. I'm meant to be the terrifying person people fear to be in a locked room with." Lightning said as she placed a kiss on Vanille's lips. "Now come on. Don't you have something to do? I mean you are a trustee... Which also sounds pretty weird with all the stories I've heard."

Smiling as she looked at Lightning as she walked towards the door. "Yeah everyone finds it odd. But it is also only four days old. But have fun calling your Mom... I'm going to go talk to Rosa and see if she can help me with reading."

"Come down with me Vanille. I can still help you. Just remember you need to actually read out loud and sound the tough words you haven't seen before out." Lightning said as Vanille nodded her head happy that Lightning was going to help her.

* * *

" _It was actually really nice to hear from you Light... Serah has been talking with Regis and he has been just as mad at Noctis as she was... but you didn't harm him._ " Mary spoke as Lightning just smiled faintly as she could see Vanille's brow furrowing.

"I didn't harm myself Mom. I was just in solitary to prevent that." Lightning began as Vanille quickly tugged on her arm. Glancing over, Lightning followed her gaze to it. "That is Constantinople. And the other is Timbuktu. I don't expect you to be able to sound those out. They are cities on Cocoon." Lightning said with a smile as Vanille just nodded her head quickly.

"Like Constantinople and Timbuktu." Vanille said as she turned the page.

" _What is Vanille reading again?_ "

"She is reading Hop on Pop. She is getting along pretty well with the reading, I wouldn't want her to move beyond for a while longer." Lightning spoke as Vanille triumphantly closed the book. "And she is done." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled and hugged her. "We need to get going soon Mom. Vanille is meant to be helping some new people settling in. And I'm starting to get the slightly shaky feelings in my hands."

" _Okay Light. I love you dear, and I know if Serah could have come to the phone she would have._ "

"I know Mom. When is your next visit? I ask because I'm getting bored of philosophy and could you bring down something different for me to read? I don't care what. And I actually really want to get through a full visit with someone in the family without it getting cut short." Lightning said as she heard a chuckle on the other end.

" _The week after next. Serah said she is going to try and get a break from all the paperwork and the work expected of her to go down as well... but you know how impossible that is._ "

"Tell her there is no rush. I'm not going to be leaving here in the immediate future. Bye Mom." Lightning said as she started to stand up just enjoying the way Vanille just smiled at her.

" _Bye Light. I love you dear._ " Lightning could hear her mother say as she just took a deep breath.

"I can't say it back Mom... people are around. But you know I do... don't you?" Lightning asked as she could just hear her mother smiling at the notion of how she wanted to say it but she couldn't bring herself to say it with people being around.

" _I do. Go on. I'll check the library here for any books that you would enjoy and I'll bring down some candy I started to make."_ Mary spoke as Lightning just smiled faintly.

"I'm sure it will be great, I'll try and get the letter sent off tonight. Goodbye again Mom." Lightning said as she just smiled at the sound of her mother saying goodbye once more before she hung up the phone. Smiling as she walked up to Vanille who quickly hugged her.

Smiling as she just hugged her gently, Lightning just took a deep breath. "Vanille, hugs... you seriously need to give me a warning..." Lightning said in a soft tone as Vanille just shook her head.

"And you seriously need to learn that I don't care if you tell your mother that you love her." Vanille said as Lightning just took a deep breath as she started to worm herself out of the embrace.

"I care though. You can't undo the years of being forced to be emotionally dead by just telling me I'm crazy. If that was the case the Voice would have done it a long time ago... back when it was a lot more active." Lightning said as they walked into the elevator "I'll get in line for dinner... aren't you meant to get to the two people and Hope?"

"Yeah. I'll drop off this book too... maybe get another one... are you sure I shouldn't read a different book? Like one with chapters? Or do you really think those are too hard for me?"

Smiling as she pulled Vanille into a one armed hug. "It isn't that they are harder. It is just the same principles apply from the ones you've been reading to the chapter ones. And the only major difference is the lack of pictures mostly. There are a few chapter books that you can read though that does tend to have some pictures... just sentences are a lot longer and can be harder to read. But it is ultimately up to you and if _you_ think you are ready. I'll help you, just, I don't want to rush you. I know you want to read and find it a shortcoming that you can't and you can't run before you can walk." Lightning said as Vanille just sighed gently.

"I'll stick with the pretty picture ones for now. But here is your floor... we shouldn't be long. Just Hope might not join us. He is still being pig headed because of how he thinks you are a scary individual with no capacity to be nice." Vanille said sadly as Lightning shook her head as she disengaged from the hug.

"I keep telling you Vanille. It doesn't matter what others think of me. I know the truth about me and you know me better than him. You be the judge." Lightning said as she could hear the doors closing. She was just a little mad that her stomach had already started to rumble slightly more aggressively as if she hadn't eaten anything for the last day.

Walking into the thankfully open doors, Lightning just smiled as she could see the head chef standing behind the counter with his head tilted backwards. "Chef..." Lightning said softly as she could see the man holding a finger up to her as he gave his head a sharp jerk from one shoulder to the other causing a bunch of cracks as Lightning just smiled at the fact that she could see some of the other people behind the counter cringe a little.

"Right I feel a little better. What food you looking at right now, Light? We've got four types of stroganoff. Beef, chicken, vegetarian and vegan. With either rice, potatoes or pasta." The blond man said as he point to increasingly smaller pots as Lightning just chuckled.

"Beef... and I promised Yuna and Rosa I'd lay off heavy amounts of starches... so only pasta." Lightning said as the man just shook his heads. "They aren't happy about how it might be screwing with my blood sugar more than normal. Because that has been going weird recently."

"Don't need to explain it to me. Would make for an easier job on my part. Just remember I'm still under orders to not let you out unless your blood sugar is at a high enough level and until I hear otherwise." Kain said as he started to scoop the items into the large bowl. "Where is Vanille?"

"Doing her trustee stuff."

"I always forget she has that status nowadays... it is so weird. Like me serving a Farron and stabbing her a bunch and not seeing liquid gold."

"To you and everyone else the lack of gold is weird. As for Vanille being a trustee... that isn't much different from what I know about Vanille."

"Trust me if you knew her even a week before you got here... you would find it weird."

"I'll take your word. See you in a bit Kain."

"See you then Light."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

"And normally you need to wait in the line, but tonight because of everything we get to skip it." Vanille said as she gestured for the trio to follow her.

"I'll wait in the line Vanille. I'm not sitting with her." The silver haired boy said as Vanille just rolled her eyes.

"Fine Hope. Be that way. It is an open invitation. Although you and I both know you aren't ever going to get past the north building if you keep all this hate for someone you don't even know all that well." Vanille said shrugging her shoulders as she started to lead the now slightly skittish duo out of the line as she knew that Hope was going to continue his sulking and even muttering outright lies like he has been. "Ignoring him, normally the meals are at eight, noon and six. But if you have a medical condition or if you are experiencing certain side effects of your medication that can all change which your doctors here will explain if you fall into that category." Vanille said as she just took a deep breath as she walked up to the counter and smiled. "Hey Kain. These are the two new people... also Hope is back and in the line. Still his crazy self and is being a... how do I put this tactfully... an ass."

Nodding towards the new comers, Kain just took a deep breath. "I'm Kain, the head chef of this building. Tonight we've got stroganoff. If you've got dietary restrictions, don't stay quiet about it. We need to know."

"We are just vegetarians." The boy said softly as Vanille just smiled as she could see Kain just smiling at them as he picked up two bowls. "What are in the other pots?" The boy continued to ask as Kain just continued to smile at him.

"Different types of the same dish, all involving meats. What starch would you like to eat? We've got rice, potatoes and pasta." Kain clarified as he could see them nodding and sharing a simple look.

"Pasta for the both of us." The girl said as Kain just nodded his head at them and reached into one pot to grab a large spoonful and began to simply just make the dishes they requested. "So Vanille... what is so bad about this woman? Hope seems pretty level headed."

"Not when it comes to Lightning." Vanille said as Kain handed the two trays out for the people with Vanille to take. "And can you give me that beef one with some rice? The mushroom one last time gave me a tummy ache." Vanille asked, patting her stomach a little as Kain just glared lightly at her.

"You ate nineteen cookies before you took a bit of it, then turned to eat nineteen more. That wasn't my cooking that was you eating so many cookies trying to keep up with Lightning." Kain said as Vanille just pouted at him as he handed her a bowl. "Enjoy." Kain said with a smile Vanille accepted the bowl and started to lead the duo towards the cutlery.

"Anyways, you talk to whoever is on the counter there, they'll give you the options, then you get some forks... or spoons... or whatever you need then find a table. But Lightning already has one... don't worry about it if she talks to herself a bit, she is mostly harmless. Just don't walk behind her and if she says give her space then give her some. But she normally just eats a lot due to her body just going through the stuff quickly. It is actually a bit of a marvel." Vanille said as she led the group towards the lone table in the corner where Lightning had been sitting as she scooped up a mouthful of the food.

"Light, I want you to meet Lann and Reynn. They are the people from the east building I was telling you about." Vanille said as she placed her bowl next to where Lightning was. "Lann, Reynn, meet Lightning. Don't believe the rumours. She is super nice." Vanille said as she quickly looked around as she started to jump onto the bench before walking over and plopping down next to Lightning. "Also... that is super against the rules. Not so much from them wanting to be buzz kills, but for safety. I just am not in the mood to walk around the table... plus I have the valid reason of how I can't read the signs."

"Vanille... don't get them in trouble. And you know you can read those signs." Lightning said as Vanille just pouted as she stared at Lightning.

"Yeah but the docs don't know how good I can read..." Vanille said with a pout as she picked up a spoon. "Anyways, once we are done eating, I was asked to bring you up to Rosa. It is probably just to get used to you two and you both used to her and so you three can go over everything. Because not a lot of information is transferred from one building to another. Just really your medications, and if you have any pressing allergies. Like how Lightning is allergic to some of the paralytics they use when patients are getting out of hand to a dangerous degree. Instead she gets taken down by nine or ten orderlies as they try and hold her still long enough to get some melatonin into her and letting that take effect. But that hasn't had to have been done for over a year... and in her defence the guy tried to slug Lightning first."

"In his defence... I didn't listen to the not invading his space warning. I know how much that annoys me. I should have known better than to invade it during arts and crafts." Lightning said as she just started to stand up. "And I need to go up and get my blood sugar checked. I only had two bowls and you know how screwy my blood can get."

"We'll be here."

* * *

"And this would be Rosa's office." Vanille said as she rapped her knuckles on the door. Just going to be happy that once they were in there she would be allowed to go to Lightning and they could just cuddle up as she read to her. Especially after she felt so happy that she could at least recognise some of the words that came up.

"Come in." Rosa said as Vanille just smiled as she opened the door and began to walk in. "Ah Vanille, and I'm to assume these are the new arrivals?" Rosa asked as she stood up.

"Yup. These are Lann and Reynn. Hope didn't want to eat with us because he is still afraid of Lightning and refused to come up" Vanille said as she could see Rosa gesturing for the seats across from the table as the duo walked around Vanille to have a seat in the chairs that the doctor pointed to. "If that is everything... can I go now? Lightning promised to read to me and teach me a bit more."

"You may go Vanille. I'll call Hope up later. There is a lot more I need to discuss with him. Which will take at least an hour if not two." Rosa began as she just took a deep breath. "I'll lead them to their rooms from here. Go and enjoy your reading." Rosa said as she waved Vanille off who smiled brightly as she started to skip out of the room. Just happy that her duties were done. And she could relax with Lightning.

Practically running down the stairs, Vanille just smiled as she got more and more giddy at the thought of being able to cuddle up next to Lightning as she was being read some story and Lightning occasionally letting her read a sentence or two.

Humming to herself as she rounded the corner Vanille could feel herself getting more excited as she started to skip towards the door that she needed. Quickly tossing it open, Vanille just smiled as she could see Lightning just simply working out.

A sight that no matter how often Vanille had seen it, it had always been one of the best things that Vanille could watch. "Please tell me that you are going to take your shirt off soon. I mean you must be getting sweaty." Vanille said as she quickly scurried over to the bed as she could see Lightning pushing herself up onto her knees. "Please? It can be my reward for reading so much without you needing to help me."

"Fine." Lightning said with a smirk as she reached down and quickly tugged off her hoodie and shirt before tossing it onto the bed next to Vanille who had started to jump happily in her spot as she clapped her hands happily. "The bra stays on though until I see you write two paragraphs like hop on pop with the same rhyming scheme." Lightning says as Vanille just fell backwards letting out a groan.

"But that is the hard part!" Vanille complained before she realised what she was looking at instead of what she wanted. Quickly sitting upright again, Vanille just smiled as she could see Lightning quickly jumping onto her feet as she started to jog in place a bit as Vanille just smiled brightly before she dropped to the floor to perform some more pushups. "I forgot entirely what we were talking about..."

"Bra stays on until I read two paragraphs of you continuing on the style of the book you read today." Lightning said as she quickly jumped up to perform some jumping jacks. "Vanille... you're drooling."

Rolling her eyes as she stopped her working out, Lightning walked up to Vanille and covered her eyes. "Your drooling again Vanille. I feel like every single time I take my clothes off to work out this happens." Lightning continued as Vanille raised a hand to just wipe the spittle from the corner of her mouth.

"It isn't fair. You are pretty and worst of all you know you are pretty. And that I can't think straight when you get like that." Vanille said as Lightning just rolled her eyes as she just knew that Vanille wasn't going to see her. "Can I get the reward for the writing now and just do it tomorrow?"

"No, you won't be incentivised to do it otherwise. But I'll stop working out for now so as to not make your brain melt through your ears." Lightning said as Vanille quickly pulled back to just look at her. "No, it can't actually do that. I was making a joke."

"Don't joke like that... you know I don't know what the brain can and can't do. I mean I didn't even know that the blood is what the body needs to fight off colds." Vanille said softly as Lightning just shook her head as she began to climb onto the bed behind Vanille who just seemed to smile as they began to lay down.

"I'm sorry. But come on. I'll read some more to you. And seeing as we finished off the last book you know what that means."

"New book time... yay. I'll get the next one." Vanille said as she was about to jump off the bed when Lightning caught her hands.

"No. I thought about what we talked about. So I went to the library and found a pretty easy lengthy book for me and you to read." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled as she reached and picked up the book that had been resting there. "It is called 'The Greatest Ship'. I remember my sister and me reading it as part of our schooling which often led into our history lessons." Lightning began as Vanille just felt her brow furrow. "It is a fictional telling of a real life cruise ship that unfortunately sank. Most of the people made it off, and it is one of the reasons my family's name became worth so much more."

"Is it sad?" Vanille asked softly looking at Lightning, not wanting the first big book she was going to read with the pink haired woman being a sad one.

"It's an alternate timeline of that. It is about a small girl and her talking chocobo chick helping to prevent it." Lightning said with a smile as she could see Vanille just brightening up as she began to get comfortable as she snatched the book from Lightning's hands before quickly flipping it open as Lightning just smiled and began to pull her back.

"Why didn't you say that? I'm a sucker for chocobo chicks. Especially in tv shows... and recently books. It reminds me of home." Vanille said as she placed her finger onto the page.

"I've gathered. One of the reasons I picked it. Another is because I know you always want to get some grasp on what I've done before, just so happens that this book contains a chocobo chick, a mystery, an evil organisation and a happy ending." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled brighter.

"Yay..." Vanille said as she began to bouncy a little again. "Chapter one..."

* * *

Covering his mouth Cecil began to shiver a little as he quickly ejected the disk and dropped it onto the ground before slamming his foot down onto it shattering it into tiny pieces. Something that Rosa could agree with. "And you say there is more than a thousand hours more of that?" Cecil said softly as Rosa nodded gently. "How... how... how is she?"

"Believe me Cecil. I wish I knew. She just seems not bothered by this all and talks about it like we talk about the weather." Rosa said as she just accepted the hug coming from her husband. "But you can understand now a bit better why I'm not typically keen on you holding me after I watched something new instead of something that I've had to intentionally numb myself to knowing that we'd be watching it. And she was able to maintain all her sanity bar for some PTSD, and auditory hallucinations. You know provided you don't trigger a repressed memory or surprise her at night when she feels like she is going to be attacked." Rosa said with a calm tone as she could just feel Cecil freeze a little.

"I don't believe you..." Cecil said as he just took a deep breath. "Because there is bound to be something worse in her mind."

"Shockingly there isn't. Not even a trace of suicidal thoughts. Some self harm when she is trying to protect people... but nothing else."

"She is either insanely lucky or insanely tough."

"It is both. I mean her and Vanille thankfully do compliment each other and the only issue is that they are still adamant to be dating and Vanille keeps pestering me every other day to be allowed to share a room together." Rosa spoke softly as she separated from the hug and started to take a seat when she could see Cecil just rubbing his eyes.

"If them dating and breaking up is the worst case scenario for her... I shudder to think how strong she could be at full mental health. I mean her younger sister who I met has brokered several peace deals... and she wasn't groomed to lead the family." Cecil spoke as he took a deep breath as Rosa simply nodded her head in understanding. "I mean... I can't even begin to imagine how little what I've seen compares. And you're positive it gets worse?"

"I swear that Yuna and myself have seen a lot worse. And Lightning even claims that one of those segments is a part even she blocks out... but nothing of what you've seen comes even close to what I've watched." Rosa said as she just took a deep breath. "And you can imagine I want to talk to you about it more... like a lot more because I really miss your comforting hugs and you just holding me... but was all she has allowed for you to see. And it was only after I assured her you would destroy it once you got done watching it..."

"What is she afraid of? Her sister would destroy anyone that published it." Cecil said as Rosa just took a few steps away from him as she shivered a little.

"I feel like it is less about that which she is well aware of... more so... she doesn't want it to become the new standard people shoot for when they are trying to be awful... which is a lot closer to her character than fearful of people trying to attack her character. She freely gives out information about herself." Rosa said as she took a deep breath. "Seriously, you've got no idea how freely she gives information. She even talked to Kain about it and he was shocked at how casual she is with it."

"The fact anyone can be casual about it... I mean... you know how I've done a lot of terrible things... especially under your father?" Cecil spoke as Rosa nodded her head in understanding about what he was getting at. Or at least what she had hoped he was getting at. "I'd take doing those a thousand times over every day if I didn't need to watch more of that... let alone actually live it." Cecil said as Rosa simply nodded her head.

"I don't envy what she has experienced no matter how perfect from the outside her family life is. That video is proof if she can heal like she has been... then there is no one that is too far gone... and suicide is all kinds of stupid. Seriously the idea has never entered her mind... but could you blame her if she did try?"

"If what you say about the videos you have is true... then no. I'd say that would have been the healthiest option... but if we ever have a daughter... I'd be happy if she was even a fraction of the mental strength as Lightning."

"Yuna and I both are in agreement with you there... but I wouldn't want any children we'd have to go through that..."

"Agreed."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Seeing Vanille jumping up onto the table, Lightning just groaned. "COME ON! THIS IS BS! I'D LOVE TO DO THAT BUT I CAN'T." Vanille yelled as she looked towards Lightning for support who had her head in her hands.

"Vanille... that is how you play go fish... it is just what you say." Lightning said as Vanille looked around sheepish as she began to climb down to sit down next to Lightning as she held a hand up to the orderlies.

"Sorry... new to the game..." Vanille said as she picked up her hand that Lightning had so carefully held for her. "Right... sorry Lann... Reynn... I really have never played this game before and I'm not nearly as smart or worldly as Lightning." Vanille said as she began to fix her hand as she just took a deep breath. "So now what do I do?" Vanille asked as she looked towards Lightning who reached over and picked up a card from the stack to just hand it towards Vanille.

"So wait... have you really not played this before?" the female teen asked as Vanille rolled her eyes.

"I grew up in a tiny village. The population was literally one hundred and seven before the orphanage where I was growing up closed. We didn't even have meat for most of the year. Frankly outside weddings and funerals of the village elders I wouldn't have eaten meat until I got here." Vanille said as she started to place the newly matching card down in front of her. "Meanwhile Lightning's family could buy the entire world and it still wouldn't have made a dent in her family's wealth." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"She is a Farron... it would make sense..." Lann said as folded the cards to just look at Lightning's slightly shocked face. "We grew up in Nine Wood Hills. You can't grow up there without knowing what the future head of the Farron family looks like... and the pipe dream is for anyone to be able to work on that mountain. Reynn, do you have any sixes?"

"Lann... don't you remember... it is rude to talk like that." Reynn said as she handed a card to him. "Although... are the rumours true? Does your family actually own the entire mountain? And were we really trespassing whenever we walked onto it?"

"It is easier to say what my family doesn't own, so yes we own that mountain... as well as all of the Plaza Ninety Nine and Nine Wood Hills. Technically you would have been but my family really really doesn't care. At least until you get to the fence. But even then I wouldn't care nor would my sister. My mother might." Lightning spoke as she just leaned back a little to see Vanille looking at her. "It is the city at the base of the mountain my family's current and favourite place to live. At least on Cocoon." Lightning explained as she could see Reynn and Lann looking at her. "My family has been around for thousands of years... predating Cocoon... we were even the majority backers of Cocoon. I am a very very rich person... hell the school where I was going to before here actually was able to retire a lot of people and get the best people in the fields to start teaching on my tuition alone..." Lightning said with a straight face as she could see the group continuing to look shocked.

"Yeah told you. Lightning is pretty relaxed about everything... and it is one of the funniest things ever... especially because I can not stress how much of a bumpkin I am. Didn't even know about her family." Vanille said as Lightning just took a deep breath and looked at the clock. "How much time do we have? It is too cloudy for me to tell." Vanille asked as Lightning shook her head gently.

"About ten minutes before you need to be in group and I need to be in Yuna's office. So you might want to get ready for that... wouldn't this be the first group with Hope?" Lightning asked as Vanille sighed gently as she dropped the cards face down.

"Yeah... and he has been his normal moody self... if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was having like the longest period ever. And I just refuse to let him bully people." Vanille said standing up as she began to dust the hoodie Lightning had loaned her. "I'll see you two during music... we are getting Celes for the first time in over two years... it will be impressive because she used to teach Lightning opera privately." Vanille said happily as Lightning just shook her head. "I swear if that wasn't directed at the voice."

"It wasn't. I doubt she remembers me. And turn the other cheek Vanille. At least if it is directed towards me. You know the truth. That should be all that matters." Lightning said as she pushed her seat into the table. "And if we find some more decks, I'll teach you guys to play pinochle. But if not, I know others." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled and gently started to skip in place as Lightning started to walk towards the exit of the recreation room. Just smiling at how excited Vanille seemed to be. "What has you in such high spirits?"

"This hoodie smells just like you. And it is toasty... plus I got that writing you wanted me to do, done last night... so that means topless and braless exercise tonight. So, everything is looking great for me today. I'm just short a visit or call from Fang and my favourite dinner and then today would be near perfect. You know... if we ever got the two person room." Vanille said as she happily just smiled at Lightning who chuckled as she shook her head.

"I'm glad that you are happy. You are so much more pretty when you are happy."

Blushing as she pulled the hood up, Vanille just started to mumble under her breath. Taking a deep breath as she looked at the elevator doors opening, "You need to stop making me blush... if this continues up, I'll never give you your hoodie back."

"I gave it to you on a loan a year and a half ago. After the last five... six... attempts. And the three extra attempts in which you gave yourself heat stroke... I no longer think I'm getting my hoodie back." Lightning said as they walked into the elevator.

"Those wouldn't have happened if you would have just learned that I like this... I wear it when I'm scared... or remind myself that you are real... or I just need to be comforted... and frankly if I ever get a second hoodie of yours... it is just as guaranteed to be gone forever from you... unless you like looking at it on my body." Vanille said as Lightning snaked her arms around Vanille's waist and just smiled at her.

"There is a thought... me in nothing... and you in nothing but my hoodie? At least if what I keep getting lectured about from Serah is anything to go off of." As Lightning whispered that soft nothing into Vanille's ear, she almost laughed at the near cartoonish gesture that formed in her mind of Vanille blushing so red, steam had started to pour out of her ears.

Spinning around Vanille lightly batted at Lightning's shoulders. "I SAID STOP MAKING ME BLUSH!" Vanille yelled as she started to feel Lightning's arms. "I swear you could crush macadamia nuts with your bare hands... and... I forget what I was mad about... why does it feel like you are smuggling rods of steel under your sleeves? Can you lift your shirt up a bit?" Vanille asked as she slid her hands down to just press them into Lightning's abs. "I always forget how you could wash clothes off these... it is like... a piece of marble..."

"Vanille... the doors..." Lightning said as Vanille quickly shook her head as she spun around and just sighed as she could see them open. "Relax Vanille... you can see them tonight covered in sweat while I'm half naked... will that help you get through group?"

"I need to run! You damn temptress!" Vanille yelled to Lightning as she quickly ran out of the elevator. Seeing that, just caused Lightning to chuckle softly as she walked out of the elevator.

"It is getting easier and easier to tease her. I should start feeling bad at some point..." Lightning chuckled a little as she walked down the hallway towards the stairs just so she could get up quicker to Yuna's office. "This is going to be a slightly annoying meeting... but I get to spend time with Vanille afterwards.

' _ **You see? Listen to me and you can occasionally get happy moments...'**_

"These moments are pretty happy... but if Celes does remember me... you do know what that means?" Lightning whispered softly as she walked out of the stairwell and into the hallways of Yuna's office.

' _ **You remembering the warming up exercises, and needing to sing in front of people again...'**_

"Exactly... near enough hell."

' _ **Don't compare your home life to singing in front of people. This is nothing. Just trust me.'**_

"Vote of no confidence then." Lightning mumbled as she balled her hand up to knock on Yuna's door. Seeing it open, Lightning just sniffed a little as the door opened. "I'm talking to it again in full sentences..." Lightning muttered softly as Yuna just took a deep breath and gestured her into the room. "It isn't bad still... just its normal pep talking crap... which I'm having serious doubts about."

"What are you stressed about? Or what are you worried about? That is the only time you start to talk to it in full sentences barring for the occasional 'shut up'." Yuna asked as she placed a mug down in front of Lightning who quickly thanked her and began to breathe gently onto it.

"Music... which is after I talk with Rosa." Lightning said as Yuna just looked at her with slight confusion.

"You've been doing music happily really since you got here, what is different this time?" Yuna asked knowing that there had to be an underlying issue just because of how seldom this has been an issue in recent weeks.

"Celes... she is taking the class, and she originally taught me opera before the Purge. And she was fired after I quit opera... and knows my name and Rosa said she talked to her... but I'm just happy doing what I've been doing but if what my Mom said is true... she'll try and get me to sing... or worse call me my stupid birth name in front of the group..."

"She can't force you to do anything you don't want to. Just remember that. And I've informed her myself to not use your birth name as well as Rosa. If she does call you it, simply leave and then come find me or Rosa and tell us. Remember the music therapy for you ultimately is for you to feel more comfortable in group situations. Same with your arts and crafts time... they are things you can't be the best at because it is entirely subjective and you can express yourself." Yuna said as she could see Lightning just looking at her with a deep sense of question. "I told you Lightning, there is always something we try to gain from the other therapies. And I knew if we put you into something like martial art therapy... that and I figured it might trigger something causing you to get into a lot of trouble quickly. If there wasn't some repressed memory it would spark your competitive side and your family's ingraining of you needing to be the best at everything." Yuna explained her reasoning as she grabbed her mug and leaned back in her seat.

"That is a thing here? That seems dangerous in general." Lightning said as Yuna just laughed softly.

"Not a full contact one. It is less about self defence, and more about the philosophy. At least here. In the north building it is about addressing physical conflict and protecting yourself. But I'm positive you wouldn't need that. Again for several reasons. Largely because according to Auron, he didn't even need to teach you anything about self defence and more so about restraint because you typically went in with the intent to kill." Yuna said as Lightning just took a deep breath and got comfortable.

"People are just super fragile... especially when you go to a pressy high school."

"In general, they aren't. But compared to you... I'd tend to agree."

"You've got to just stop acting like it is some miracle I'm alive and haven't killed myself."

"That is never going to happen Lightning. And I mean it in the nicest way possible. It is scary how much you went through that was filmed. I don't want to imagine what you went through off camera."

"It was largely the same... just less potentially killing me if they made a mistake. And a lot more petty things or just overtly crueller."

"I don't think that is possible and don't take that as an invitation to prove me wrong. At least not right now. Because I need to let my skin heal from the steel wool I used a few nights ago."

"I'm telling you that you shouldn't be disgusted by the videos. I lived and many of those in them did not."

"It seriously disturbs me that that is what you take away from being tortured in that manner. And almost entirely at the depths humans can sink to... I thought I knew the bottom that can be sunk to but... I've been proven wrong... and not in the way I like. You've got no idea how few times that happens... and every time it has been involving you or your family which makes me wonder how you've not gone all kinds of crazy and murdery..."

"Jury is still out on the last one... and I am in an asylum. So if that doesn't make me all kinds of crazy... what would you consider the bar for that?"

"We don't use the term 'Asylum' anymore Light. Not since long before I was even born... or your grandfather was born if my math is right. At the very least he would have been very young when it started to be phased out." Yuna said as Lightning just chuckled softly as she began to get comfortable.

Just slouching a little in her seat before taking a deep breath. "You're doing it again... underestimating what my family can and can't do... even in something basic like the use of language. I mean there are literally several books in the library here written by hugely influential writers honoured to my paternal great grandmother because she gave them their first break... could have easily convinced them to alter their wording... and by the time it gets to my generation... poof... it doesn't mean that any more."

"Making me have serious doubts about humanity and the character of people here Light."

"Money can do everything... I mean it has given my sister the ability to broker peace deals and punish monarchs and governments alike... and her sense of people being all good deep down has been shaken a lot more than you could imagine."

"I don't doubt it... unfortunately." Yuna said solemnly as she just took a deep breath. "Let's hope that it isn't all doom and gloom in the future though... or at least that is what I'm hoping for."

"I think that is a bit of a false hope... humans tend to ruin everything. Including for each other. Something I'm fine about partially because it is one of the things my family haven't manipulated that into being. I mean Serah isn't the first that has had to do peace talks... but she is the first one to force the nations to the tables. Which actually caused the news to take note because of how it has never been done as a pre-emptive measure. And unlike if they did it without us... neither side wants to be the one to break the agreement because it means that the other side will have our backing and by extension crushing the opposition."

Smiling faintly Yuna just looked into Lightning's eyes and just knew she was being genuine with her point. "Okay, I can see this is getting onto a touchy subject for you. Would you like to talk about something? Because We've still got too much time for me to end this early and to send you up to Rosa."

"Those new people from the east building turns out are from one of the towns at the base of the mountain top my family love to live on. Something about looking down on those that are desperate to work for my family... excluding the fact that if we black ball someone their lives are all but ruined... we do have some of the highest paid workers with all kinds of benefits. Pretty sure under my father, you just had to work for a week to get covered under just about every type of insurance you could want... including fat life insurance policies. Although that isn't through any insurance company but out of our pockets. Although out of our pockets is nothing compared to out of your pockets. Especially given the fact that Rosa is still bothered by how much Serah has pledged to be given here every year for Christmas alone." Lightning said as Yuna just sighed as she gently shook her head. "Again... the Farron pockets are a lot deeper than people give us credit for... to the point that our wealth is just guessed at. Just because it is a lot easier."

"And that just shocks me... like I get that your family doesn't just like, own the economy... but you guys are... and that stress doesn't bother you... but potentially singing in front of others, or being called your birth name outside of your mother and sister does..."

"I've been raised to take over for my family... wasn't raised to be called a stupid name... or to sing in front of others."

"Well, if one doesn't bother you then the other one shouldn't either."

"Okay... but I don't think it will be that easy."

' _ **You are going to be fine Lightning.'**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Walking down the hallway, Lightning just took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and started to rub her eyes gently as she took her accustomed seat in the room hearing Vanille's almost signature skip into the room shortly after just causing Lightning to smile. It was the one thing that had just seemed to be a calming influence at the moment.

She actually just wanted to hold onto Vanille's hand but she knew that she was too far given the fact that she was sitting at the electric piano. She had wanted to just have something to help her through this because she knew that it was quickly going to go wrong if Celes were to remember her and remember that name. That name that she tried so hard to wipe away from existence.

Hearing the door open once again, Lightning looked towards it and just frowned as she could see the suddenly familiar if older face of the blonde haired woman walking into the room. As their eyes met she seemed to have stopped in mid stride as she stared at Lightning.

"I'll be damned. It really is you. Do you mind if we talk in private Farron?" Celes spoke to the room as Lightning just took a deep breath as she stood up and walked towards the door that the woman had been standing by. As Lightning got towards the door, she could see those same eyes that she frequently remembered scolding her from missing a note.

Gesturing out the door, Lightning simply shook her head. "I don't do too well with people behind me..." Lightning said in a soft tone as she started to wrap her arms around herself as the woman just chuckled as she shook her head.

"Fine." Celes spoke as she walked out of the room, just leading the way for Lightning who had a simple smile on her face as she followed after her.

She could feel some of the tension starting to ebb away as she just started to relax at the sight that was the woman who clearly knew that to Lightning the name that she knew was a sore topic. Or at least that is what she hoped was the cause of this. She didn't want to even begin with the thought that she was being lured out to be attacked where she would undoubtedly defend herself but that wouldn't make its way towards Rosa or Yuna. Both were possible and that was what was making Lightning worry if she was being honest.

Because she could not do yet another stint in one of those padded rooms for a night or very likely nights because of how she had missed just her and Vanille talking about everything and nothing as they simply stare at the ceiling in her room.

"Let's get down to the brass take, I heard you were here, that you don't like being called by the one name and need to know what to call you, but I also want to know if you kept up singing."

"Light... or Lightning... and I didn't. Up until a few months ago I didn't even remember I did sing. Rosa and Yuna both think it is just from my mind shutting out everything that wasn't needed for my immediate survival during the Purge... and that includes a lot of my home life before it... I mean you met my Father and did business with him... as you can imagine I had to maintain that kind of protection all the time at home afterwards."

"Yeah your father is a bit of a... not going to finish that. I've moved on despite the fact that he destroyed my career when he fired me. But are you positive you don't want to sing? I know when you were younger you had a vast range and abilities."

"My father was a douche and the world should be glad he is dead. But I really don't want to. If it was a sport I don't mind people staring at me... but singing... I don't even remember doing it and just the thought of it actually makes me a little bit more batty..." Lightning said as she started to wrap her arms around herself.

"So if it was just the two of us?" Celes asked as Lightning just sighed and shrugged her shoulders gently.

"I don't know... maybe... I haven't given it much thought..."

"I've got to know before we go back in Light... what happened to the strong confident girl I once taught Carmen and was surprised that that was in her range?"

"I was held hostage during the Purge and tortured... while I'm strong if you believe my sister... and Rosa and Yuna and even Vanille... I am far from confident."

"Shame... you also didn't need to tell me that if you didn't want to. Just give it some thought Light. I'll be taking the class for another month give or take. Just all I ask is if you give it some thought and I'd carve out some time to give you that chance. You've got remarkable talent Light."

"People always say that... it doesn't change the fact that I don't remember a lot... and a lot of people think it is for the best that I don't remember. Including both Yuna and Rosa..." Lightning said as she just took a deep breath.

' _ **I mean... personally... it is good that you don't remember everything... but that is because**_ **I** _ **do. And if you don't want to sing... don't. I honestly don't think it would do anything for you... it might make your mother happy and maybe Vanille might get turned on... but I don't think that you can really handle that at this moment... you know... lack of actual and genuine alone time. But eventually that might be something good... but I don't imagine once you both are out you'll have a lot of time alone regardless. You know besides taking the reigns of your family... I mean your sister will play twenty questions like no tomorrow.'**_

* * *

"How has your day been you two? Do you still have things left?" Vanille asked as she took a seat across from the twins she had been talking to at the start of the day when they had been teaching Vanille how to play some card game that she still wasn't sure if she was winning or losing.

"I have a few things I'm meant to still do today.. and I think Lann does still have his own group thing... then Rosa suggested that we meet up again because we haven't seen our mother in a long time... really since she had us committed because we did try and kill her because a talking fox told us to..." Reinn began softly as she scooped up some of the rice as she just smiled faintly. "And I know how crazy it sounds... but it is how it happened. But today has been good. The meds have been working, and my psychiatrist is pretty optimistic about me getting out eventually."

"Yeah the doctors here are super optimistic. Especially if you talk with Rosa or Yuna who both handle Lightning. And Lightning might not look like it... but she keeps everything together... and the stuff she went through is enough to repulse a guy that was in the orphanage I grew up in and he has been in chest high sewage where he would kill animals that had been injured and there was no saving them... so if she can hold it together then anything is possible with people." Vanille said as she started to sift through the vegetables on her plate. "And... why did I go with the veggie option? Didn't even get any tofu in it..."

"We tried to kill our mother because a talking fox told us to... and then she tried to make me kill myself. I don't think that it is as simple as what goes on with Lightning... especially because she is a Farron." The boy said calmly as Vanille just smiled at them and shook her head.

"Lightning Laughed at the mention of her father dying... and she has been overtly cruel to a lot of people and has actually taken lives to defend herself... and I know it is a bad thing to do is to compare two patients to one another. Even if you both compared to each other. That is a fast way to slide backwards. Just it is a testament that everyone can get better no matter how bad things get. She has a fairly healthy relationship with her mother now and when she came in she wanted nothing to do with the woman and the woman from what I've been told acted like Lightning was going to collapse if she was touched." Vanille said with a soft sigh as she pierced one of the pieces of broccoli. "Everyone in here that is a patient has done something to someone. Not always as direct as you two... but it happens. And everyone but Yuel realistically just want to get better. Yuel at points does but at other points doesn't. It is partially down to the fact she has multiple personalities I think... I'm no doctor... you'd need to ask one of them."

"Do they just give out that kind of information?" Reinn asked a little hysterically as she feared what was and wasn't talked about when she wasn't present.

"They don't actually give out much that you don't give to others. I mean I'm pretty selective on what I tell people and yet They'll talk to Vanille and when they were here Palom and Porom when they asked about me but only when it was something they knew I would tell them and probably have told them. I have no doubts in my mind that if they wanted to tell anyone anything about you that isn't something like that, they'd ask you directly and if you told them not to, they won't." Lightning said as she placed the tray down. "You've got nothing to worry about regardless. I mean they deal with a lot of... let's call it tense... relationships with parents." Lightning spoke as Vanille quickly studied her plate.

"Hey not to change the topic but Light... do you mind if I swipe some pieces of meat? I went with veggie for some reason... doesn't even have any tofu in it... how do they expect people to get all the protein they need if they don't provide it."

"You should have enough with all the veggies in it. I mean Lann and me have been vegetarians since we were on solid food and we never have any issues." Reinn said as Vanille speared a piece of the beef that she started to chew as she looked towards Lightning.

Sighing as picked up a piece herself, Lightning just lulled her head backwards. "It is something you need to realistically balance and I take it the chefs here know what they are doing Vanille. Besides it isn't the protein itself you need... it is what makes up the protein. And you still need to eat your own Vanille. Lack of tofu or not... I seriously don't get what is with you and tofu and meat substitutes... especially because you will eat meat without a bother on you. Despite the fact that you are so close to being a vegan most of the time. Really ever since I told you why mammals produce milk."

"Yeah if you know anything else like that don't tell me... I miss milk. You've got no idea how bland that almond crap is..." Vanille complained as she started to poke at the food in front of her.

"You are aware that they also make milk like products out of things like soya right?" Lightning said as she could see Vanille staring at her with confusion. "I'm not joking. They really do. It is actually most of the way towards tofu itself..."

"Oh... I know what you are talking about. In my village we called it bean broth... not milk. What's next you going to call kokkoh something stupid like rice milk... or oat milk."

"That depends entirely on what that is..." Lightning spoke as she could see Vanille eyeing her up carefully.

"It is a milk like product you make from grains that you normally give to infant orphans... tastes pretty good."

"Oh then yeah it is called rice milk or oat milk. Although I agree they don't really taste like milk. But they exist and tend to do the same thing." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just starting to sulk. "What?"

"What is with Cocoonians always trying to gross people out. That is for infants and babies. Had to make enough of it in the orphanage and with the elders to know that much... that and how to make it with my eyes closed." Vanille pouted as she picked up some of her rice. "Although it isn't anything intentionally gross that is robbing a baby animal of sustenance... and it is just rice and water. But still..." Vanille pouted as Lightning just sighed as she looked at the twins sitting across from them.

It was actually a little perplexing to her but she did get that it really was for the best that Vanille hadn't been drinking the products in question as she spoke because she still remembers the anger that Vanille had the next time she drank milk after Lightning had told her about the real purpose of milk in animals and people.

"Anyways, ignore Vanille's odd type of prejudice. She typically means well, she just has an issue with things like that because she is still largely a pure soul who didn't get out much before she got placed here." Lightning said as she just smiled at the sight of Vanille glaring at her as she gently smacked Lightning's arm with the back of her hand. "It is an expression Vanille. Not a literal statement of fact. It means you don't know or didn't experience a lot."

"Oh... that is still an odd expression... and it _is_ gross. I mean you don't see other animals drinking things meant for babies of a different species... that is like exclusively humans... and I know you are going to bring up honey but that is literally just bee vomit. At least milk isn't as gross. It isn't like it is cow vomit... although I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to make that into something similar and called it milk."

"I don't think there is anything like cud milk... and even people who think steak is what you buy in a store and has nothing to do with cows know what cud is." Lann said as Vanille stared at him with a clear look of confusion on her face. "I'm starting to feel lost..."

"Vanille is from a small small village. Where it was largely hand to mouth." Lightning explained as Vanille smacked her arm again. "Again, it is an expression. But Lann is right, and a lot of people in Cocoon don't actually know where meat comes from. Especially because it is something that is hard for people to cope with mentally and many end up becoming vegetarians or vegans because of it."

"But then how do you give thanks to the animal for their sacrifice?"

"That must be a Pulse thing... but how have you been doing it as long as you've been in here?" Reinn asked as Vanille just smiled as she pierced a piece of broccoli.

"In silent prayer before I actually start to eat it. And do Cocoonians not do that? Because that seems very cruel to me. Especially because Light said that they'll eat calfs... and lambs... and other babies."

"Depends on the religion mostly. I know my family didn't really do it but that is because my family is filled with egotistical idiots who think we are above all forms of morales. I mean you met my father and saw Rosa afterwards where she was all kinds of furious and that was just him being irked... do you think he'd be the type that cares about how old an animal was? Hell I wouldn't put it past him if he actually ate humans just to prove his point that he is the apex of humanity."

"Yeah but you always said your family isn't a great system to measure with things like that. And I never trusted your dad after Vivi and I met him. But Lann, Reinn tell me that it isn't a real thing is it?" Vanille asked as she just stared at the twins who shared a look between each other.

"That is why we are vegetarians. Although for us it was less about the cuteness of an animal and more about the conditions the animals are kept in." Reinn said as Vanille looked between them and Lightning feeling lost.

"I'll explain it to you once you are done eating Vanille... even if it would probably get you to stop stealing food off my plate."

"Is it going to ruin reading time?" Vanille asked as Lightning just sighed as she lulled her head backwards.

"Fine. In most abattoirs there is less about the animals living a happy life and more about getting them big enough to be killed and go to market... which leads to over crowded conditions where they are quickly culled, not always from a humane or quick method. Think tamer then what I lived in during the purge from the pictures I know Bahamut showed you last time he was here."

"You're lying to scare me and it is working... people can't mistreat animals like that."

"They do and it sickened me and my sister. But it isn't just a Cocoon thing. When we were on Gran Pulse for a while we saw it too. I can't speak for how it compares to what a Farron lived in... especially from what we were always told."

Smacking Lightning again, Vanille just glared a little at her. "Change it... don't let animals suffer like that..."

"I can't just change it Vanille."

"You always said that your family can change anything they want... so want this."

"I mean I can't while I'm here Vanille. And chances are Serah is still ignorant of this going on so she hasn't stepped in but in due time she'll figure it out and change it. Now can you stop hitting me so I can eat? My hands are getting shaky right now."

"You can... just if Serah doesn't change it... you need to."

"Fine I promise you I will."

"Good."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Groaning loudly as the pink haired woman shook her head as she dragged the pen through the word and started to write something above it. Just the silence was starting to wear on Vanille a lot more than the awkward conversation she had to have with Reinn today about who she was meant to ask for hygiene products while her brother was sitting right next to Vanille. Even if the woman seemed fine with it it still made Vanille feel a little uncomfortable if just for her.

But all of that paled in comparison to now. The potential reward that she had spent so long to get was in the balance. She didn't know if she could go another week without seeing them.

"You keep mispelling _bird_. It is b-i-r-d, not b-r-i-d. Do I need to start giving you spelling homework? Because I can forgive you misspelling incorrectly with two L's... but I know I've told you the correct spelling of bird a few times." Lightning said slightly exhausted already at having to make that same correction.

"Spelling is hard...I told Yuna that and she said I might also have some learning thing that went undiagnosed because until you came into the picture I didn't try to read or write." Vanille complained as Lightning gently shook her head.

"That isn't an excuse I'll accept Vanille. Your smart, plus my sister suffers from dyslexia and while she has had some trouble in the past she can now lead my family." Lightning said as she recapped the pen as she looked towards Vanille who had a look of confusion. "It means she has a harder time than normal people learning to read and spell and still has issues with it today. My point is, it isn't a hindrance if you want to do something Vanille. But if you want to find out if you do suffer from something like that you'll need to talk to Yuna or Rosa to find out if you can be tested for it."

"Would that mean you need to stop teaching me?" Vanille asked as Lightning just shook her head as she stood up and handed Vanille the paper as she took a seat next to her.

"No. Just means that I can't teach you in the same way I was taught and instead need to be a little more forgiving with some of the work... so kind of like how my sister was taught." Lightning said as Vanille looked at the page.

"Only ninety five percent?" Vanille pouted as she looked from the page towards Lightning who started to laugh softly as she pulled Vanille into a small hug and gave her a kiss.

"I had to correct the spelling of bird eight times, and had to take some off for the grammar, but it still is enough to get your reward, of me doing my workouts without my bra or shirt on." Lightning said softly with a smile as Vanille just pouted more as she fell down onto Lightning's lap to just stare up at her.

"Yeah but when I get a hundred you always let me decide the order of your work out..."

"You always need to strive for something Vanille. It is as much a part of human nature as breathing. And you always just want me to do burpees. Which, while I'm happy you want me to work out all my muscle groups, it gets boring."

"It does what now?" Vanille said as she started to look at Lightning with confusion. "I'll admit I like those just because they make you sweaty and cause your muscles to pop and with your gorgeous boobs start to hypnotise me, and I just want you to stop and then pin me to a wall and ravish me."

"I kind of want to do that myself but you know that will cause the both of us to end up in solitary and my mother being called who doesn't exactly know that we are a thing. Much to my shock, Serah has been able to keep that quiet. Probably from stress... and needing to tell people not to tear down orphanages so they can set up a mining operation."

"She is good for doing that... not every orphan ends up getting adopted when they close down... and that always hurts... especially if you were the last one... she needs to change those awful meat practices though." Vanille spoke as she began to sit up. "And you should get started on working out if we want kissing time later."

"Fine. I actually don't sleep well if we don't spend some time kissing."

' _ **Gay... don't think I've called you that in a while.'**_

"Shut up."

* * *

Walking towards the office Vanille just knew that she was going off her schedule but Lightning was right at breakfast. Knocking on the door, she just smiled as Yuna was on the other side slightly shocked that she had been there.

"To what do I owe the honour Vanille? I don't think I should be seeing you for another few hours. When you try and convince me to give you and Lightning a shared room. Despite the fact I'm aware what happens when a boyfriend and girlfriend, or in your case girlfriend and girlfriend get up to when they are in a room after lights are out. So we can't do that." Yuna said with a smile as Vanille just puffed her cheeks out at the comment as she took a deep breath. "So what do you need me to do?"

"I'm still going to ask you that later. But remember how you told me a few days ago about how the reason I might have issues with spelling supposedly easy words is because I have a learning disability... can you have me tested for that?"

Sighing gently as she gestured for Vanille to walk into the room, Yuna closed the door as she started to rub her eyes as she took the seat she always did across from Vanille. "I can in theory Vanille... but that is something realistically you can't do anything about at this point in your life. Plus I'm not even that type of doctor."

"But Lightning said that if I did suffer from something like that then while it changed nothing at the end of the day it would change how I've been learning." Vanille said as Yuna just took a deep breath and leaned back in her seat.

"I can have the things set in motion if you want Vanille. But Lightning is right. At the end of the day it would change nothing if you do have a learning disability or not. Would explain some tendencies you have here, but realistically nothing unless you are looking for an excuse because you find learning how to read and write hard."

"I don't find it that hard... bar for when Lightning isn't around helping me with things. Like some words are tough to say and even tougher to write..."

"Okay, I'll talk to Rosa to see if we can get you tested. But again Vanille I can't stress this enough it won't change anything. You are still you."

"Yeah but it might stop bullies from picking on me." Vanille said as she crossed her arms over her chest as Yuna started to laugh softly earning Vanille's curiosity. "What?"

"The fact that you are best friends with the current head of the most powerful family, and the current even if Rosa and I disagree with it, girlfriend of the family's rightful heir. Once it is known you are close to them you won't be bullied and instead will have a lot of friends... mostly fake friends who want an in with either of them." Yuna said as Vanille just lulled her head to the side like a dog trying to figure out what was said. "Vanille, do you have any idea how hard it is to even get an audience with the head of the family? If I didn't luck out and have been visiting Auron the afternoon after Lightning tried to stab herself that Serah pulled her away from, I wouldn't have gotten even a moment of their father's time for several years."

"Why? They are just people... and besides Lightning being built like a tank and is one of the prettiest women to ever exist... and one of the smartest women to ever exist... but she is just as human as me or you."

Smiling as she crossed one leg over the other, Yuna just took a deep breath. "But they are rich and do business across both Cocoon and Gran Pulse. Hell Serah had just spent the last few months working on a peace deal between two of the largest and most aggressive empires... to which she was going to reward herself with some time with Lightning which ended up being called short... which you are aware of."

"And yet animals are treated horribly and people don't even realise that the chocobo nuggets came from a real majestic creature... that could probably kill people's entire family with ease."

"Same reason why people want Lightning and Serah's attention is the same reason why in some parts of Gran Pulse as well as Cocoon treat animals poorly when they are destined for the market. Money. But economics is something that confuses even me, and I'm sure just about anyone here except Lightning... everyone just is aware people want money for a more comfortable life or in my case, lots of rare teas. Hell Tidus bought me a special one that I believe originates from around where Oerba was. I think it was called something like Sky beneath the trees... that sounds wrong."

"Sky beneath the branches?" Vanille asked as Yuna snapped her fingers and pointed towards her as Vanille started to sit upright. "Haven't had any of that in a long long time... wasn't even meant to have it those times either... it was meant to be saved for important visitors... like elders of a different village."

"Where would I fit into that?" Yuna asked as Vanille just smiled as she leaned onto her side.

"You'd be considered a healer. Something that is similar in status to an Elder...just rarer. I mean my village and several around including Yuel's only had the one and it is kind of what caused the villages to collapse when she died because she hadn't trained anyone... and like most healers they put their notes in a code so others can't use the knowledge for evil deeds. She taught me after all what can be used to heal can be used to kill... no idea how true that is... but I'm sure you have patients you are meant to talk to and I have group I'm meant to go to."

"It is a true statement. I was always taught in college poison is an amount not a substance. But we can put a pin in this chat and when I have the tea I'll invite you for a pot of the tea because from what Tidus said it should help me with some minor sleeping issues I've been having and I always love trying new teas." Yuna said as Vanille just smiled and rolled over and started to walk towards the door as she opened it she just smiled as she could see Lightning standing about to knock on the door.

"Vanille?"

"I just wanted to ask Yuna some things. I'm done though. Enjoy your talk." Vanille said as she started to skip off as Lightning just sighed softly as Yuna gestured for her to come into the room.

Walking in as she could see Yuna walking towards the door to close, Lightning just took a deep breath as she started to hold herself a little as she walked over towards the seat she normally takes. "If you can, do you mind telling me what that was about? Normally when she sees you it is either to ask you about the shared room which I know you won't budge on and not to mention that is most of the time closer to dinner time... or she is starting to have a breakdown and if that was the case it most of the time blocks out a portion of your day."

"She was requesting I get her tested for learning disabilities. I did tell her apparently the same thing you did that it will change nothing. And then I told her about a tea Tidus bought for me that is from the area she is from because Tidus while I can't tell him the details about the video, he has noticed that I'm not my normal self and he is just trying to make me feel better because he knows I can't talk to him about it and that I hate the idea of someone giving people flowers as a present."

"It doesn't change nothing... it would change the way I load Vanille with work. But I get your sentiment. And I explained that to her last night." Lightning said as she took a deep breath as she got comfortable. "And besides Vanille actually having the reading and writing vocabulary of a five to six year old now, she is still making improvements and already is setting her goal to learn a second language once she has caught up to where she should be for someone her age."

Smiling as she nodded her head as she grabbed the mugs as she walked over towards the table. "Let's change the topic either way. We are drifting close to where I can't actually comment on. If she wants to learn another language then power to her. I'm only conversational in an additional language and I'm sure I misuse segments." Yuna spoke as she walked over towards the electric kettle and picked it up as she walked over with the infusers she had already prepared. "I'm more curious about how music therapy went yesterday? If you recall you were nearly breaking down from just the thought of being there with Celes."

"It went... alright. She wants me to sing still... but accepted that I didn't want to and then she asked if I'd consider doing it just for me and her... she also didn't call me by that stupid name and asked to speak with me outside before we got into music. She, like most people who knew my father on a business level knew how much of a monster he was when it didn't concern me because there is a difference."

"I find it hard to believe that someone can be two different types of monsters. Especially when one is enough to traumatise veterans who have done things they don't want to talk about to anyone. And that was just the conditions they knew of you being in." Yuna said as Lightning just smiled as she watched Yuna pour in the hot water into the mugs.

"That was when he hates someone and wants them to die but they are too stubborn to die. When he did business with others the moment they were no longer of use he would crush them and leave them destitute but still very much alive and if they get lucky they can recover and be much wiser in the future. So there are very clearly two different monsters... there might have even been more. Just, I'm hoping that the depths of his hatred and evilness was solely directed at me... I know I can handle it. Others aren't so lucky." Lightning said with a soft smile as Yuna shook her head as she dropped the infusers into the mugs.

"I hate to agree with that sentiment, but if he did that to others, I've no doubt if they are alive they would find themselves in the southern building on nearly constant suicide watch and at any point if you head that way... which at this point I don't think is likely but not an impossibility, I know I wouldn't be surprised." Yuna said as she walked back over towards the small cupboard she kept the dangerous things under her own lock and key. "Neither would Rosa I hope... and don't get me wrong, I do hope you recover because that would give me all kinds of hope that everyone can recover from anything. They just need to want to." Yuna said with a smile as she just took her seat and smiled as she took a deep breath and leaned back in her seat. "But how has the voice been?"

"Quiet mostly... it has said one thing to me in the last twenty four hours... haven't even had any strange dream of me talking to it in a barren wasteland. It is actually something that I know a few months ago I would be starting to have a nervous breakdown just from the silence... but it is actually starting to feel good but in a twisted way I do miss it." Lightning said as she could see Yuna just smiling as she leaned forward and pulled the infusers out as she spun the mug's handle towards the pink haired teen who accepted it with a smile.

"Twisted how? Because if it is the way I think it is, I wouldn't say it is twisted. Just because of how it was a part of you for so long... at your darkest time it was your only companion. In essence, you are losing a part of yourself again even if it is because you are starting to take on the parts that it has hoarded from you for your own protection."

"I mean that I miss the occasional snide remark... and I don't want to be the one to make them." Lightning said as she raised the mug to take a sip from it. "And thank you for the tea... you seem to always know what I'm in the mood for..."

"You don't need to make snide comments... you can certainly think of them, but you don't need to vocalise them." Yuna said with a smile as she picked up her own as she leaned back in her chair. "And you're welcome... as for knowing what tea you are in the mood for, it is a mixture of making a lot of tea for a lot of people, and luck."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Staring at the ceiling, Lightning just had to take a deep breath as she could hear a knock at the door. "Go away." Lightning yelled as she could hear a jingle that just caused her to sigh as she started to push herself up a little as she could see Rosa walking into the room. "I didn't do anything. And have actually gone out of my way to try and discourage Vanille from her constant asking you for a shared room."

Smiling as she held her hand up, Rosa just went to sit on the edge of the bed to just smile at Lightning who had resumed her stance of staring at the ceiling. "No. I've got that largely handled. Frankly though if you two weren't in a relationship, I'd be all for it. No, this is about your family."

"I've got no control over my family Rosa. Serah is extremely pig headed. Especially when it comes to me. As for my mother... I might be able to talk her into seeing reason but that is a long shot because of how controlling Serah is. So what specifically do you want me to talk to them about?" Lightning said as she swung a hand up and gestured towards the ceiling.

Smiling faintly Rosa just had to admit that as she was thankful that those were the problems Lightning had to deal with with her family now. Especially given what she had witnessed on those tapes and her experiences with her father.

That simple fact was what gave the psychiatrist hope in the matter. She knew that once Lightning was on the other side of everything she was going to be a remarkable person that nothing was going to be able to keep her down.

"This thankfully just has to do with what we talked about briefly. I need you to get your sister to cut back on those absurd donations she has been giving us seemingly weekly. At least talk her into doing it in one lump sum at the start or end of the year if she must give us some. But Ideally she won't hand us any unless we ask her. Thanks to the one I just received from her, we've got enough to upgrade half the wings and expand the other half... which we can't realistically do." Rosa said as Lightning began to push herself up to look up at her.

"Out of curiosity, and because Serah will ask. Without a doubt in my mind in that regard, why can't you?" Lightning asked as she began to push herself towards the wall. "You know besides the logistical nightmare of moving people out to upgrade things to like the next decade ahead of where we or any other asylum is currently will be for decades to come." Lightning said with a sigh as she began to get comfortable at the wall. "But I mean I'm sure the medical ward could use a full time doctor and other equipment... I mean I recognise some of those exact things my family had in our on site hospital from when my Father was an infant and that place has been closed down when he turned twenty."

"Why does your family have a... you know what that can wait for a much later date. The truth is I require a certain level of skill, even if it is something as mundane as cleaning clothes, washing the floors, even something like gardeners. I want to make sure everyone is the best they can be because not everyone is all that stable. And anything can realistically set them down a bad path. Including something as simple as changing rooms around or even extending some _can_ be a dangerous thing. Which is ultimately why we can't just do things." Rosa said as she started to stand up.

"I'll talk to her... but that doesn't necessarily mean she'll listen all that well. And if you think what you are getting a lot now, I don't think seeing it as a lump sum will do much for you. In fact it might get worse... I suggest just putting it into a rainy day fund and get the staff to decide how it is spent. I mean what are you at now donation wise that you can't deal with."

Rubbing her eyes gently, Rosa just sighed gently. "One hundred and fifty million I can't actually move anywhere for this month only. After giving all the staff members massive raises and just about any luxury they could want that still can help their work. Including some expensive ingredients that will last us a year. Hell I even took on the tea bill of Yuna just because we had to expend so much according to the accountants that we have. And until a few months ago we only had one, but now we have five handling various aspects and then the original one is over seeing those. Pretty sure they'd all be just happy with the rest being allocated to a rainy day fund. Hell all of them could now pad their pay-cheques and they'd never get caught... nor would I care. Even if it would be yet another headache for me to deal with because they already are doubtful that the Farron pockets are that limitless."

"Yeah I'll talk to her. But It sounds like she is already toning down the amount given. Because that really is nothing to us. I just ask that you give Vanille a bit more slack with shooting her down about the double room. While I'm sure she isn't entirely pure with her ideas of it and I wouldn't let it... but largely right now it has been down to her wanting to learn longer about reading and writing... and while she is waiting for the results from that test with Yuna to come back... she is still trying her hardest to overcome the barriers she thinks that exist for her."

"Not everyone has that same diamond spoon Light."

"And yet if I do anything besides take over for my family I have failed in everything."

"Light when you get out of here and do anything... I'd consider you the most remarkable person. Even if you wanted to live the life of a hermit."

' _ **I'd think less of you. That is beyond a waste of your abilities.'**_

"Shut up."

* * *

Knocking on the door, as she started to sway back onto her heels from the balls of her feet, Vanille just smiled as she could hear a groan coming from the other side closely followed by the door being tossed open. Seeing Lightning standing there with a towel in her hair just caused Vanille to frown a little.

"Vanille, I don't have time to play fifty questions or make out with you. I need to call home because last night Rosa asked me to get Serah to stop what she is doing with her constant donations."

"Is she giving a lot? Like a number you know I could comprehend." Vanille asked as she fell into stride next to Lightning, quickly looping her arms around the taller woman's as they walked into the elevator as Lightning started to take long shaky breaths. "And if you are uncomfortable Light, you know I won't think twice if you just say so." Vanille said as they spun around.

"I'm a little uncomfortable Vanille..." Lightning whispered as Vanille just nodded her head as she separated from her girlfriend. "And it is a lot more than you can comprehend Vanille... Rosa is even having issues comprehending it. Most people would have issues grasping the amount and frequency that the money is given... just it is probably more than enough to buy Oerba a thousand times over and still enough to rebuild everything and keep people there living comfortably for dozens of generations."

"But we always lived comfortably. Like yeah we couldn't always get what we _wanted_... but we never _needed_ anything and that is a pretty big difference."

"You're right. That does have a vast range of differences, but with the money Serah is giving the institute everyone in here wouldn't _want_ anything. I mean every staff member got an absurd raise and any piece of equipment they could ever want and there is still too much funds free. Hence why she is asking me to just put an end to this. Or at least have it so it is a once a year thing instead." Lightning said softly as she started to walk out of the elevator with Vanille skipping next to her as they came to the phone banks. "And you are aware I'm going to be just fine calling back to my home by myself right?"

"Yeah, but I don't get to spend as much time as I would like with you. I mean today we only have one thing together not counting meals and reading time and I didn't just write three pages on the motives of the cat from the cat in the hat not to get a decent reward... plus you said I'd need to wait for this morning to get it and you are just going to remove that option from me?"

"That was before Rosa told me to do this... I'll make it up to you after dinner. I promise you that I'll do and wear anything you want."

"So if I say I want to watch you doing jumping jacks and then shirtless making out while you are sweaty... you will?" Vanille asked as Lightning stopped her dialling to just look at her.

"Yeah sure if that is what you want." Lightning said as she finished dialling the number and pressed the phone to her ear as she just smiled at Vanille quickly wiggling her way in between the phone and Lightning's body, just smiling up at her as she began to fix the way the hoodie had been sitting on her. "Seriously?" Lightning asked softly as Vanille just smiled at her.

" _If you are calling this number to ask me to do something I already told you isn't happening, I swear whoever it is, I'm going to burn your domain down to the ground and salt the earth that was under it. If you are looking for more money, you should be talking to my public relations people._ "

"Try again Serah." Lightning said as she gently freed her hoodie from Vanille's grasp as she just smiled as Vanille sneaked her arms around Lightning's waist as she just smiled as she rested her head on top of Lightning's bosom as she just smiled and hummed appreciatively as Lightning wrapped her free arm around Vanille to pull her into a tight hug.

" _Claire, not that I don't appreciate the call, can this wait? I'm expecting several calls before I_ _need to rush_ _towards a meeting with several kingdoms and governments."_

"I'll be quick then Serah even though this is a conversation that should take longer... but it is something Vanille will thank you for as well because she won't stop playing with my hoodie. I need two things from you."

" _Ew... I don't need to know what you and Vanille do in private Claire. And if you called to brag, that could have waited until we see each other again next month. I already have that weekend hollowed out for us to just sit down and talk."_

"What? No. That has never happened Serah." Lightning said exhausted as she just took a deep breath. "I meant that literally. She keeps fixing my hoodie trying to get me thinking subconsciously that I should give her another one of my hoodies to borrow that I'll never see again. Which is one of the two things. Send me some more hoodies... and another towel. My hair is a lot longer now and I can't get by with just one anymore."

" _Yeah sure, I'll ask Mom to bring you some for her going down next week. What is the other thing?_ "

"The much harder thing. You need to cool it with all the donations Serah. It is causing a bunch of issues and there are already funds they can't place anywhere. Rosa has asked me to ask you to limit it to once a year."

" _I can't do that Claire..._ "

"Serah, I think I know what this is about... but you just have to trust me. If you want to feel like you aren't abandoning me and actually helping me ask Rosa or Yuna what you can do to be hands on. Because all this money isn't going to be something that can help. At least not for years to come seriously there is too much for anyone here to spend and while I find it a little bit funny, it is just causing Rosa stress." Lightning said softly as Vanille just glanced up at her as Lightning just started to sway gently with her inside of the strong arms.

" _And_ _you're_ _probably right Claire because shocker I care about you. But you need to understand Claire that I can't just actively do something_ _nowadays_ _. This is just about all I can do._ " Serah said as Lightning shook her head gently as she just took a deep breath.

"I know that Serah. But you need to understand there is a fine line between helping and causing more harm with your good deeds. Seriously, just hold off and actually talk to Rosa. She can point you towards things that can give you that feeling like you are doing something and not tread that line and only be helpful."

" _Claire. What you say is making no sense._ "

"Then just listen to me and hold off from donating more until the end of the year. Or at least until you talk to Rosa and actually listen to her. Don't just drown her out and do that stupid hand thing you do when people say something that you think is stupid. Which, I bet dollars to donuts that you are doing it right now."

" _What? I... I... I don't need to answer that. Shut up._ " Serah yelled into the phone as Lightning started to chuckle. " _Look I've like an hour free at noon and after that I'm not free again until nine at night._ "

"I have a meeting with Rosa at noon so I'll dial the number myself, Serah. But seriously, I need more hoodies. I'm down to my last one because I'm not joking Vanille has all the other thirteen of mine. Which is confusing me because there is a pretty big size difference between us. And up to a few weeks ago she only had one and I'm confused as to how she got them."

" _It is complicated Claire. And I'd love to get into the ins and outs of how relationships work...especially the appeal behind your significant other's hoodies and sweaters... but that will take up literally all the spare time I have today. I'll get mom to send some down in advance. Just don't bother asking for your hoodies back unless you and Vanille break up and then don't be surprised that they are set on fire and returned in a box filled with ashes. For all intents and purposes those are now her's."_

"Whatever Serah. I'll talk to you later. Breakfast is going to be served soon and I'm hungry." Lightning said happily.

" _Okay, talk to you later then. Tell Vanille I said hi._ "

"Bye Serah. Love you and don't get as snippy towards others that you are meeting."

" _I am the head of the Farron household. They can't do crap towards me... wait did you say you love me? Oh my god Claire that is the firs-_ "Serah had started as Lightning rolled her eyes and hung the phone up.

Glancing down, Lightning just could feel her smile start to fall as Vanille had stared at her. "How come you can say that casually towards your sister? But I don't get that unless we are in private?" Vanille asked as Lightning just started to sigh as she started to gently cup her cheek.

"It took me years upon years to even get to that point with Serah Vanille. You know me Vanille. You know I do mean it when I say it regardless... it is just something that I need to move at my own pace for. You know most of my life and have met both of my parents... I mean it took me weeks upon weeks to even let you hug me this long without me starting to break down."

"I know... I'm just a little jealous is all. I mean she can read easily... can probably spell stupid words without issue... she can hug you just fine and gets told publicly that you love her..."

"She is also my sister and my skin would probably be crawling if she hugs me this long. You shouldn't be jealous Vanille. You are still the only person for me."

"Enough for me to borrow that hoodie for the day?" Vanille asked as she pulled back and stared into Lightning's eyes with a smile as Lightning just groaned softly.

"It's my last one Vanille. I wasn't joking when I told Serah you have the other thirteen of the fourteen I brought here with me. And I know I'd end up getting cold today if I gave you my last one."

"But they aren't as fluffy and you are getting some more anyways..." Vanille said softly as Lightning just chuckled softly shaking her head. "Plus I'll give you it back. I promise."

"How about as collateral I get one of my old ones back? That seems fair to me."

Staring into the blue eyes Vanille began to gasp. "It is like you are talking crazy. Your sister even said don't bother getting those back. They are now mine." Vanille said as Lightning shook her head at Vanille's comment just because it signified that Vanille wasn't actually being serious. "Come on. It is bacon day which means that I need to get into the line early because otherwise I'm going to get oatmeal which is bland and tasteless and I swear you are the only person I know that is happy to eat that." Vanille said with a happy tone as she separated from the hug and slipped her hand into Lightning's as they started to walk towards the elevator. "Plus you didn't eat much at dinner so you are going to need some calories soon."

"I'll be fine. I don't feel the normal shaking and even if I do I'd be able to get in earlier and then save you some bacon."

"Yeah but the panic and stress I'd be feeling wouldn't be worth it. At least to me."

"Okay Vanille."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Humming softly Lightning just smiled as she took a book off the shelf. "What's that book about?" Vanille asked resting her head on Lightning's shoulder as she just smiled at her.

"It is a philosophy book. One where the writer is a nihilist, but it is just one of those moods I'm in." Lightning said with a smile as she gently wrapped Vanille in a one arm hug. "But the question is what is going up with you? You are a lot more affectionate than you normally are. And not that I dislike that. It is just we've been going out so long I do notice when you are having a bad series of days and that is exactly what this is feeling like." Lightning whispered as she could just hear Vanille sighing next to her. The type of sigh which always screamed that she knew the game was up.

"I'm just having some bad thoughts. Almost making me want to burn again. And before you say it I've already brought it up during group and to Yuna. Yuna just thinks it is stress but has also offered to check my medication in case my brain got used to it. Which I kind of hope it is just stress although I don't know what I have to be stressed about." Vanille spoke softly as she just reached down and happily took Lightning's hand. "I mean I've an amazing girlfriend who is teaching me how to read, she spoils me with letting me look at her hot body... and I haven't done anything stupid or self destructive in a long time and haven't burn myself intentionally in eight months. I'm still mad you told them on me but it was the right thing to do. I probably wouldn't have if you didn't give me that push."

"Vanille, you are my girlfriend. I'm going to push you to achieve everything you ever want... especially when you are going to harm yourself... those were first degree burns. Something that can be pretty nasty. If you are stressed though and you don't want to talk to the shrinks about it, I'd be a little offended if you didn't at least attempt to talk to me." Lightning complained as she started to lead Vanille down to a different aisle.

"Why do you have to be so supportive and hot and smart... and have the body I swear was chiselled out of fine marble? You've got to leave me something in this relationship to be good at." Vanille said as she gently placed her free hand onto Lightning's abs as she just hummed happily. "Seriously... you've got to leave me something besides just a drooling mess anytime you take your shirt off."

"Vanille, you are good at a lot of things. Mostly calling me on when I'm doing something stupid like letting my blood sugar dip to a dangerous level. Or when I'm ignoring something and just letting it fester underneath the surface. To put it simply you are the glue that keeps us together. Or at the very least you aren't something that is a question. You make a lot of things bearable here... plus I can't stress that if you weren't here I'd be even crazier because everyone would be wanting to hug me and I'd snap and attack someone. Then regret it and take it out on myself eventually. You keep all kinds of crazy in check by just being here. Not to say that if they want you to move to the north building you shouldn't avoid it. I'd still be here and would gladly still teach you how to read during visitations."

"Yeah but you are always super happy during those and I know I'd just to get to see you. That I don't think I'd actually learn anything... I mean it took us four months for you to teach me how to write the alphabet... still no idea why there needs to be two of them." Vanille complained as Lightning just chuckled at her. "What? Also can you read me that one book about the detective?"

"There are dozens of alphabets. I just taught you the two common ones. One that is commonly used on Gran Pulse and the other is what is commonly used on Cocoon. As for why there are so many, I couldn't tell you. I'm sure if you learn how to read enough you can find out yourself. Remember you constantly need goals that you set to achieve. It makes everything easier. Especially when it is achievable and quantifiable. At least that is my experience."

"So what you think I should search for why there are a bajillion alphabets? That seems cruel."

"Might interest you. Even if on the surface it seems boring or as you say cruel. I mean think about it. It would essentially be the study of ancient humans."

"Phrased like that it sounds awesome. Learning about alphabets to see why there are a lot sounds boring. Besides I still want to be one of those big paid animal doctors. That sounds awesome and something that I would be really good at with the only thing realistically holding me back is the lack of knowing how to read or write. That is something many distant Gran Pulse villages lack and they rely almost entirely on their animals. Like to plough the fields or protect the livestock or families... the elders always said if you wanted to kill a village you don't need to touch the people instead you just had to hurt their chocobos. And don't dodge my question... can you read me the book about the funny detective?" Vanille complained as she swung her head backwards and groaned as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"I'm looking for one of them. They are pretty popular books Vanille. You know I love reading you books. Especially because it is a nice day and it is our reading outside day. But it looks like they are all out. Of the main books. Just the short stories."

"Those are always fun. Now come on... our time is going to run out and then you'll have that phone call with Rosa and Serah and I really don't want you to give up halfway through a story. Especially one of the short stories... those are really good. Can you find the one about the silver fire horsey?" Vanille asked as Lightning stopped for a second before she looked at Vanille before shaking her head.

Snapping her fingers as she plucked a book off the shelf. "Took me a few seconds to get what you meant. Silver Blaze. Which I think is in this series." Lightning said as she just smiled at Vanille jumping happily. "Now you might want to go and wait at the door because this is going to take a few minutes to get processed and I do know how you tend to get crazy and impatient and last time threatened to set the librarian on fire."

"Shouldn't take twenty minutes to check out five books."

"Vanille. I don't need to check out this book."

"I'm going... I'm going... you don't need to hold me at ransom like that."

"That isn't what ransom means. The word you are looking for is extort if you want to use a fancy sounding word. It is more like a concerned demand." Lightning complained as Vanille had started to walk off.

' _ **Remember when she didn't know what those words meant and would demand you or someone explaining them?'**_

"Yeah..." Lightning said as she placed the books onto the counter, a smile being present as she could see the relieved worker at the lack of Vanille. "I told her to wait by the door."

"Thank you... she is like a dog with a bone and at points actually scares me." The librarian spoke as he started to scan the books.

"Vanille is harmless. Her bark really is worse than her bite. At least towards other humans unless she wants to get into trouble." Lightning said as the librarian just chuckled. "I know I'm about the only non staff member that can find that fine line."

"Yeah and none of the Librarian staff can tell... it is more like five orderly and two maybe three doctors can tell along with the entire kitchen staff. Point is until a while back we never really dealt with her besides her wanting to look at and I quote 'pretty pictures'."

"When she means what she says she always leads with her left side after she goes from explosive to quiet really quick. Like at the drop of a hat quick. Which is almost never so you'd be fine in assuming she doesn't mean it." Lightning said with a smile as she accepted the books being handed towards her.

"Makes sense, but I can't take those chances."

Nodding her head gently, Lightning just felt her smile increase as she could see Vanille's expression brightening as she had started to walk towards her. Sight of that was enough to cause Lightning to almost skip towards her. Just holding back enough as she could see Vanille losing some internal struggle to see her rushing over to wrap Lightning in a hug.

"Couldn't wait. Come on... we are losing precious time." Vanille pleaded as she gripped Lightning's hand and giving it a gentle tug that just caused the pink haired teen to chuckle. It was such a simple pleasure but she knew to Vanille it was the greatest thing.

Just that simple joy was enough to cause Lightning to smile at the gesture that she just accepted with a slightly brighter smile as they just started to walk out of the library and towards Lightning's room where she could just drop off what wasn't going to be brought out with them to enjoy the weather and read.

* * *

"If you care to smoke a cigar in our rooms, colonel, I shall be happy to give you the details which might interest you." Lightning spoke before closing the book as she brushed some of the hair from Vanille's face as she started to spin around and just stare at the sky as she just let out a hum of approval at the situation.

"How long do you have left? Because judging by the sun I'd say you have like twenty minutes..." Vanille hummed out softly as Lightning just took a deep breath as she fell backwards to stare at the sky herself.

"Don't know. Maybe. You are often right when it comes to things like telling time by the sun. I kind of need a sundial... or a clock..." Lightning said as she just took a deep breath as she could see Vanille begrudgingly sitting up as she offered a hand down to help Lightning up.

"Then you should probably get in there again. Because I'd rather if you didn't miss that call. Because I know you'll be feeling a lot better after it. Especially because if you don't get that sorted out you are going to be hounded by Rosa and not in the fun way like I've been hounding her to just give us that joint room." Vanille said as Lightning accepted the hand and began to pull herself up. "And don't give me that speech about how I should give up on it. I refuse to do so until they give in."

"Not that I don't enjoy the fact I have someone fighting for me now days... especially someone that understands the kind of shit I went through... at least enough to not try and force me to do anything I don't want to... namely talking about stuff... it is just that you do know if you push them far enough they won't be as accepting of us." Lightning said as she took a deep breath as Vanille rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious Vanille. Just relax for a few days and don't ask them. Think about how that might just be what you need to get them to see it your way."

"That makes literally zero sense. At least to me. But yeah you should go. I'll go check to see if Lann or Reynn want to join us for dinner. Or if they want to continue that game they were teaching me. Just so I can win. I refuse to lose. Especially because when I'm in group I get to gloat and it won't be considered rude. A bit mean yeah but not rude." Vanille said as she jumped happily in her place as Lightning just snickered as they started to walk towards the building.

"It is a little rude if all you do is gloat when you beat people in games. And if memory serves me, you are yet to beat me in table tennis. And you owe me something you called a 'happy ending' because of it... and I've still no idea what that is." Lightning said as Vanille swung her head backwards.

"Not going to lie, I've no idea what that is. I've just heard Fang make that bet with some women and she always won after sucking hard so I thought it would work for me." Vanille said with a small chuckle as Lightning just started to walk into the building. "And I know that chuckle... you are going to lecture me on using words or sayings I don't understand... but that wasn't the point of it. All I know is Fang stopped sucking when she made bets like that with women and a few girly men and was super happy the next day." Vanille said as Lightning just sighed as she pulled Vanille close to her.

"At points I forget how innocent you really are, and it makes me feel all kinds of guilty for telling you stories of people being cruel towards others."

"I dislike that at points too... but then I remember that is just you. And kind of how you let me know that you are trying to open up but don't really trust yourself to be one hundred percent honest with yourself. So it is something that is quickly forgiven. Plus I know you tell me things you don't even tell the shrinks or your sister so that just makes me feel really special. Like your emotions besides 'I'm terrified of the ghosts in my past' and 'I'm angry at everyone but Vanille and maybe Serah'. So I get happy about those types of things."

"I tend to tell everyone everything eventually. Just I come to you first with all my crap. And I'd show Serah my emotions if she didn't pick on me for having them so god damn often. I mean if I so much as blush for one second around her she latches onto that and tells everyone and acts like it is ground breaking news that should make the world stop." Lightning said as they came to a stop by the elevators.

"I can see the joy behind that... I mean I seldom see you blush and it looks so cute." Vanille said as the doors opened and they walked inside as the doors closed Vanille quickly looked around. "Why am I in here? I was meant to be on that floor... I blame you and your super hot body. Should be illegal to have a body that hot."

"Yeah but you know my family doesn't care about what is and isn't legal." Lightning said with a snicker as she could see Vanille just blushing as she pulled Lightning closer before leaning up to plant a chaste kiss on her lips as the doors started to open. "Regardless I hope everything goes by just fine for you. If you end up in solitary again I'm going to be super mad at you. Unless it was you smashing two heads together because they tried to get my racket of hugging you on my terms." Vanille said as Lightning chuckled and walked out.

"I know you too well to know that you wont be if I am. You'll maybe get me some water and water that down with more water." Lightning said as she heard a raspberry being blown at her from Vanille. Smiling as she walked towards Rosa's office.

She knew that it was going to be a little hilarious from her perspective of just trying to get Serah to see reason. Something that was beyond difficult on a good day. But this just had an air about it that to Lightning it screamed that it was going to be beyond impossible. To the point that it was actually a little nerve racking to her.

Knocking on the door, Lightning just smiled faintly as she could hear Rosa moving behind it. It meant that her day would nearly be over and once that was achieved and then the headache that is dealing with her sister latching onto something would be off of her plate for good.

' _ **Serah means well she is just lost how to show you that she cares about you. She does mean well thought and I think you know that already.'**_

"What happened to you knew more about me than I know about me?"

' _ **Those days have long since gone Light. The only things I maintain up here any more is what to say to cheer you up, and the memories you made me promise a long long time ago to never let you experience again. And I intend to only ever let you know of the things to cheer you up when you start to do that self destructive spiral you are prone to do.'**_

Seeing the door open, Lightning just sighed simply as the doors opened. "I've no idea what you think you can accomplish Lightning. I do have your family's number." Rosa said as she gestured for Lightning to walk in.

"You've the numbers that can only really get to my mother or ones that are already kind of public. Not the personal office number or the phone numbers that will get the maids or the butler to answer and that will get to Serah a lot quicker than my mother requesting an audience."

"Okay that explains a lot... thanks for the help."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

Resting her head back against the chair, Lightning just had to resist the urge to laugh as she could see Rosa starting to get towards her wit's end. It was beyond amusing to her just because she knew that it wasn't even out of malice for Lightning. Which was more than enough to shock Rosa a little just from the comparison of Serah to Lightning's father.

" _I'm just saying that you can always find some place to store the money. Because you won't like what it looks like as one figure instead of twelve smaller ones._ "

"Serah we realistically only need one of those every few years." Rosa said as she started to rub her temples.

"Serah, would I be far out of line if I said to Rosa that this is because you are feeling more like Father and not helping me when I'm suffering in your eyes?" Lightning said as she could see Rosa developing a shocked look as she could hear Serah coughing on the other end. "I'm right aren't I? Serah, I'm sure if Rosa thought about it long and hard she could figure out a way you could help that makes it feel to you like you are actively helping and it stops this headache for her."

" _Shut up Claire. I'm nothing like him."_ Serah spat as Lightning just smirked causing Rosa's full attention to be drawn to them.

"This over compensation is making me think you do think you are like him. But you aren't Serah. We both know that. You just need to relax and listen to Rosa." Lightning stated as she just stared at the head doctor who she just knew had the same expression of shock strewn across her face that Serah was going to have.

" _If you weren't my big sister I'd happily start a war to get your head for a comment like that..._ " Serah spoke softly. It was so quiet that Rosa had to strain her hearing to hear but it still shot through the room like a grenade had gone off.

"Please Serah, you are squeamish around me having a scraped up knuckle. How do you think you'll fair seeing a war you want for a body part of mine?"

" _CLAIRE!"_ Serah screamed as both Lightning and Rosa could hear a loud bark followed by the woman on the other end taking a deep and calming breath. " _Rosa. Can you and I talk without my sister being present? She is just going to get on my nerves intentionally which might lead to me doing something stupid, so please can you and I just talk in private?"_

"Yes that can be arranged. It is about time for Lightning to have her blood sugar tested anyways." Rosa said as she picked up the phone and pressed the speakerphone button. Just as the teenager was standing up herself to walk out of the room.

"If she starts to bring up that she can't do what you want, go that way or how our father when he wanted to shut her up would give her money. That should stop her in her tracks and get her to look at things objectively."

"Lightning. I know what I'm doing. Good night." Rosa said with her hand over the microphone as she could see Lightning walking out of the room. It provided a weird sense of comfort to Rosa just because it was that reminder that she always felt like she needed when she was dealing with those videos. "Okay, she is gone now Serah, can you please just see this from my point of view?"

" _I need to know that I'm doing something to help my big sister. With money I know I'm at the very least I'm losing a tiny part of my family's obscene wealth. Just being there for Claire doesn't work. Not for me because she refuses to talk to me about anything that is important in her life. Especially when it is something like this. I doubt even torture could get her to talk._ " Serah spoke as Rosa quickly shot her hand up to cover her mouth.

Taking a deep breath Rosa just glanced at the ceiling. "If you need to feel like you are doing something to help her Serah, there isn't much you can do besides being there for her to let her open up in her own time. But I can assure you throwing money at me or the institute isn't going to do much for anyone at this point due to the fact that we don't have anywhere to put it. But if you want to help I'm sure there is a lot someone in your position could do."

" _Like what?_ " Serah asked sceptical. The time she had spent in her current position becoming clear to Rosa if just because this had at one point been a girl that would have jumped long before looking and damning the consequences that would befall her because she knew that she would be fine on the other end due to others coming to save her and hide the underbelly of the world from her.

"Do you remember Palom and Porom? I received news that they are looking for an education beyond the teachings of the church and the town, Mysidia can't foot the bill for that nor do they even really know where to start. Something that they have informed me and despite the fact I know both Palom and Porom do write to your sister almost weekly they haven't mentioned that to her."

" _I don't see how that would help my big sister..._ "

"It would make her happy to hear that Palom and Porom are achieving what they want. Mainly getting their lives back on track. And like with a physical wound, people do tend to heal better when they are happy. And unlike with Vanille, unless Palom and Porom intend to scuttle any advantage they are given which is unlike them."

" _Yeah I suppose I could find them a dorm willing to educate them in whatever they want. or hell I could even find them a room or two here..._ " Serah began as Rosa was almost deafened by the sound of a knock followed by a groan. " _That is my ten o clock appointment. So we need to put a pin in this Rosa._ "

"Okay, you have my number and I now apparently have this private line..." Rosa said carefully as she stood up walking around the desk.

" _Just don't write it down. All lines into the current Farron houses tend to be super restricted and they can only achieve that by keeping all traces of it gone."_

"Okay Serah. I won't."

* * *

Smiling faintly as she rested her head on Lightning's lap as she started to shuffle the cards in her hand. "So how did the games go Lann, Reynn?" Lightning asked as Vanille blew a raspberry up. "Vanille, don't be a sore loser." Lightning continued as she smiled down at her.

"I lost by one. A stupid point... and you said that you knew a fun game but just started reading... not even reading out loud." Vanille complained as Lightning just sighed as she closed her book over and accepted the deck of cards.

"While I'm waiting for another book, all I have is philosophy books, or ones ear marked for you to read. And philosophy isn't a topic that you'd enjoy. It is all about questioning the motives of people... and this one specifically points out what makes a bad person a bad person."

"Moment they want to harm another person. Next question." Vanille said as she started to sit up as she watched the cards dance between Lightning's hands in a blind flurry

"What if they were going to harm someone you cared about? Like Fang and they wouldn't stop until you stopped them with force." Lightning said as she started to deal out several cards towards the various people when she could see out of the corner of her eye the sight of Vanille just biting her lip. "That is what this author poses. Not in as black and white terms. But states that context of why a person acts is just as important as the act itself. Any act a person takes can be thought of in those black and white terms you state, but that would make you just as bad as the person in my example that was going to harm Fang. He simply poses where is the line? What act makes a person too far gone?"

"Nietzsche... that is what it sounds like." Reynn said as Lightning smiled and tapped her nose.

"Who dat? And what does the book say?" Vanille said as she started to pick the cards in front of her up.

"He is someone who specialised in philosophy and tended to write pretty dark topics. But the point of the book is that humans are dumb for even creating morality that is impossible for us to achieve close to the standard we set ourselves. The acts we perform never matter, but the intent of the act matters. Did you wake up in the morning wanting to harm one person and they just happened to want to harm Fang? Then that makes you bad. If you happen upon it then you might be good. Regardless, we all are human so there is no point in looking at the end result like most people before him did and you can't look at their reasons after the fact and focus solely on them. You have to look at both."

"Fun. You should pick better books. Maybe that is why you were so grumpy last week." Vanille started as she cocked her head to the side to look at the book. "Pretty cover though. Now what game is this? Don't tell me it has the name of some fun activity that is going to make me feel embarrassed that I get confused over." Vanille asked as she started to fan the cards outwards so she was looking at them with a smile.

"That wasn't why I was grumpy. I was grumpy because I was in pain. And it has many names. But the one Serah taught it to me is called 'Bullshit' . We take turns laying cards face down saying what they are and it can either be the truth or you lying about what it is. If you think someone is lying they reveal the cards they placed, if you call it right they pick up the stack. If you call it wrong you do. The point of the game is to be the first to empty your hands."

"Why wouldn't you just tell one of the doctors? They seem like they would give you something if you hurt yourself." Lann said as he started to snicker ignoring an elbow coming from his sister. "And how do we decide who goes first?"

Placing three cards face down, Lightning just sighed. "Three twos. And it wasn't that I hurt myself. I can ignore that kind of pain. Not my first bout of cramps since I was eleven though. And for the record I did talk to Yuna about it. She suggested a type of tea and that helped."

"Raspberry leaf or chamomile? She always suggests both. And if you would have told me I would have helped ease the pain. Some of the elders in Oerba taught all of the girls how to elevate the pain and they always said the best way that didn't involve expensive drugs or teas was to have someone rub your lower back... or exercise frequently which is probably why it didn't cross my mind that is what was wrong with you." Vanille started as she took some cards from her hand. "Four aces." Vanille said as she placed them face down and on top of the ones lightning had pointed to.

"Why would they teach girls that?" Reynn asked as Vanille just laughed and pulled a single card from her hand. "One three."

"I'm from a small village. What we couldn't grow or make then chances are we didn't have ready access to it. I mean to the nearest town Paddra it was still a day and a half journey and parts of that you were looking over a cliff. And to the bridge it was a multiple day trek and that was only once you knew the way."

"That sounds a little sad. What if someone got sick or needed emergency surgeries?"

"We did have some stores for medicines, just those were reserved for when a person looked really bad and there was a doctor present. We just happened to be lucky unlike Paddra and had a lot of powerful medicinal herbs around. If neither worked or if someone needed serious surgery we would try and keep them alive until our fastest runners could get a message out but most of the time all we could do was ease their pain as we waited for their death." Vanille said softly as she started to gaze off.

Getting brought out of the slight trance by the placing of a soft and gentle if a little awkward hand on her shoulder, Vanille quickly shook her head. "Sorry Light. I wasn't drifting that way." Vanille started as she took a deep breath. "It isn't to say that we didn't get check ups. For a week every season some doctors would come to our village and Paddra which is how we know so much about the plants that grow around our villages just they couldn't stay all the time and you can't prevent bad things from happening."

"What about your parents? I'm sure they wouldn't have any way to relax if you got sick..." Reynn spoke softly as Vanille just looked at the cards in her hand.

"I'm an orphan. Nobody knows my dad and my mom was an example of bad things happening. She died giving birth to me after a beast attacked her..." Vanille spoke softly as she lowered the cards down. "Light... I'm not in the mood to play anymore." Vanille said in a soft tone as she moved the cards towards the center.

Not even giving Lightning a chance to ask her what was the matter Vanille stood up and nearly sprinted out of the room. Sighing internally, Lightning looked towards the shocked expression. "Everyone is in here for a reason... and shockingly that isn't hers. I need to go see if she is alright."

"Okay..." Lann said as Lightning stood up and placed her stack of cards on top of Vanille's. "Shut up Tama..."

"We should probably go to get more of our medication anyways..." Reynn said as Lightning just smiled at her.

' _ **For once, you didn't make her storm off crying... but I don't think they contributed to it either... at least you aren't the only one who hears a super smart and sexy voice in your head.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning started to walk out of the room and towards the only room she knew Vanille found comfort in. Or at least she knew that there were two rooms that she knew where Vanille found comfort in. Even down to the point that she knew that there was no chance that Vanille was in her room.

Opening her door she just felt her lips press into a thin line as she could see Vanille sitting in the corner of her bed, tears building up in her eyes as she clutched Lightning's pillow to her chest. Walking over, Lightning took a seat on the edge of the bed as she gently pulled Vanille into a hug.

Just the feeling of initiating a hug was strange and a little revolting to her. At least she could see it being that if it was anyone but Vanille who needed her to hug them.

"I'm sorry... I just..."

"It's okay Vanille. How many times have you caught me in a similar situation where I don't know how to explain it to you? Just... enjoy my first self initiated hug and take from it all the comfort you can."

Smiling faintly as she felt Lightning pull the cuff of her sleeve up as to just dry her eyes a bit. Despite how awkward it felt, she was still happy that Lightning was still trying her hardest to give her what she needs. It was actually a little funny. Just because she knew how hard this was for Lightning to do but she was still trying her hardest.

"Have I mentioned that I hate seeing you cry?" Lightning whispered softly as Vanille just laughed softly as she snuggled further into Lightning's embrace. "I'm serious. I tend to not care overly if people cry. Especially when it is over something stupid in my eyes... like people looking at my past. But you... I really hate seeing you cry. And if it makes you feel better so does the voice."

' _ **Correction, I hate it when**_ **you** _ **make her cry. This time she set herself off it seems.'**_

"It does make me feel a little better... and while you aren't the best at giving comfort... the thought is what counts. I just don't know what set me off... I've thought about my parents a lot but... just something tipped me over." Vanille said softly as she just took a deep breath.

"If we ever did come out to my mother, chances are she'd accept you as one of her own... but I don't have many warm memories of her... and if your father is alive, I could use my family's influence to find him. It would probably be the one good duty my family has genuinely done in I'd say a hundred years."

"I don't want to know him. He abandoned me if he was alive. Fang is my father, mother, big sister and best friend. I mean when she found out about me and you she was just as mad at me as you were when you both found out that I put you ahead of my recovery... although she did that stupid forehead flick to me. Which hurts a little, but you made me actually feel bad." Vanille whispered softly as Lightning just took a deep breath and pulled her closer.

"I don't want you to ever put me ahead of yourself Vanille. You know that. Standing offer though. If you ever want to find him, give me a few months and if he is alive I or even Serah could find him. But you know that despite the fact that I'm not very good at expressing my emotions... you know I won't abandon you. Hell it would take one of us dying to keep us separated... but I just know if it was you, I wouldn't be very far behind."

"Suicide isn't funny Light." Vanille scolded.

"I'm sorry."

' _ **You weren't joking and that is frankly the scary part to me. And I'm sure it would be scary to everyone that**_ _ **knows**_ _ **you.'**_

"Thanks for being here anyways Light."

"I'm happy to be here for you Vanille."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Pausing the video, Yuna just took a deep breath as she leaned her head backwards. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her but she knew that there had to be something. "Is it wrong that I now want everyone to earn their genital rights? I feel like that would solve so many problems."

"You aren't the only one. Frankly what is shocking me more even though I intended to do it is just how desensitised to this I'm becoming. I just know every time I watch this there is going to be something worse." Rosa said in a soft tone as she rubbed her eyes. "On a different note, at least Lightning doesn't seem like she has slid backwards any."

"She thinks she has a little because of how she has been talking to it a bit more needing some reassurance. Mostly involving Celes and if she would call her by her birth name, which frankly given everything, I don't really mind it all that much. That is a tiny tiny thing. I just hope that from here on that we only ever need to deal with those easy problems with her. I might actually be able to get some sleep properly and I would love not to be repulsed by my husband." Yuna said as he started to rub her eyes.

"I agree... and Cecil at least has some frame of reference. And that alone is enough to screw with me because he also hasn't been in an overly fond mood. Just if the remainder of her problems is fear of someone calling her by a name... I'd be extremely happy. But sadly there is still a lot we need to unpack with her. Like a lot we need to unpack. I mean... there is so much internal history we need to deal with... I mean she spent years with her family... hell we don't even know everything that can trigger a PTSD episode. Just Kramer and when someone touches her when she isn't aware of it coming. The main exception to the latter is Vanille." Rosa said in a soft tone as she started to rub her own eyes.

Frankly as far as Rosa was concerned the main issue wasn't even the footage they had been watching, but how casual the topic was to Lightning. Since her first partial viewing of some scenes she still found it unhealthy that Lightning was as put together as she seemed.

"Right, we both need some rest... let's just go home and take some time to relax." Yuna said standing up as she could see the lights flashing causing her to just sigh as she looked towards Rosa who groaned and started to rub her eyes.

"Go Yuna. Chances are it is Vanille missing the head count because she fell asleep and Lightning couldn't wake her up again." Rosa said as she sighed gently standing up as she picked up the desk phone. "One of us deserves a decent night's sleep."

"Are you sure? If either of us needs a decent night's rest it is you... I mean I only watch the video when we are together but you do it almost masochistically." Yuna said as Rosa held a hand up to stop her.

"I'll be fine Yuna. At least my husband understands what I need."

"Tidus understands what I need. He is just like a big dog unfortunately and just doesn't get the concept that sometimes I'd rather be alone processing this and it is far from the range a hug can heal." Yuna said walking towards the door. "But he still knows that talking is what I need, just that I can't talk about what I'd like to." Yuna said in a soft tone as she started to walk towards the door.

"Sazh, who is it?"

" _Vanille._ "

"Check Lightning's room. She wouldn't do her old traditional breaking out. Not unless Lightning is missing as well. If that is the case we will have a lot bigger issues. If she is there, bring them both up." Rosa continued as she just hung up the phone as she just sighed gently. "Gods I hope that she is there because I've no idea what could have set her off if she did try to run."

* * *

Grumbling as she tried to roll over Vanille let out a scream of shock as she hit the ground from the corner she had fallen asleep in. Staring at the ceiling Vanille just groaned. "Oh poopy... I'm in big trouble... like big big trouble." Vanille said as she started to look around. "At least I'm not going to drag Lightning down again... and it is going to be actually a good one this time..." Vanille mumbled as she walked towards the doors to the library.

Bounding down the last few steps, Vanille just sighed as she could see the security lights being on. "That is a bigger poopy moment..." Vanille thought as she gave the doors a sharp tug as she just frowned. "Biggest poopy. And they aren't going to think of looking for me here..."

Vanille started to curse her luck as she quickly walked over towards the librarian desk where she smiled as she saw the card she was looking for. "Remember what Yuna said when you became a trustee. If you are in trouble and the orderlies in the room are already busy dial the second number. If you are in trouble mentally... dial the first." Vanille said as she picked up the phone and started to hum as she strained her eyes as she started to hit the buttons that she just started to hope was right.

* * *

"So you've got no idea where Vanille is?" Rosa asked as she started to pace the small area behind her desk.

"No, she was late for our normal reading time and I assumed she was in trouble with you and Yuna for the constant asking for the joint room." Lightning said as Rosa could see her phone ringing once again. Picking it up she just hoped that it was Sazh saying that they found her,

"Give me some good news." Rosa said as she could hear a small meep. "Vanille? Where are you?"

" _Okay I promise to explain. Just can you come and unlock the library?_ " Vanille asked softly as Rosa just let out a relieved sigh.

"Yeah I'll send Sazh to bring you up here. But I expect an explanation Vanille." Rosa stated softly as she took a deep breath once she heard the okay from Vanille she pressed the receiver and quickly dialled Sazh's extension. "Sazh, I need you to go let Vanille out of the library and bring her up to me so she can explain this."

" _The library? The girl who can't read and has a long long list of attempted break outs... is in the room furthest from any exit filled with books..._ "

"Vanille can read..." Lightning spat softly as Rosa held a finger up to her to just silence her for a moment just so she could get done talking to Sazh.

"She called me Sazh. Not to mention if she was trying to break out that would be the worst place to send orderlies to. It is literally right next to her constant way out of the building. So just go and get her and bring her up to me."

Not waiting for any sort of retaliation from Sazh, Rosa quickly hung up the phone as she looked at Lightning who had a look of annoyance strewn on her features. It wasn't even a mystery as to why it was on Lightning's face to her. "You need to take a deep breath Lightning. Sazh doesn't mean anything by it. He is just largely exhausted right now and most of Vanille breaking out is an autopilot thing."

"She wouldn't break out and leave me..." Lightning muttered as Rosa just sighed gently as she looked towards Lightning as she gently took her hand. "She has promised time and time again that she wouldn't..."

"I know Lightning. I didn't think she did actually run provided you were still here. I just had to know where she is for her safety." Rosa said softly as she could see the teen just taking a deep breath.

"She wouldn't have left me... be it the mortal coil or building much to everyone's chagrin. My own included because she keeps putting what she perceives as my own happiness above her own health."

"That is a lie Lightning." Rosa said as she separated from Lightning and started to walk around her desk and getting comfortable in her seat. "She does make you happy and we both know that. You forget how much time we spend together and how much it is my job to read between the lines of what you say and what you mean. And while I admit that you are a paradox in that you aren't as complicated as every other patient, but you are still the most complicated person I've ever had the actual pleasure to deal with."

' _ **You aren't even that complicated... and both of your shrinks know that.'**_

"Shut up." Lightning hissed softly as she could just see Rosa smiling faintly at the comment as if the gesture was clearly not meant for her. It was something that was fairly simple but it did just give her that much more confidence in her assessment if the voice was giving Lightning the same sort of attitude about the topic. It always gave her a good feeling if just because it had constantly meant that even a part of Lightning understands. It was something that was so simple but it just made her that much happier.

The silence the duo fell into was broken by the door flying open. "I'm telling you Sazh, I wasn't trying to break out. I was looking for the meaning of a word and just looking at the wall of words made me sleepy and I fell asleep in that small hidey hole that everyone knows about but forgets to check late at night." Vanille complained he started to walk up to Rosa's desk. "As I explained to Sazh, I was busy looking for the meaning of a word and Lightning was busy writing a letter to someone and even if she doesn't let it on, I just know that it would be an annoyance and I fell asleep instead of figuring out what the word 'voyage' means..." Vanille began as she crossed her arms in protest against what she saw as a blatant assassination of her own character. Especially with how much she has changed since she had met Lightning.

Sighing gently, Rosa waved Sazh off as she took a deep breath. "It means a journey. And that doesn't change the fact that you were still outside your room after head count. You are a trustee Vanille."

"And you had me worried that you had left me." Lightning interrupted alerting Vanille all of a sudden to the fact that she was there. Lightning wasn't even aware why she had said something like that. She knew, at least on the superficial level that Vanille really wouldn't. But just the sight of Vanille spinning around and quickly diving to hug her just seemed to reassure her.

The comfort that brought was a marvel to Lightning if just because this still was a mystery to her. She was even tempted to ask for the Voice's input when Vanille spoke softly to her.

"I'd never leave you, you big smart dummy. But I'm sorry for making you worry like that. I just really wanted to try it myself and I remembered the book you told me about that I thought was a story book..." Vanille said as Lightning just gently returned the hug. She was actually really enjoying this moment even if it would be undercut soon enough by Rosa giving out and punishing Vanille.

"Vanille. Back on topic here. You do understand that I do need to punish you right?" Rosa said as she could see the red haired teen reluctantly separate from her girlfriend to just stare at her feet in front of the doctor.

"I'm sorry Rosa. Again, I didn't mean to fall asleep... it just kind of happened you know I wouldn't leave Lightning..."

"I do, and I'm happy that you called me. No deserts for a week." Rosa said as she looked at Vanille breathing a sigh of relief.

' _Why did I say that to Vanille?_ ' Lightning spat mentally as she could see Vanille just walking up to her to hug her once again as Lightning just returned the hug.

' _ **Because it is something you fear. I'd actually say it is more of a fear for you than trains, and about as much of a fear for you as turning into your father. You don't fear being alone, but you fear being alone because Vanille left you. Your sister and mother both have left you in the past, so this is the first time that it would actually bring a real sense of pain to it. Besides just that hollow feeling you are used to during the purge... the abandonment.'**_

"Shut up..." Lightning hissed as she started to pull her legs up to her chest as she pushed Vanille away. A gesture that was simple enough for Vanille to understand that she shouldn't actually get as close to Lightning as she wanted to. She knew that this was drifting dangerously close to when Lightning does break down and if she harmed her Vanille didn't want to imagine what Lightning would do then.

"Vanille, can you please go outside and follow Sazh back to your room?" Rosa demanded in the thinly veiled question. Seeing the desire to stay being ever present in Vanille's eyes, but Rosa had to stop this now. "Vanille, you know I've never intentionally misled you. I recognise the signs as well and I know Lightning doesn't enjoy talking about herself when there is another person in the room." Rosa explained as Lightning just took a panicked breath as Vanille just bit her bottom lip.

She knew that was a very true sentiment. She had known Lightning well enough to know that that was the case and knew Rosa even longer and knew that at least since she knew Lightning that she really didn't mean to mislead her.

"I trust you..." Vanille said as she turned towards Lightning. "Just... can I wait outside? I don't feel like I could go to sleep if she harms herself and I was the cause. It might actually result in burning down the road..." Vanille continued as Rosa just sighed a defeated sigh.

It was something that Vanille had learned since her and Lightning had really gotten to know each other. Just saying the truth with the doctors tended to get people fairly far. Especially if it is something involving then they were even in the building needing to be cared for to begin with.

"You have until eleven Vanille. If Lightning isn't out by then, you are going to need to go to your room regardless." Rosa said as Vanille just nodded her head as she walked out of the room with Rosa closely following her for what she knew was just to let Sazh know.

' _ **You know it is true Lightning and that is what scares you. It attacks your idea that you are an island. That you are a rock. But you really aren't. No human is. You just like to say you are because it is an attitude I'll be the first to admit I fostered for too long because it was needed for us to survive... but everyone who has the power to wrong us is dead. You can appear weak to some**_ _ **people, Lightning**_ _ **.'**_

Closing her eyes, Lightning just took a deep breath. "Shut. Up." Lightning spat as she jumped slightly from the feeling of someone touching her. Biting back the instinct to snap at whoever it was just in case it was Vanille. She didn't want to imagine what it would be like on the off chance that the voice was right about this one factor,

Lightning just cracked an eye open and breathed a sigh of relief that at least it wasn't Vanille. But she still couldn't lash out at Rosa. At least because she knew Vanille wasn't going to be that far. She never was it seemed.

"What did the voice say that set you off like that Lightning?" Rosa asked as Lightning could feel her throat going parched at the comment. She had no idea why. She had explained some of these comments for a long long time but for some reason this was going to be a hard thing. "You know Vanille wouldn't leave. You said that much yourself." Rosa said as she brought her hand back for fear that this would be the one time she experienced Lightning's anger first hand.

' _ **Voice it Light. If I'm wrong, they'll take great joys pointing it out... but I think you know the truth is that I'm right. Like so often when it comes to us. I will happily welcome the day where I do turn out to be wrong because that means you've almost entirely healed and no longer need me.'**_

"Shut up and I will." Lightning hissed before she took a deep breath. She just knew that she would need to and questioned if she had any sort of choice in the matter. She knew on the surface she didn't want to but she also knew from looking back on past experiences that the voice would often manipulate her into talking about things she didn't want to. Almost all of which Lightning looks back on almost fondly.

' _ **The floor is yours...'**_

"It was saying how I said it because deep down I do actually fear it. I only know Vanille wouldn't leave me on the surface but deep down I fear being alone more than anything. And it is wrong. I'm used to being alone... people have always left me... and it is wrong. It has to be wrong..."

"Humans aren't an Island Lightning. We are social creatures. But why does that scare you?"

"I don't want to talk about this... I just want to go back to my room..."

"Okay Lightning. You know you can... just give it some thought... please."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

_Falling down into the sand Lightning had just wanted to let out that one long guttural scream at knowing that she had screwed things up with Rosa. Everything out of nowhere seemed like it was falling apart, but she didn't. She had no idea why she didn't._

" _ **It is because you fear me."**_ _The voice said causing Lightning to quickly sit up and stare at her._ _ **"Well you don't fear me like you feared your Father when you were much younger. You don't even fear me as a concept. You understand now at least that I was necessary for your survival. You fear that I'm right."**_ _The voice continued as she plopped down carefully._

" _What are you talking about!?" Lightning yelled letting the anger at herself fly_ _free just_ _because she knew from the constant mantra of the_ _voice that_ _she was as much_ _a part_ _of Lightning as this world Lightning had constructed to confront it._

" _ **You actually fear that Vanille might one day might abandon you. It is a normal fear Lightning."**_ _The voice started as she just took a deep almost pained breath._ _ **"It means you are in a healthy relationship... at least as long as you don't act on those fears. But you'd need to push her very far for that fear to be well founded Light. We both know that she'd more than likely kill herself because she can't harm people even emotionally."**_

" _Shut up! I'd never harm Vanille intentionally and she knows that! She'd also never abandon me!" Lightning screamed as she scrambled up to her feet as the Voice just took another pained breath._

" _ **She without a doubt in your mind shares the same fear. You both just don't want to talk about it. 'Be ignorant of the knowledge' after all. However it is easy to resolve this fear and leave it to just a niggling at the back part of your mind. Talk to her. Lashing out at yourself like you are...isn't going to help you any. It is going to make your stay here infinitely longer. Ask the shrinks about the anger turned inward theory."**_

" _None of this is making sense!"_

" _ **It does and you know it does. But you should be waking up soon. Otherwise you will lose that last hoodie you have until tomorrow. Vanille is crafty enough to know you won't harm her and if she wants the last hoodie she will take it."**_

* * *

"Serah, am I forgetting anything?" Mary asked into the intercom as she came to a stop at the table in her closet knowing that she'd be visiting Lightning for two days. "Palom, Porom... anything?" Mary asked as she could hear two sets of footsteps walking towards the outer door to the room before a soft knocking.

Gliding over towards the door, Mary opened it and just smiled at the sight of the teenage boy holding a box out. "Her extra hoodies. Thank you Palom. Can you just carry it over to the table." Mary asked as the boy just nodded simply as he began to lug it the rest of the way into the room. "How are your studies going?" Mary asked as she could see him just sighing a little.

"He got in trouble... we were here one day and he got in trouble. Just because I was talking to a boy he got into a fight." Mary heard from behind her as she just smiled softly.

"What happened to you letting me tell her!?" Palom yelled as Mary spun around to watch the twins getting ready to fight just causing Mary to smile at what she missed out with Lightning and Serah. She had wanted to revel in this moment as she knew they would never actually harm each other but she also knew that she couldn't let it get too far.

"Can both of you not fight? I've twenty minutes before I need to go do more soul crushing work. Oh and you'd forget these." Serah said as she produced a wrapped plate with several pieces of the treat Mary was bringing with her missing.

Staring at her Mary just lowered the plate down. "What? I was being good... the twins and I had to make sure they were good enough for Claire. Plus you never make us any." Serah demanded as Mary just sighed.

"I made you some last night. You know your sister has issues with her blood sugar. And you know she'd scream at you for calling her that."

"I've worked twenty hours seven days a week Mom. I barely remember what day it is. And if I wasn't expected to meet the city council of Mysidia today I'd probably wouldn't remember what day it was at all short of... crap... he said his name to me like a thousand times and it always slips my mind when it wouldn't have before I took over for Father..."

"Balthier. He is a very nice man. And very charming. I want a boyfriend to be just like that." Porom said as Serah shook her head. "What?"

"You do not. Trust me. I know about overbearing siblings... plus he doesn't seem like he is entirely honest... or that he wouldn't cheat." Serah said as she crossed her arms before she just sighed. "Anyways, I wouldn't know what day it was if it wasn't for Balthier helping me out. Just don't tell Claire how long I've been working. She would get furious and not realise I'm doing it so I can get a full weekend talking with her and just being down there with her away from this hellscape." Serah said just sighing as Mary smiled faintly. "Now Palom, Porom, you've tutors in an hour until one in the afternoon. And while you both know Latin and English, I know from talking to the Abbot that you both aren't very good at writing in Latin and need help in just about every non language subject so we are going to get that started today. Okay?"

"Fine."

Seeing the slightly dejected expression overtake their features as they walked out of the room, Serah just sighed lightly as she turned towards her mother. "Why does everyone act like I am being hard... They didn't have Father breathing down their neck. I just want them to have the best life they can when they turn eighteen." Serah complained as Mary simply shook her head as she wrapped her in a hug. "Bad enough I have Claire claiming I'm becoming just like him... I'm not, am I mom?"

Feeling herself start slightly, Mary just took a deep breath before she spoke. It wasn't even a question she knew she could dodge like the many others that Serah would ask that Mary didn't know how to answer without twisting Serah's world view further. Something that she had always tried to avoid when she could.

"You are far from like your father Serah." Mary said as she rubbed her youngest's back. "He was a ruthless man that wouldn't let anything get in his way. Not to mention the only care he had for your sister was how he could make her suffer after The Purge to drive her to suicide. It was something he frequently would tell me and threatened my life if I ever told you." Mary said as she separated slightly to just happily stare at Serah. "You and Claire are far far from like your father. Even if you both might do things that actually make me think otherwise, but you both always do what you think is right and not what you want for the joy of causing misery." Mary said as Serah just smiled up at her.

"Why would you marry him? The more I learn about him the more I don't think anyone should have loved him." Serah whispered softly as Mary just smiled and held her tighter.

"You can never tell a Farron 'No'... it has a lot of meanings depending on who the head is. And your grandfather was far worse to people when they told him that simple, one syllable word. I saw the destruction he would sew across a much larger kingdom than my own when they refused him a glass of water when he was staying in the capital looking at an investment as he called it." Mary spoke as she just sighed gently.

"The more I learn about my family the more I want to destroy it but I can't. Not for a lack of trying I might add. But just because it is impossible without destroying the world it seems." Serah muttered happily as Mary just smiled faintly at her. "But seriously Mom... don't tell Claire... I don't want her to worry... and don't mention the twins moving into the mansion or my sponsoring of their education. I promised them they could tell her. And have been looking forward to it. Hell if they weren't meant to hit the ground running I'd even offer to send them down with you..."

"I know Serah. But you should get something to eat. Especially if you are going to be dealing with meetings in person. I'll be quick with the last few things and I'll get the driver to see me off at the train and I have transport already established for when I arrive. Just don't work them too hard. They know that they'll need to strive far as to not squander your gift, but pressure achieves nothing you'd want."

"I know... just safe trip Mom and call me every night. Otherwise I will worry."

"I promise you I will. And I promise that Claire won't know anything about your work hours or of Palom and Porom."

* * *

Resting her head against the wall, Lightning just took a deep breath as she closed her eyes hearing the door open followed by some gentle skipping inwards. She didn't even need to open her eyes to know that it could only be one person.

No one else would even think about just walking into her room without at least knocking. And it was probably the one person that Lightning didn't really want to see right now. If just because it was causing so much turmoil that she hadn't felt in a long time. At least directed towards her.

"You alright Lightning? I'm not used to seeing you not working out in the morning." Vanille asked as she walked over towards Lightning's bed as she sat down just looking at Lightning gently banging her head against the wall. A gesture that caused that Vanille to panic a little if just because she knew how far Lightning could go. The only solace she knew was that the chances are the brick wall would break before her skull did. "And... can you please give me a sign if you are going to do self harm?"

"I'm not going to do self harm. I'm just trying to think." Lightning said calmly as her head came to a stop after what Vanille had to admit was a really strong hit. Just the gesture had caused Vanille's stomach to lurch forward as she just heard a sigh coming from the woman. "I'm not prone to self harm. I'm just trying to knock some stuff free in my head and sometimes it works when it is physical with me."

"Yeah and for me it is giving me nasty flashbacks to you nearly breaking your skull..." Vanille said softly as Lightning just sighed as she opened her eyes to just stare at Vanille. "Seriously. I know to you that isn't that bad... and I trust that you wouldn't intentionally self harm. At least not in front of me... but I can't stress how much stress and pain that put me under."

"It's fine Vanille. I meant what I said. Sometimes a gentle banging my head against the wall helps me think. If I was actually trying a repeat, I'd do it against the windows. They are made of the same type of glass. Probably the same thickness. Just it would also get me a room change and would cause you and my family a lot of stress that I don't want to deal with."

"Can you just not brush my concerns off Light. When it comes to you doing something to your body I can never tell where the line is. If it was me... or just about any one in the building I know you don't mean to harm them unless they back you into a metaphorical corner with ill intent." Vanille said standing up to just stare at her girlfriend. "But when it comes to you... that line is a skipping rope. And it makes me feel awful every time I need to ask Yuna if I can be allowed into the medical wing to see you because you just wouldn't talk to me about something that is clearly bothering you." Vanille said in a slightly raised voice as she could see Lightning standing up but she knew that she couldn't back down from this, if just because she knew Lightning tended to cave a lot sooner in this regard. She always did.

Gently taking one of Vanille's hands, Lightning pulled Vanille a bit closer. "I'm not trying to harm myself Vanille. And the reason I'm not talking about it with you is because it involves the Voice and while I know you hate it when I don't talk to you about what the voice is saying right away, you know I almost always do eventually." Lightning said as Vanille just sighed staring into the deep oceans that were Lightning's eyes. "I promise you Vanille. If I ever intend to self harm I won't attempt to break my head open like an egg."

Smacking her shoulder, Vanille just glared harshly. "Don't even make jokes about that. I know it doesn't compare to what you've seen... but to me that is extremely traumatic. And I'm a woman who tried to set herself on fire and used to frequently give herself first to second degree burns. Like all the time. But seeing someone actually trying to hurt themselves like that."

"It is going to be fine Vanille. I'm not joking. I wouldn't do that. Breaking a bone or two sure but I won't damage my head."

"I don't like you brushing me and my concerns off so casually Lightning. No one knows where your line is not even you. Something you've said to me repeatedly. One day you said you wouldn't break your hands and a few days later I caught you beating the walls in here because you stood up quickly and knocked me on my bum." Vanille stated as Lightning just sighed.

"I'd rather not fight Vanille. You are right, I don't know where my line is. The doctors don't know which is why they've taken to putting me in solitary when they know I've accidentally harmed someone. But that right there. That wasn't me trying to self harm. I haven't done anything in the last week to cause me to want to in any way, I know you worry about my health as do a lot of people. But if death hasn't taken me yet I don't think he will until I'm old, senile and have a legion of dogs to carry my body into the after life." Lightning said with a smile just so she could impart some of the confidence in her statement towards Vanille.

"I'm never not going to worry about you Light. Everything you do is so calculated when there is, even the chances that there will be a person within ear shot unless that person is me. And you've no regard for your body. So sorry for assuming that out of the many times I've walked in on you something seemingly natural you've been harming yourself that this time was any different. I can read people surprisingly well... except you." Vanille said softly as Lightning just gently pulled Vanille into a hug.

"Nobody, myself included wants me to harm my head. But I'm not brushing your concerns off because they aren't unfounded... they are very much founded. I'm brushing your concerns off because I know that time I wasn't trying to hurt myself. So I'm just worried that my girlfriend doesn't trust me."

"We are in a loony bin Light. Hell you don't even like being called by your birth name... which I maintain is still a very pretty name."

"You know my life hasn't been easy Vanille. I don't think it ever has. Despite what it might seem like to just about everyone. And that name has a lot of negative history to it. And I mean outside of my Father. But this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation either. Instead let's just go get some food for breakfast. It is your favourite day where you don't need to fight for seconds." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled. Lightning just felt relieved slightly at the feeling of Vanille hugging her tightly.

Returning the embrace, Lightning just smiled gently as Vanille just seemed to relax at the simple gesture that Lightning was well aware that Vanille was often smug just because she was the only one in the building that Lightning doesn't have any sort of limit on hugging. "I'd rather if you didn't hurt yourself Light. But please if you do... just tell me if you are going to... or the doctors... someone. Please."

"I will Van. You know I don't like making you worried over anything involving me. Including when I know you worry if I don't eat enough... which lets face it now that I brought that up, it is going to make you worried about that now. Because I only had two servings last night." Lightning said as Vanille pulled back to stare into her eyes.

"Let's get you fed. You need to stop starving yourself." Vanille scolded as she leaned up to kiss Lightning chastely before she pulled back and started to lead Lightning out of her room. "You aren't an island anymore Light. People are going to worry about you. I'm going to worry about you. And this is one of the tiniest things you can do to not cause that. Just eat your fill." Vanille continued to scold as Lightning just began to weave her fingers into Vanille's just enjoying how the smaller girl started to slow down as they came to the elevators. "I'm sorry I'm seeming like a crazy girlfriend... but I do worry about you Light."

"It's okay. We are in an asylum after all."

' _ **Even she doesn't think you are an island.'**_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

Knowing that this wasn't going to be the most pleasant of conversations she had to have, Vanille just knew that she had to have it. She didn't want to risk Lightning's health. And she definitely didn't want to let Lightning risk that.

As the door opened, Vanille just smiled at the doctor that she knew she could trust. The only one in the building really that she did at least when it came to Lightning because she knew that Lightning had trusted her.

"Vanille, this is a surprise but a welcome one. I just got that tea we were talking about in, and knew you didn't have anything and was going to go find you. I figure an Oerba tea should be first enjoyed by an Oerba native. But judging by your expression this isn't something you are going to enjoy telling me so come on in." Yuna said as she could see Vanille just smiling a slightly hollow smile as she walked in and quickly over towards the sitting area where she just stood and sighed as she started to hug herself.

Seeing the expression, Yuna forwent her normal tradition of boiling some water and instantly took her seat across from where Vanille was standing. She knew it had to be something big if Vanille was here as is. Especially because it hadn't been about her herself because if that was the case she knew she would have been told of at least six reports from various people of Vanille calling said person or thing out publicly and possibly doing something reckless for her or some other patients. That had always been what Vanille does when it concerned her personally.

So that left that it was a patient and the only reasons she was talking to Yuna instead of Rosa meant that it was a single patient.

"What is going on with Lightning?" Yuna asked as Vanille just sighed as she plopped down into a seat.

"She was smacking her head against a wall and brushed off my concern." Vanille said as Yuna began to sit up at attention a lot more as she just stared at Vanille. "She was just sitting down and banging the back of her head against a wall, and I had been rightfully concerned." Vanille said in a soft tone as Yuna just pressed her lips into a thin line as she leaned back a little as Vanille would inevitably go on and try and fill her the rest of the way in about what had happened as she would wait for Yuna to mention how what she was doing despite how she felt was still the right thing. "She claimed she was just trying to think... but I can never tell what is a fairly innocent thing that I know people do and when she actually wants to harm herself and she was starting to get mad at me for being worried that she'd harm herself. Not to mention when that was going on I couldn't help but remember the time both her and I were in solitary where she was smacking her head against the window and I wasn't being listened to."

Hearing that comment, Yuna just shuddered internally at the memory. "I get why you are worried Vanille. Especially with Lightning's history of how she reacts to certain things and how she reacts with her body. But sadly you do need to accept some things at face value. Especially when it comes to Lightning. You are right for bringing this to me and I'll be sure to talk to her about it. But like when I explain things about you to Fang, you can be worried, but you also need to accept some things at face value. If she says she wasn't you've got to trust her that she wasn't." Yuna said as Vanille began to look sullen at that simple statement. "I know it is painful. But you need to remember Lightning seldom makes decisions based on emotion. It is always logic which is why I'm not as worried about her. I know she hasn't done anything to warrant the logic to click in her head."

"But... things tend to fester in her head and she tosses things around and I always feel like I'm the last person being told from things about her and she just shuts up at points and it makes me feel unloved." Vanille said as she crossed her arms over her chest and began to slide down her seat.

Sighing Yuna began to stand up and walked over towards the kettle. "We don't approve relationships here for that amongst a bunch of other reasons. But trust me Vanille. You are not the last person she tells things. If anything you are often the first. Besides herself that is."

"Doesn't feel like it. I mean She doesn't even like to talk about the video you and Rosa watch..." Vanille muttered as Yuna stopped, mid tea making process as she just took a deep breath.

"That is because it is a very very raw thing Vanille. And she also doesn't want to let that information to get out. But also Rosa and myself also barely have the tools to handle watching it. And not to mention it isn't a fun thing. This is partially what she went through that shaped her into what you see. The damage she suffered and still does suffer from wasn't all entirely from her father. But people like you and like me. And the viciousness in the videos means that Serah and her mother couldn't handle a few minutes of. How do you think you would fair watching it? Keeping in mind if you bring Lightning with you, you might as well be torturing her in just as cruel a manner as people in the video do." Yuna said as she poured the water into the teapot as she walked over towards Vanille who she could see was confused. "She doesn't want you to know what we watch for your safety and sanity."

"It doesn't make me feel any more loved knowing that." Vanille said in a calm tone as Yuna just sighed gently.

"That isn't something I can help with. At least not with Lightning being absent. But I do assure you that Lightning would let you know if she didn't. She is actually very open. With everything barring her emotions. It takes her time to figure things out in that regard but eventually she will open up about those things as well. At least once she has it all figured out." Yuna said as she opened up the box on the table and started to scoop some of the loose leaves into the pot. "Lightning is nothing if not open and honest."

"You forgot pretty and smart." Vanille muttered as Yuna just chuckled softly as she placed the lids onto the respective containers.

"My husband is my type of person. But I will give you that she is objectively pretty and the more I learn about her the smarter she becomes. And that isn't something that is exclusive to me. Rosa would agree to both of those points. But I meant beyond that things like that. I mean she is even open about what her and the Voice talks about." Yuna said as Vanille just sighed gently.

"She wasn't last night... at least not while I was in the room being punished for falling asleep in the library and she didn't talk to Rosa that long after I left the room because Rosa let me wait for her." Vanille said as Yuna just sighed gently as she picked up a cup and started to pour some into the mug. "And that doesn't help her hitting her head. Claimed it was a normal thing."

"You know regardless Rosa or I couldn't tell you what was or wasn't talked about. And I hate to agree with Lightning depending on how hard she was hitting her head it is a normal thing for some people. I mean I do it sometimes. Would you consider me a person at risk of self harm?"

"If you nearly broke your head in front of me yeah I would. What is with people that hitting your head is considered normal?" Vanille asked as she accepted the cup and just took a deep breath and smiled at the memories that came flooding back of her and Fang being invited into the tent because Vanille was going to learn something from the healer and Fang was bored and tagged along.

"Why does anyone do anything? I know personally it helps me think when I have something on the tip of my tongue. But how is the tea?" Yuna asked as she poured her own as she watched Vanille taking a deep breath and taking a sip.

"It needs to steep a bit longer... but does bring back some fond memories of my village. It seems like you got a nice batch though." Vanille said as Yuna nodded her head and took a sip.

"That is a strange but delicious taste. It does kind of remind me of open skies and a freshness to it. Which I suppose is how it got its name." Yuna said softly as Vanille just smiled faintly.

"No... well kind of... it tends to grow on cliff surfaces under certain tree species. It is why it was a tea reserved for really important guests. But we are getting off topic." Vanille complained as she could see Yuna just chuckling a little. "You don't want to talk about it do you?"

"I do not. Besides of course my obligations to my profession but also because Lightning trusts me and I don't want to betray that trust. And also just the content of the videos is actually very stomach churning."

"What like they ripped out her fingernails? Placed bamboo under them?" Vanille asked as Yuna sighed gently as she lowered her mug to stare at the teen.

' _Gods how I wish it was that tame._ ' Yuna thought as she just took a deep breath. "Vanille. I really can't talk about it. Anything I see or learn about a patient stays with me, it doesn't matter who or how powerful that patient is. It is the same with what you tell me and what I learn even outside of our chats. It needs to be that way to allow people to open up." Yuna said as she just sighed gently. "If you want to, we can continue to talk about teas, animals, anything under the sun that concerns you specifically. We can even not talk about anything and just enjoy the tea. But we cannot continue this train of conversation until either I have Lightning's express consent or I think she is in immediate risk to herself in which case it is her Mother I need to talk to. Or any spouse depending on the situation."

"Do girlfriends not get any sort of consideration?" Vanille pouted as Yuna just sighed.

"Not without both being of age and are legally sane which isn't something that you can be declared while being a current patient of a Mental Hospital."

"There is always a catch." Vanille pouted as she took a deep sip from the mug as she lowered it back down as Yuna nodded her head and started to pour some more into the mug.

"How goes learning to read and write?" Yuna asked as she smiled at Vanille just accepting the hot mug and smiled faintly as she took a sip from it.

"It has been going good. Lightning suggested this one book that is longer than what I had been reading and while I'm reading that with her called 'The Greatest Ship' and I like it."

"Oh my, showing my age here, but I remember when I was six and that came out. And I read it like crazy. Didn't even know the library we have here had it. Would you consider reading the sequels after that one?" Yuna asked as Vanille picked up at the comment.

"There are more?"

"There are twenty nine if memory serves me. If you can't find a copy of them I'm sure I have my copies somewhere in storage and I wouldn't mind lending them out to inspire the same desire to read." Yuna said with a smile as Vanille bounced a little. "And they all are kind of happy. But I did always wonder what happened between stories that caused people to stop listening to Chocolina and Rydia... but that was just for my own curiosity."

"Don't spoil it... I'm only about half way through the first book and normally I don't care about it being spoiled but I actually really really don't want that with my first proper book." Vanille pouted as Yuna just smiled and took a sip of her tea before refreshing her own cup.

"I have no intention of doing that. I'm actually very happy that you've taken such an initiative."

* * *

Handing the letters into the mailbox, Lightning just smiled as she took a step back and just hoped that Palom and Porom had at least picked up a little if just because she could tell in their writing that they had seemed a bit down. Not near the panic levels she had seen personally in the past, but she did know that as long as they were together not much could stop them. At least as long as both were thinking properly and not being purely reactive.

' _ **They are going to be fine. I'd be worried about our red headed girlfriend. You do know she is going to talk to one of the doctors about your small fight.'**_

"She shouldn't be worried about me like that. Even my family aren't." Lightning said with a small frown as she started to walk towards the library so she could have some time to just sit in silence, bar for the voice making some sort of snide remark.

' _ **I know it is beyond a foreign concept to us. But people do normally care about their significant others.'**_ The voice started as Lightning just sighed as she started to walk up the stairs. _**'And for the record, despite what I've said in the past about your family, baring for your father, they do care about you. Just they show it in very ham fisted ways. Your sister showering you in hugs and money, and your mother... she was the only one of your parents that constantly respects your wishes. Any distance was just because you requested it.'**_

"My family cares about what I can do but seldom about me as a person." Lightning muttered as she had to resist the urge to just scream at the snicker.

' _ **And people claim Serah is the immature one. You need to listen to me Light, both do care about you. You just need to be accepting of the fact. There are lots of reasons they, and by they I mean your mother doesn't express it. Largely from her own repressed abuse from your Father. And I hate to be that person but chances are just about any type of abuse he could do to her he did with zero repercussions. And your kidnapping during the Purge just further his control over her.'**_

"Are you seriously comparing what we went through to what she might have?" Lightning hissed as she came to a stop as she took a deep breath.

"Who is comparing you to what?" Lightning heard causing her to jump slightly as she turned around to see the blonde doctor standing there. "I didn't intentionally sneak up on you, I was just coming up from Yuna inviting me to some tea but she had a guest so I'm going to wait." Rosa spoke as Lightning just took a deep breath.

' _ **I'm not. I'm saying you are being immature for thinking you are the only person that your father would send through hell.'**_

"Shut up" Lightning hissed as Rosa just sighed as she walked closer.

"Light... do you want to talk?" Rosa asked as the woman just sighed gently as she took a deep breath.

"It's fine." Lightning said as she started to slide against the wall.

"I don't think it is fine Lightning. I haven't seen you act like this in a long time. But you know I won't force you to speak about it unless you are at risk for yourself or another patient. My door is always open though and I do welcome you to come in and talk."

' _ **While we are on this slide, why don't you try and hit a few kids so they can pick up some speed.'**_

Clutching her head in her hands, Lightning took a deep breath. "Wait." Lightning barked out as Rosa stopped and turned around to press her lips into a thin line as she took a deep breath. "Would you consider me immature." Lightning asked as Rosa stared at her gently as she offered a hand to help the woman up.

"Depending on the context yes and no." Rosa said as she could see the question on Lightning's face. "On many many grounds you are wiser and more mature than people beyond my age. But in some tiny regards you aren't and it isn't so much your fault. Namely when it comes to relationships or and this is where I feel bad for you and anger towards your parents, empathy." Rosa spoke as Lightning stared at her. "Empathy is something in humans that is formed from a very young age. And it is always a tragedy when a human lacks it. But you always get it into your head and I know I and Yuna enforce it accidentally, you get it in your head that others who suffer shouldn't be allowed sympathy or even your empathy. But frankly if someone else went through what you did I'd be a lot more shocked that they are still alive."

' _ **Told you. You are immature.'**_

"Come on, I might not have Yuna's tea selection but Kain does owe me a few favours and he just got a smoothie machine. Let's talk over some of those instead in a stairwell."

"Okay."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

Placing the plastic cup down, Rosa just smiled as she took a seat across from Lightning as she could see the woman just staring at the purple coloured liquid. Just wondering why Rosa had selected that as she took a sip from the straw.

Smacking her lips as she pulled back, Rosa just took a deep breath. "It has been so long since I've had a blueberry and banana smoothie. But that isn't why we are sitting here. What do you want to talk about?" Rosa asked as Lightning just sighed.

She knew that she couldn't really avoid this conversation. No matter how much she wanted to.

She knew that her best option was just to be blunt. It had served her well in the past. Especially when it came to her family and she supposed her mother. "Would you consider my mother to be the victim of abuse at the hands of my father?"

Gasping a little at being clearly taken by surprise even if she didn't know what to expect, Rosa just lowered the smoothie as she took a deep breath. "Short answer, yes, I wouldn't be surprised if she was. Long answer... you need to remember there are a lot of different types of abuse. Including fearing that your husband would have your eldest killed. Your father was money hungry and would happily manipulate people's emotions and financially... both of which are very easy roads to fall down with what I've read and know of your family. So I wouldn't be surprised if she did suffer abuse at the hands of your father. I'd actually be surprised if she wasn't. I mean you've written in your diary several times that you've heard that in your parent's bedroom that your father wasn't very fond of listening to the word 'no' and instead would punch her and still take what he wanted."

' _ **I told you, Light. You know your father was an awful human. But you should know that you'd wrongfully think that you are the only person to suffer because of him.'**_

"Their suffering is nothing compared to mine." Lightning muttered as Rosa just just gently shook her head.

"You can't compare what is suffering when it comes to people, Lightning. It is an entirely objective measurement. Would I consider what you experienced to be suffering, yes. Would I consider if your mother was a victim of a lot of abuse at the hands of your father suffering, also yes. But, like you, she is developing the tools to mend that suffering. But you can't say that because you were in a worse state that she doesn't deserve to call what she experienced suffering. It is a dreadful part of reality, but it still is the thing." Rosa spoke softly as Lightning just began to take some deep breaths. "What sparked these thoughts if you don't mind me asking?" Rosa asked just wondering about how a normally sound minded person would start to break down over something as simple as a fact that Rosa is aware she understood.

"The voice... it just went on some tirade about how I should give my mother some extra breathing room because she probably repressed a lot. And it was comparing that to what I went through. And that is why she doesn't express herself nearly as much as she should." Lightning hissed as she moved the glass towards Rosa. "Why is everything coming up like this!?" Lightning said as she lowered her head to the table as she just took a deep breath. "It is harping on about me being afraid to be alone... that my mother's distance is from abuse... none of this is making sense to me. I've always been an island." Lightning hissed as she took another deep breath.

"Humans are a very social creature, Lightning. As for your mother... I don't know what to say. That is something that she would need to talk about in her own therapy and with you." Rosa said as she stood up and walked around the table to carefully rest a hand on Lightning's back giving it a gentle rub to soothe her anguish. "As for why all this is coming up... I can only think of one date that is coming up quickly that every year you've gone into a slump." Rosa continued as she could see Lightning tense up slightly from the contact as well as the comment.

The anniversary of when she was taken was coming up. Four days if she remembered right... which she always would about that date. So much pain and suffering were all caused on that one day. She doubted that those memories would ever fade. Despite how much she wanted them to.

"I know you often dislike looking back at that time but every year you've been here without fail you always enter this spiral where you try and push people away. As if you were preparing yourself mentally for being alone again. But you need to remember that we really really don't intend to leave you as long as you need us. And I don't think you could ever get Vanille to leave you. And I mean that in almost all senses of the word. Which is worrisome in many regards but it is something that stems from her own fear of being alone."

"I am an island. I've been alone for so much of my life that it would just be a hindrance if I wasn't."

"Even Islands can have more around them. And it is common enough to have its own word. Which if I was being honest seems a lot more apt in describing you. You can thrive by yourself but in times of need you need to remember you really aren't as alone as you feel. You've got your mother, your sister, your friends and even Vanille. They all would just want to help you when you need it. I know I just want to help you when you need it."

' _ **She is right Light. Everything will be fine. Your mother wouldn't leave you if she could. She is going to be all kinds of annoying in that regard, but as far as annoyances go it isn't nearly the worst that we've seen or even suffered. I mean yeah you once considered Vanille hugging and kissing you to be an annoyance but look at it now. You might enjoy your mother**_ _ **shining**_ _ **all that affection on you.'**_

"Shut up." Lightning hissed softly as she started to just take some deep breaths as she could feel Rosa just rubbing her back gently. "I'm fine... I think..." Lightning said in a soft tone as she just knew that that was all the touching her was about. If it was anything that was at the very least getting annoying right now and she knew that it probably shouldn't be if just because she knew that it was Rosa trying her best to help her through the confusion she was suffering.

"If you say so Lightning. But you do know that you can always come to me if you need to right?"

"Yeah... it is just... there are a lot of confusing things. And I know I do get stupidly emotional when it comes to the anniversary... but this is also the third year when I've been here and I can still feel it crushing and haunting me. And I don't think It will ever leave me."

"It won't. Our past never truly leaves us Lightning. We either grow up from the ashes that makes up our past or we continue the cycle. And if anything you've proven you won't continue the cycle and are simply just trying to rise from the ashes. And it is painfully clear to Yuna and myself that despite any set back, you can overcome anything. And I mean anything. I can't tell you how many women and men I've met that have suffered beatings or attempted murder or even rape and you've survived all of those fairly unscathed."

The silence that befell the duo was a little nerve racking for Rosa, but she also knew that it was a point she was going to need to stress for Lightning repeatedly. Especially if the last year was anything to go off of.

"Why does everyone say that? I'm beyond broken. Even Vanille thinks so to the point that she doesn't trust me that I wasn't going to self harm and is probably the person with Yuna telling her that much." Lightning muttered as Rosa just sighed slightly happily as she returned to her side of the table. Just happy that this might have played a slight role in her current distressed state. But she also did know that most things revolving around Lightning's emotions would send her into a spiral like that.

"You've to see this from Vanille's stance Lightning. She not only doesn't have anywhere near the same experiences you do, but she also can't tell a lot about you and it scares her because it reminds her of the last time she couldn't figure out people. Not to mention she has seen you self harming which was far far more violent and it isn't something many people have forgotten."

"I did that intentionally though. I know what my father can do when he wants to get revenge for something when he feels slighted against. If I didn't, I wouldn't have been in a position to protect everything, and even cause him to storm off to where he eventually died in potential agony due to him being furious he lost our disagreement with no chance to come out on the other end in a position of power and in fact once Yuna and Serah warned him he knew he couldn't even argue self defence if he undid the bindings because he knew I'd punch him and after he was warned there'd be no argument he could make."

"That doesn't make it better Lightning. If anything it makes it worse. Normal human reactions almost never desire people to harm themselves. It is actually so uncommon that just that one action would get people a stay in a mental hospital. Hell at the very least it would get you a psychiatrist on a near twenty four hour call. There was actual talk between me and Yuna if we should move you to the east building if just for long enough to repair the gaping holes in some of our systems that I didn't even know were a thing until that night." Rosa said as Lightning just sighed as she started to pull her knees up. "But what was going on that you think Vanille doesn't trust you? Because I just know that she trusts you to an extreme degree. To the point that I know Fang often questions her sanity just from the blind trust she has in you is leagues ahead of her."

She knew that the situation wasn't going to be very good, but she also knew that Rosa wasn't going to push so it forced her into a position where she knew that there would be no issues talking about it, but she also knew that it was going to come out eventually.

"I was just hitting my head against my wall lightly trying to think about what we talked about last night and jumped to thinking I was going to redo breaking my head open like an egg." Lightning said as she could see Rosa nodding her head. "And I know chances are she does have slight PTSD from that night as well... but still... she didn't accept that I wasn't going to harm myself and I know she is going to be talking to Yuna because she doesn't trust you that much and knows that Yuna will do pretty much the same thing you are right now with me or at the very least explain that I was right that it is a normal gesture."

"I agree it is a fairly normal gesture, but you do see it from Vanille's perspective right?"

"Yes... but I also have only injured my head once. She shouldn't jump to the assumption that I'd do it again."

"It is pretty much human nature to assume that someone will react the same way as you would, and she has a long history of self harm. Added on top of just seeing someone doing the action once... it is enough to traumatize her into thinking that and would rather be sure that she wouldn't be witnessing it twice."

"She still should have trusted me..."

"Would you have been honest with her if you were going to?"

"Yes..."

' _ **No. Don't lie about this Lightning. The doctor is just trying to help.'**_

"Shut up..."

* * *

Hearing the kettle being turned off once again, Vanille just frowned a little as she could see Yuna pouring it into the pot once again before she returned to facing Vanille. "Okay I might admit that I'm overreacting... but how am I not meant to? I can never get a read on Lightning. I doubt you can as well... and I get to see her so little between everything. Nothing in the old days like us just staring at the sky or playing ping pong. It is always her thinking, her teaching me, or stupid trustee stuff... and you and Rosa keep denying the joint room request."

"We reject those for all kinds of reasons Vanille. None of which are us trying to be malicious..." Yuna said as Vanille's face began to scrunch up as Yuna was about to explain what word she thought was what was tripping Vanille up. "It means cru-."

"I know what it means... I just can't figure out any other reason besides you both not wanting me to be with my girlfriend that you both are against... just like Fang. Who is a big dummy and thinks I only like Lightning because of her money and power." Vanille said as she pulled the pillow up to her chest so she could just take a deep breath.

"First things first, I don't think you are dating Lightning for her money or power. That is so far against your character. But we don't disagree with the relationship as a whole. We disagree with the timing." Yuna said as Vanille's face started to scrunch up further. "There is nothing wrong with a lesbian relationship. There is everything wrong with you both being in any relationship right now because while it can lead to a faster recovery by giving you both solid foundations... if you two were to ever break up that foundation in just about all relationships, that foundation is ripped out and you'll be right back here and we don't want that ever if we can help it."

"What if we never break up?"

"Then power to you both and I really do hope that is the case. But I also need to prepare for the possible outcome that you two do fall out. However, back to the room topic, while I doubt you both would do anything, you both are teenagers that constantly already have emotions and hormones running high. Which can lead to a lot of bad things. Especially with Lightning's tendency to regress randomly and being violent and I doubt you would stay in your own bed. Which no matter what happens to you, I know Lightning will unleash onto herself a thousand fold... it leads us to a bad situation."

Grumbling as she could see Yuna leaning forward to pluck the tea strainer out of the pot. "I hate it when you make sense like that... I just want to spend some time with my girlfriend... but you do make a very valid point about how if she did mini break down I'd be the one in danger and once she came to her senses she'd be a serious danger to herself. And I don't want to need to go to the hospital to visit her." Vanille mumbled as she accepted the cup and took a small sip. "And that is a proper cup of the tea." Vanille said as she leaned back a little.

"Good to know. But you see Vanille, we aren't refusing it because we want to cut your time with Lightning. We are really just looking at the big picture and unfortunately we do know about a lot of Lightning that you don't and we don't even know what can set her off. I mean remember when she broke Porom's arm a woman she largely felt nonplussed by? Imagine what she would do if she did something similar to you a woman she places in the same league as her sister if not in a higher place in her mind?"

"I don't want to think about that... and I know a lot about Lightning's past. She does talk to me about just about everything she talks to you two about... often as she is asking me to give her some of her hoodies back or if I could stop hugging her in front of other people." Vanille mumbled as Yuna just sighed gently, "Like I know she was raped... repeatedly... and literally not figuratively stabbed in the back... and that Kramer is a twin whose twin did awful things to her including greenbacking which I don't know anyone who would do that to horses let alone a human and that is why she is always so skittish around him because she can only see his brother's face..." Vanille said as Yuna just took another deep breath.

"I didn't even know what it was if I was being honest with you until Lightning. But you do understand that all those are some very tragic things and the fact that Lightning does have a history of randomly regressing and becoming violent at points when a sort of miasma sets in."

"It is a horrible practice that we never even got close to doing in Oerba even when the animals were super wild and aggressive. But what am I meant to do when I want to spend more time with Lightning?"

"You've got to talk to her about that Vanille."

"I hate it when you make sense like this... making my paranoia seem like it is just that and there is an easy solution."

"And I hate making you feel that Vanille. You know though you can always come to me though."

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not get a chapter out for a while because of life but February I'll definitely start having some more.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To paraphrase a Mr. Marshall Mathers, 'guess who's back, back again. tell a friend'... someone should really make that into a song... but not in the current year... in like 2002...

Chapter 17:

Sitting down, Mary just smiled faintly as she looked towards the doors that she knew in a matter of minutes she would be able to see her eldest soon. She just knew that it was going to be a hard thing for her. It always was after all. It was some of the toughest if most enjoyable conversations she ever has had.

The only issue she could ever see was if Lightning was having a bad series of days. She never knew when that was going to be the case. And after Serah's recent visit she knew that it could be ended if someone just triggered a bad memory of hers.

That thought was almost tragic to her because of how much she enjoyed spending these times. The only upside was that she could wait another day or two to come back and have a conversation with Lightning.

Seeing the door open, Mary let out a small sigh as she could see Lightning walking into the room. Just standing up to welcome the slightly surprising quick hug coming from her. It was a surprise if just because they almost always greeted each other with a simple handshake as the most intimate thing they do until the end.

"I'm sorry... just a lot of things." Lightning muttered apologetically as she felt the hands being placed gingerly on her back. It actually felt a little relaxing to her. Just knowing that it was her mother that was causing it was still a confusing thing but she was just happy that she had it.

"It's okay. I actually enjoy it." Mary said softly as she just enjoyed Lightning hugging her tighter. "I don't think you've hugged me like this since you were a little little girl. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it." Mary said as she gently started to sway as Lightning just took a deep breath. "What has you hurting so much?"

Pulling back a little to just stare at her, Lightning could see her mother just smiling a little at her. "I might not know a lot of what you went through or even what you are currently going through. But I could always tell when you are in pain or just normal discomfort from being in a situation." Mary said with a smile as she could see Lightning just sighing gently as she gestured over to the table.

"It is complicated... but Rosa and Yuna both think it is just my mind taking the normal hit it does around the anniversary and this year is just being particularly brutal because it is the first year ever that I have almost all my memories... and friends that actually care about me and not just me being a Farron." Lightning said as she took a seat as Mary just smiled faintly as she resumed her own seat as she picked up the paper plate filled with all the goodies she knew Lightning was going to enjoy as it was also one of her favourites.

Accepting the treats as she started to undo the wrapping, Lightning just sighed as she continued her point. "And Rosa specifically has mentioned that she thinks the internal contradiction is actually what is causing it to be really bad because I'm so used to people just wanting to be friends with me for the fact that I'm a Farron that I'm shoving the likes of Vanille away and it isn't something I can confide in her because she is in many regards like Serah and pretty innocent when it comes to the world or people. I mean she didn't even know about the Farrons until long after we met."

Gently taking one of the treats, Lightning just sighed softly as she raised it up to nibble it slightly. "And nothing against you... but you didn't really help when I came back... and I do know that it was also partially my fault as well. But... I'm just used to people leaving me. And Father taught me to be an island and all these people now seemingly being concerned about me..."

Gently raising a hand before she caught it mentally. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like that... but you do know that I do love you deeply." Mary said with a soft tone as she could see Lightning looking at her shocked.

"I do... now..." Lightning said softly as she just sighed as she could see her mother looking at her a little saddened. "It isn't that I never thought you didn't love me. I just never felt it in a situation where I remembered it until recently. It always just felt like you did nothing if Father didn't want it and we both know his hatred of me was a very real thing that he didn't hide. If he couldn't advance himself further he'd rather I was still in the basement and just eventually do something to warrant him to be able to have me lobotomized. Which wouldn't have been a very long." Lightning said as she could see Mary just sighing. "And I know that is partially my fault as well. Because I didn't extend myself and I did close in on myself. But all of that is changing and for the better... I even have most of my memories back."

"I don't think he would do that... but I also didn't think that he would have kept those videos." Mary said as she just knew that Lightning was going to be able to read into that but she also knew that there was going to be all kinds of strain on the situation. But she also didn't really know what her late husband would do when it came to Lightning.

"I've no doubt he would. He was a true sadist. But I've only tiny portions still blocked out. But it is parts that every part of my brain doesn't want me to remember. And the more I learn about those times the more I agree..."

"That... um... I'm sorry Claire, I don't know how to respond to that besides just wanting to hug you. But I know I can't just hug you." Mary said softly as she took a deep breath as Lightning just smiled and placed her hands into her mother's.

"Just knowing you are here does a lot for me Mom." Lightning said as she lowered her head gently. "Doesn't make all these confusing thoughts better..." She continued as she could feel her mother just gently rubbing her thumbs over Lightning's scared knuckles.

She was curious as to what her eldest meant but she also didn't want to know for fear that it would be something that she could never unhear. Like she was thinking about getting out ahead of what the doctors suggest. And just the thought of knowing that Serah might take Lightning up on that knowing that if Lightning wanted to do something that Serah hated doing she would happily give it to her and the only way for that to come was if Lightning was out. And if both of her daughters wanted something like that she knew that she would not have it in her to step in their way.

Only solace was that Serah also put Lightning's health well above everything else. Even her own. If just because of the well known not so secret of Lightning disregarding her own health. She still remembered her fourth birthday when they had to rush Lightning to a hospital for appendicitis that she refused to talk about until it had already burst and she had forgone eating for a day and a half. Mary was still happy that her nanny noticed some of the symptoms. Even if it meant that Mary had to prevent going to visit her own daughter in the hospital as to not have to explain to Lightning why she had a black eye and bandages wrapped around her arm to cover up the burns because he demanded they take Lightning to the hospital to get treatment.

"Rosa and the Voice both say it is because I fear being alone but it doesn't give me that same utter feeling that I get when I'm on a train... or in really cramped spaces. And it is just confusing. I'm used to being alone... I thrive off of it and want it most of the time."

"Fear is a very complex feeling Claire. Like all emotions. It doesn't need to be a gut wrenching phobia. I know when it comes to you I have a lot of fears. Mostly if you'll ever be alright. But that has been tinged constantly with worry." Mary said softly as Lightning just sighed softly as she looked up and just smiled faintly at her.

"You shouldn't worry about me Mom. I'm going to get through this. A Farron can never fail right?" Lightning said with a small smile that to Mary she could tell that it was genuine. A sight she had been glad that she could see more and more often the longer and longer Lightning had been there.

It was a simple joy but she was still happy that it was something that was a clear sign to her that the doctors have been doing a great job at returning Lightning to the smiling woman she once dreamed she would become before all her troubles started.

"You're right, but a mother will always worry about their children... especially one with as turbulent of a past as yours... I mean I still have constant fears whenever I hear the phone ring that it might be here and it might be the doctors saying that you seriously harmed someone else or worse... yourself."

"Rosa and Yuna tend to catch me now before I harm myself. And when it is others recently at least it has been orderlies and that prince... speaking of which is Serah still peeved about him? I mean if what I've been told by one of his friends that knew him after and was just temporarily working here... I did know him and just haven't seen him in a long long time."

"She is still very very mad. Mostly because when you are around she no longer has the stresses of her everyday life as the current if temporary head. It was her reward for herself for not snapping under the strain because I'm pretty sure she is the youngest head ever." Mary started as she just smiled faintly at Lightning who was looking lost. "And you did know him. He was a very very close friend of yours. And for a while your father's favourite Prince to wed you off to. If just because he liked the scenery around the capital. Mostly because he wasn't keen on looking for others and was actually debating a war if another kingdom offered their daughter's hand in marriage to you. If just because it reminded him you weren't born a male..." Mary said softly as Lightning froze entirely as she just took a deep breath as she started to pray that her mother didn't notice.

"What would you have said if he accepted one of the princesses?" Lightning asked if just hoping that this would at least help her in some regard.

"I always said that if you were happy I'd be happy. We don't live in the stone age anymore. If you want to continue the line, there are dozens of ways for that to happen. If it was just the name, almost everyone would happily take the name of a Farron. Why ask?" Mary asked as Lightning just sighed gently.

"No reason. Just I feel like we were sitting in my past too long and I know it is an uncomfortable topic for you. I couldn't think of something to change it to."

' _ **Light, you are such a liar... I'll be honest. I didn't peg that to be her response. I imagine it to be a lot more fire and brimstone.'**_

"Speaking as a former princess though, I wouldn't want you to be married to one. You would run them ragged with worry and how you have little care to what a woman is meant to do in a refreshing way compared to your family. I imagine a farmer would be what you would need in a wife. Someone... a lot like Vanille. Just not Vanille."

"What is wrong with Vanille?" Lightning interjected quickly. Far too quick that she knew it did raise some flags in her mother's mind but she also knew that it wouldn't be enough for her mother to act on them.

"Nothing. At least nothing major. I'm sure she is a wonderful friend." Mary began as Lightning removed her hand from her mother's as she reached under the table to just tense her knuckles as to dig her fingernails into the palms of her hands. She couldn't be as quick to respond otherwise she might drive her mother to the correct solution. "It is just, she might be here who knows how long? And while, and I mean no offence to you or even her... both of you have points where you can be mentally unstable. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. I feel like you'd need someone like Vanille just is also sound mentally." Mary continued as Lightning just sighed gently as she relaxed her hand to take a breather.

"Vanille is far from mentally unstable. Everything she does is calculated. The only time she is close to breaking down is when someone forces her to look at human nature. But she is getting better at that." Lightning said as she freed her other hand to get another baked treat as to not look fishy as to why she removed her hands from her mother's. "By all respects Vanille should be out of here, but breaks just enough rules to be deemed enough to stay here just because she doesn't want to abandon me."

"That's rather foolish of her. You can make more friends."

"Everyone is in agreement up until the whole me being able to make friends. The only ones I have are because Vanille doesn't accept that I don't need many friends or people around. It is a paradox to her."

"In her defence Claire, it is a paradox to me as well. You used to be so good at making friends. But a lot has changed I suppose."

"Being locked in a dog crate and brutally tortured and raped from the age of five tends to make you not keen on touchy feely things. Like being around people or even the cabal of fake friends I had for the longest time." Lightning said with a slight joking tone as she could see her mother just glaring lightly at her as she laughed. "You need to relax Mom. Most people would find it a good thing that I can at least joke about the likes of that now."

"I just don't like being reminded of how bad of a mother I was... I could have stood up to him back then." Mary said as Lightning just shook her head gently as she tossed the last of the treat into her mouth as she reached up and just grabbed her hands in one of her own.

"He would have made you suffer more. We both know Father doesn't care about what others said or did. He wanted me dead and he would go to any lengths to get that. At least any lengths that still allows him to keep his hands clean. He would have just added you to the list and then who would have protected Serah or worse shielded her from what it would have been like without me eventually going to take control or have you to try and reason to her to keep her grounded?"

"I don't want to imagine that. Because I know he could have twisted her world view. And make another version of him." Mary said as Lightning just chuckled and nodded her head. "Let's change the topic. We both are going to get upset over it and I already know when you get out you are probably going to deface his spot in the mausoleum."

Rolling her eyes a little Lightning just smiled faintly as she reached across her body with her free hand to pick up some more food. "I wouldn't deface his spot... maybe just laugh might want to check on me after a few minutes because I will be laughing too hard to not breathe and we both know that it will be well deserved."

"If everybody gave your father what he deserved then the place your family has rested for a millennia would be defaced in a matter of minutes."

Laughing softly at the idea Lightning swung her head backwards as she just took a deep breath. "Yeah that is a genius way to further the Farron fortune. Hell I'm sure Celes would love to take a few cracks at his body. By the way she is teaching music here." Lightning said happily as she could see her mother picking up at the mention of that. "I haven't decided if I wanted to sing again yet... she wants me to... but I'm not sure."

"I would love to hear your voice again doing that one activity but I would also understand it if you said that you didn't want to. Even if you still have never told me as to why you quit in the first place."

"The two reasons aren't the same. I quit the first time because I was getting super depressed I was doing it to try and get Father's love after Serah was born and I knew he enjoyed opera... and once he realised I was good he tried to market it. This time... I just don't think I have it in me." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath and added under her breath 'to disappoint you.' if just so she can say that she never lied to her mother.

"That is one thing I'm glad you and Serah didn't inherit from him. A thrive to further your family's already obscene wealth. It is just happening accidentally with Serah." Mary said as Lightning just smiled at her.

"That sounds about right. Grandfather always said that for us to get money it is like caring for a duckling. If you actively pursue it with a lustful desire, it will avoid you. But if you don't try to get it, it will come."

' _ **I don't doubt in the slightest your Father trying to fuck a duck.'**_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

Sitting down, Vanille just smiled faintly as she opened the new book and placed her finger down to run it along the line as she mouthed the words. She knew that chances were she was mispronouncing them, but she also knew that Lightning when she inevitably found her would be happy that Vanille was at least trying.

"What are you doing?" Vanille heard her once close friend ask, causing her to look up and just frown at the sight of the silver hair boy.

She knew that he was going to just try and demean her if not just mock her for the basic skill that she had missed out on learning when she was much younger. At least that is the way it had been going the last few days but she didn't overly care. She knew that he was still mad that Vanille was close friends with Lightning and Lightning had been fine being where she was so he was just lashing out at everyone.

"Reading. A lot has changed since you left originally Hope. I can actually read a little now. And have been getting better at it." Vanille said happily as she could see the man sitting down with a small smile. "I'm just not nearly as confident in my writing abilities as I am at reading. Lightning has done a lot for me. And not to mention she is still extremely nice that you never gave a proper chance the second there was a rumour that she maliciously attacked several dozen orderlies. And you didn't even think to ask the doctors if that was true." Vanille said defiantly as Hope just seemed to glare gently at her.

"We used to be such close friends. And it is all her fault that we aren't any more." Hope spat as Vanille just sighed softly as she stood up and picked up the book she had the silver haired boy's arrival.

"It wasn't her fault Hope. It was yours and your paranoia that we would have been in danger. Lightning is a very open person that honestly doesn't mind even talking you've just got to be up front with her and ask. Instead you've slunked around and stole from her to try and smeer her name to her doctors. Ironically doing what you've told me your step mother has done to you. But you don't see that and I don't think you ever will... which is a little sad to me.. I'm still in this building by choice... and you thought you were getting out but that same prejudice you have against women who can literally and in some cases metaphorically kick your ass."

"And you are just too trusting Vanille. One of these days you'll see that I'm right and that she actually does mean people harm."

"No one alive has that distinction where she wouldn't unleash her anger ten fold towards herself once she cools down. That is something even the doctors understand and even need to take extreme precautions to make sure she doesn't harm or worse kill herself. And you'd know that if you actually talked to her instead you are going to live in hate, and I don't want any part of that so I'm going to go and enjoy my book elsewhere." Vanille said in a huff as she started to walk away from the table. She just knew that it was going to be tough to explain this to anyone if it came out, especially to the doctors but she couldn't seem to bring herself to care about how hurtful she had to have sounded to her once close friend.

She knew that sometimes the truth was going to hurt. She had learned that when she confessed so many things to Fang. She simply wished that there was a way for the truth to come out that didn't make her feel so bad about saying anything.

She also just knew that she was probably going to need to explain this interaction towards Rosa and or Yuna at the very least. But she didn't care. She couldn't let someone bad mouth Lightning even though she also knew that Lightning wasn't going to care if Vanille told her of this. But it still made her feel so much better about everything.

Placing the book down for the librarian to check it out for her, Vanille just smiled as she glanced over to see Lann walking into the room looking slightly confused and lost. "I'll be back in a minute..." Vanille said with her lips pressed into a thin line and walked over towards the teen.

"Hey Lann... is everything alright?" Vanille asked softly as she started to walk towards him. She was actually feeling all kinds of unsure about the expression just lost right now.

"I'm just lost... and not going to lie, I think I'm getting too used to my medication because I'm starting to hallucinate again. That silver hair boy is back." Lann said as he pointed in a direction causing Vanille to spin around and just stare in the direction.

"Do you mean Hope? Because he is real... and if it isn't... you really really need to talk to one of the doctors. Preferably one of the ones that know your case but that isn't really necessary. Just one you trust."

"You see him too?" Lann said as Vanille just glanced at him carefully as he stared unbreakingly at him. "Something about him seems so fake... just like Tama..." Lann said as he could just feel Vanille staring at him but he couldn't take his gaze off of the teen. "I just need to prove it..."

"Lann, you aren't going to do anything are you? I'm required to ask because Hope is very real. You met him. I introduced you and him on your first day in this building. Like I can't stress this enough. He is very real and if you are thinking otherwise I need to report you and you need to talk about this with one of the doctors."

"I wouldn't... not yet..." Lann said calmly as Vanille carefully walked over towards him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Lann... let's go see Aerith. She is your doctor in this building isn't she?" Vanille asked calmly as she could see the teen shaking his head gently as if to just break the almost hypnotic gaze Hope had on him.

"Hmm... yeah. Why?" Lann asked as he tilted his head to the side as Vanille just smiled a reassuring smile at him. One that she knew worked almost all the time. And like always it had the desired effect.

"I've some things I need to talk to her about and I think that you might benefit from talking to her as well. If not, you can keep me company. Why? Do you not want to keep a friend company?" Vanille asked as Lann just sighed gently.

"Nah, I will. It just seems like an odd thing. I didn't even know that you knew Doctor Gainsborogh." Lann said as he could just see Vanille just smiled brighter at him.

"I've been here for so long, I'm pretty sure I've gone through every doctor at least six times. So it is safe to say that all the doctors know about me and my case, but realistically only a few I trust enough to talk to. And Aerith is one of those."

"You promise it won't be what we talked about here? I'm not that crazy..." Lann asked in a soft tone just hoping that there wouldn't be something big that would get him sent back to the other building as Vanille just continued to smile at him disarming him entirely.

"If you knew me you'd realise that would be laughable. I hate the doctors as is. But if it reassures you a bit more, I promise I won't tell her about what was said here." Vanille said with a small smile as she accepted the gesture from the teen to lead the way.

Just following into a decent pace between them, Vanille glanced over towards him as she just frowned internally at the sight of him constantly looking over his shoulder. It was a thing Vanille knew people always did when they were leaving somewhere they feel like they shouldn't be for one reason or another and Vanille knew this one was just Lann thinking that Hope wasn't real and was going to be another thing that might harm him in some way and no one was going to believe him.

The only difference from when Vanille had seen it in the past was that it was founded and this time she just knew that the wrong person was looking to protect himself. She knew that if she didn't inform the right people then Hope really will be in danger and it wouldn't be from Lightning. It will be from one of the people he would actually trust long before Lightning.

Glancing over Vanille just frowned as she could hear the teen mutering a simple if slightly heartbreaking statement. "Shut up Tama... you're not real. I don't want to harm anyone."

She didn't know what it was like to hear or in Lann and Reynn's case see as well, but she knew with the way Lightning described it it was a tough thing to constantly overcome. And she was still having serious doubts on if she was sliding backwards or not. But she had to trust Yuna who was a lot more familiar with Lightning that everything was fine. Even if it was going against her instincts.

"Lann, trust me. Nothing good will come out of talking to yourself. I might not tell Aerith but that doesn't mean another person won't keep it quiet. I know of five other trustees in this building that aren't nearly as cool as me. They would tell." Vanille said with a small smile as she could see Lann starting to tense up. "Don't get me wrong that doesn't mean if you are feeling like something is wrong you should still talk to one of the doctors."

"What would they say to me then? Knowing that I'm talking to myself and seeing the stupid fox again..." Lann asked as Vanille just smiled at him.

"According to Lightning they just ask if there is a deeper meaning because normally if they find a medication that works and it stops there is a reason and it most of the time is something going screwy with your head. Like the situation is new and putting you under stress or a specific anni.. vers... ary..." Vanille began as she just sighed as the realisation started to dawn on her. Lightning was like this last year as well. And in one of the few letters Vanille had received since she became a patient, according to Serah she always got like this. ' _Crapbaskets... I'm a bad girlfriend. How can I forget that was coming up... don't even know what it is an anniversary for... just that it hurts Lightning. But it does explain why Yuna was so relaxed about it._ '

"I don't think that is the issue here..." Lann said as he just took a shaky breath just wrapping his arms around himself. "Normally I don't hallucinate people... it is typically Tama. Who has been dancing around you asking for me to just trip you."

"Yeah that would end badly for you. And not even from me... Lightning would actually go swinging at you and she would send you to the hospital with ease. And wouldn't feel very sorry about it. Which would be the first time she attacked someone that she remembers and wouldn't feel bad." Vanille said as she could see the man just looking at her with confusion. "She has very few friends and I'm one of them and if harm happens to one of those friends she'd actually retaliate."

"Okay... good to know..."

"She considers you and your sister a friend as well. Just that is something that can change if you harm another one of her friends. I'm just very anti violence unless it is literally the only way for you to survive. And it seldom gets to that point. Including with wild animals." Vanille said as she started to walk up towards the door to Aerith's office.

As she knocked on the door she just smiled as she could hear an almost sing-song voice of 'come in.'

"Just wait out here Lann, I promise I won't be long then we can go back to the library and you can teach me another fun card game." Vanille said with a brighter smile as she opened the door and walked in. Just knowing that she was going to be relying on Aerith having a good lie to tell him, but she couldn't stand the thought of Hope being harmed outside of him doing something stupid he knows on all levels he shouldn't.

Closing the door Vanille walked up to the desk as she could see the brunette looking up with a look of shock on her face. "I don't think we'd be seeing each other outside of the group today Vanille... did I get my days of the week confused again?" Aerith asked as Vanille just smiled and chuckled.

"No, it is meant to be group only. It is just I was in the library and ran into Lann..."

"I can't tell you about his case Vanile. You should know that better than anyone."Aerith said as she dropped her pen and stared at the red head.

"No no. I know that. It is about him... and I fear he might hurt another patient. Specifically Hope." Vanille said as Aerith began to sit up at attention at the comment. "He is convinced Hope was a hallucination and I tried to convince him that Hope is real but he isn't convinced and actually took me lying to Lann to even get him to come with me and that is because I'm positive he would have harmed Hope and while me and Hope have spent a lot of time arguing with each other he is still a friend and I don't want him to be hurt." Vanille said as Aerith just nodded her head. "I've also gathered Lann is starting to see things again and if I'm being honest with you I don't think he has taken his meds... but he thinks I'm in here talking about me because I realistically only trust you, and Yuna with a lot of things and Rosa with the bear minimum so please don't tell him you found out because of me."

"I won't tell him don't worry. As for if he is taking his medication, once again you should know better than anyone else, we can't force him. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll let Rosa know about the danger to Hope with some information I can provide." Aerith said as she stood up and gestured for Vanille to follow her. "I know it is hard for you, but please put this out of your mind the best you can. I promise nothing good will come from this."

"I'm just worried." Vanille said as the doctor started to open the door.

"I promise you Vanille, if something happens to _Fang_ that _we_ can tell you, we will. But you need to put it out of your mind." Aerith said as Vanille just smiled at the comment as she knew that it meant that she was going to keep what Vanille had told her secret. "Oh Lann, you're here. It is a bit early for our talk, but would you like to? I don't mind starting early. I was just doing some paperwork that can wait and it was the only thing before our chat." Aerith said as Lann shot Vanille a look.

"You didn't tell her did you?" Lann spat as Vanille looked deeply offended at him.

"Vanille, were you meant to tell me something about Lann?" Aerith asked as Vanille quickly looked at her.

"No. Trustee or not I don't snitch on anyone bar for Lightning. And that is because she can and has seriously injured herself and refuses to talk about it to anyone." Vanille began as she turned to the teen. "And frankly I'm hurt you would think I'd go back on my word Lann. I promised you I wouldn't. And now that you mentioned that in front of Aerith she is going to tell Rosa and get me in trouble and now you are going to need to tell her." Vanille said as Lann just began to mumble as he crossed his arms.

"He can't be real... And I took my meds. Tama even said he wasn't." Lann said crossing his arms in protest as Aerith just smiled a concerned smile at him as he sighed. "Guess I can't teach you a new card game..."

"That's fine... I need to go pester Lightning for a bit. Some things clicked and I'm feeling like a bad friend."

"Take a seat Lann. Vanille I'll see you at two for group." Aerith said as Vanille just nodded her head as she began to skip down the hallway.

She was actually glad that Aerith had maintained the ruse and Lann had spilled the beans himself. It was actually something that was relaxing to her because it meant that it was a weight off her chest and conscience. It was the worst part Vanille found about being the trustee. She would need to turn people in for things like that but it still never sat right with her. Even if it was to protect a really close friend. She was still betraying another person's trust in her.

And she knew personally how that felt to be on the other end. Even if she supposed Fang was right to betray her trust and send her here. The only pro she had found to it recently however was that she got to meet her girlfriend who she was feeling terrible for forgetting something as important as an anniversary for when she was taken from her family and brutally tortured for years in ways worse than what the people of Oerba would do to animal abusers.

' _I just hope I didn't hurt Lightning too bad... I'm the worst girlfriend ever. She needs all kinds of hugs now.'_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Standing with her head resting against the wall as she just wanted to wait for the final thing she had to do for the day to start so it would quickly be over. She just wanted to get back to her room so she can do the suddenly normal routine of sitting down in her room praying that Vanille wouldn't find her. She had no idea why the woman had become so clingy recently.

Staring at Yuna's door harder she was just trying to will it to open sooner. She was starting to feel the time was dragging on as some cruel practical joke being played on her by some cruel god. Something that was amplified as she could see the handle being held down for a while meaning that Yuna had been on the other side, and she knew that the light on the other side was going to be on just because she had known well from being on the other side.

Seeing the door open Lightning just let out a sigh as she could see Yuna starting to walk out before she felt her breath catch in her throat as she felt the familiar arms quickly wrapping around her as she lunged forward from the person jumping into her and pulling her into a hug.

She could feel her breath catching once more as she could see Yuna looking incredibly worried as Lightning just started to take some panicked breaths.

"Vanille! You know my rule! No surprise hugs!" Lightning yelled as she could feel her blood starting to boil as she tried to calm down as she could see Yuna walking over carefully.

Pressing her face into Lightning's back, Vanille just began to shake her head in protest. "I've been a bad girlfriend." Vanille spoke softly so softly that Lightning had to strain her hearing to even come close to what Vanille had said. The only reason she could tell realistically was because Vanille was talking directly into her back. All the while still shaking her head as Lightning started to claw at the arms to get them out from around her midsection. She could feel her breath starting to come in short.

"Vanille. No surprise hugs." Lightning said in a much softer tone. Not from fearing that something would come out, more so because she could feel a panic attack starting to come on and she knew that if Vanille thought she caused it she would harm Vanille deeply. And even as hurt as she was, she couldn't bring herself to actually harm Vanille right now.

"Vanille... you need to let go of the hug. You know Lightning is uncomfortable with this." Yuna said sternly as she could read on Lightning's face that she was very close to breaking down and potentially worse lashing out at Vanille which she didn't want to imagine what she would do to herself then. She just knew that it would result in them needing to tear out and redo the solitary rooms. Even if the ones that they put Lightning in were almost entirely padded, she had no doubt in her mind that Lightning would find the one lone thread that was overlooked that would lead to her harming herself into another long hospital stint.

"I've been a bad girlfriend." Vanille said as Lightning began to take some deeper breaths to try and regulate her breathing to just stave off the panic attack.

She knew that it was failing just because her arms were starting to flail as Yuna finally started to pry the arms off of her. As she could feel the arm being pulled off, Lightning could feel herself just starting to relax as Yuna carefully manipulated her and Lightning's position to just take the hug herself. Quickly running towards the door, Lightning took a deep breath as she could just hear Yuna gently talking to Vanille as she Lightning just took another deep breath as she took a seat she just hope that Yuna could get Vanille to see reason or at least give her time to calm down before they started to talk.

She wasn't sure how long she had been staring at the wall as she tried to fix her breathing to just stop her nerves in their tracks, but she could see Yuna closing the door and walking over quickly to her tea selection and changing one of the cups contents. Before she poured some more water into it before she spun around and walked over towards Lightning.

Gently taking one of Lightning's hands as she placed the cup into the other one, Yuna just sat down on the small table as she smiled at the woman. "Drink up Lightning. It is kava tea. It helps with panic attacks and anxiety." Yuna said softly as Lightning took a drink before contorting her face. "Yeah... sorry I should have mentioned it literally translates to 'bitter' by the cultures that cultivate it. But it does work." Yuna said as she could Lightning just taking another drink.

Lightning was glad that Yuna seemed to have gathered that she wasn't in the mood to talk about it at the moment as she walked over and started to make her own cup of tea as Lightning just tried to ignore the taste that seemed to linger but if she was being honest she could feel it working. Or at least she thought that she could feel it working. It was either from the time being out of the surprise hug or the tea.

Taking a third sip knowing that it was going to be much larger because she just didn't want to drink more than she had to of this tea. It was just the worst tasting thin Lightning had ever tasted. At least that she remembered. Seeing Yuna taking her seat with her own cup of some different tea... at least that she hoped.

Seeing Yuna's face contort told her different, causing Lightning to just laugh softly. "Yeah even if I grew up with it, it still gets me."

Yuna just smiled however as she lowered it and seemed to be taking a different approach to the one Lightning had been when it came to the tea. Sensing the question coming from Lightning, Yuna just beat her to it. "I might not enjoy the first mouthful, but after that I do really enjoy it. There are a lot of fond memories of drinking it with who might as well be my older sister who is also a doctor for the institute drinking it when one of us could feel anxiety coming on. And we'd both drink the tea together." Yuna explained as Lightning just lowered the mug from her lips to stop her from drinking another large mouthful.

"What is with Pulseans always having women who might as well be older sisters but aren't? Did she also adopt you?" Lightning asked with slight venom that Yuna just laughed off clearly getting that Lightning wasn't targeting her with it just it was her emotions lashing out in general.

"It is a lot more than a Gran Pulse thing. But Lulu is a lot more complicated than what Fang and Vanille have, really she was just a close friend of mine since we were really young. Like we were toilet trained together. I was even her Maid and then Matron of honour for both of her weddings and consoled her when her first husband died. And just about everything we've done, we've done together through sheer luck. Including getting jobs here. Although she is in the north building."

"I wouldn't know what that is like..." Lightning muttered as she just took a deep breath. "Can't even have my girlfriend hug me by a surprise without breaking down." Lightning continued as Yuna just frowned a little.

"If I was being honest with you Lightning, frankly I'm surprised you handled that as well as you did. Normally you'd break some bones and go back to some bad times mentally." Yuna said as Lightning just looked at her with slight confusion. "I know you wouldn't intentionally harm Vanille like that. But sometimes your instincts take over before your mind. And I'm actually really really happy you didn't harm Vanille. For all kinds of reasons."

"She is literally the only person ever to surprise hug me besides Serah... And Serah at least has learned rather recently that I really do need to be aware of the hug beforehand to even return the hug let alone not break down." Lightning said as Yuna just nodded her head. "And I know that you and Rosa would happily do it if you could... but I still really really don't like hugs." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath. She knew that she was in the minority in that regard, but that didn't change the fact that she still didn't like it.

"I can see why that would limit the chances of who is the one to surprise hug you... but it is still nice to see without us needing to gut an entire floor to make sure that no one no matter what can't harm themselves after you find the one tiny insignificant thing that could cause serious harm to someone once they forgo the usual mental measures of not wanting to hurt themselves too bad."

"Aren't a bunch of people in here prone to self harm?"

"There is a very large line when you know the difference between someone cutting or burning and someone trying to break their head open against safety glass. Self harm is a call for help and often their brain mishandling the chemical exchange and then trying to right it without talking about it. Which is not how you handle that. But the other thing is an attempted suicide method that you don't even see in war zones from those truly desperate to end it all."

"That is because biting your tongue off is a lot easier and fairly safer. You just really need a sharp hit to the back of the head because like most things the body doesn't want you to bleed to death especially from your own teeth." Lightning said as Yuna just sighed and gestured towards her as if proving a point without even trying it. "I wouldn't want to go that way if I had to go. If I had to go I'd probably go by a knife between the third and fourth rib in a downward fashion on the left side. Hard to repair in time and a quick fairly painless death."

"And it is alarming that you've given this thought." Yuna began as she just sighed and raised the mug to take another sip as Lightning did the same. "But I suppose given everything you planning for that is also not surprising. If anything it would be more surprising if you didn't think of that being an eventuality. Especially with your time with Dysely which I imagine is what led to your choice in method."

' _ **Not entirely wrong... but let's be honest, spite would have kept you alive long enough for them to treat you and once they thought they saved you you'd slip away. And then just laugh and laugh as you high fived Death and then bitched about how long it took for him to get you.'**_

Snickering softly Lightning just smiled as she leaned back as Yuna looked like she was waiting for an explanation. "It was just saying how out of spite in those days I would have done that method and stayed alive long enough to give them false hope that I wasn't already gone and then high fived Death and complained how long it took him."

Shuddering a little, Yuna just took a deep breath. "I wouldn't blame you either. On any of those fronts. And I know it would be selfish but I feel like I had missed so much from just not getting to meet you. Because I do deeply enjoy your company."

"And I enjoy yours... even if it occasionally is punctuated with hugs."

"I keep telling you hugs aren't bad Lightning." Yuna said with a laugh as Lightning just glanced at her. "Point taken. But I'm surprised that you are able to handle Kava, I wouldn't have pegged you for someone who can handle enjoying sharp tasting teas. You seem like you'd enjoy a lot more subtle but adult flavours."

"No flavours are more adult than bitter because most natural poisons are bitter in taste. Children shy away from those flavour profiles just because of that on an instinctual level. It is a pretty interesting field of study." Lightning muttered softly as she could see Yuna sighing softly. "I know. It is worrisome that I've given that thought. But it is something my family is meant to know ever since my like fifty times great grandfather was almost poisoned. Potato root if memory serves me. You don't want to know what he did to the culprit. It was before the time of a lot of decency practices. It was a long long time before even the rise of Cocoon. And my family was still very much touchable."

"I gathered as much with the mention of fifty times great grandfather. But I didn't even know potatoes were poisonous. Why do we eat them?"

"Vanille is infinitely more qualified to talk about that. Or anyone who knows plants. But I do know that they were still very much deadly and still are. We just eat the only safe part. And pretty sure my family created a monopoly on them... like everything. Just it was the first time we perfected the mask of a proper monopsony."

"I'm sorry a what?"

"Monopsony. Basically the polar opposite of a monopoly. A monopoly is one supplier which dictates everything to the buyer. A Monopsony is one buyer which dictates everything to the suppliers. Which is really how my family got so powerful. We made everyone believe they had the power and choice. In reality no matter how you split it, you'd still be dependent on my family. And that only took four generations to cement it as a fact that could be revealed to select members of the public. A few more generations and it was something that we didn't care about if the public knew. Fast forward twenty generations and we really didn't care. We already had kingdoms in our pockets and the emerging democracies were dependent on us to stay afloat long enough to earn money which we are still seeing money from. Hell the islands of Kilika are still paying my family for reclaiming land for a temple or another from the sea."

"Are you sure that was the Farrons? I spent some time in the temple in my youth and I don't think many people in that village even knew the Farrons existed." Yuna explained as she could see Lightning just smiling at her as she downed what remained in her mug.

"I'm very sure. I had to remember all the major 'high risk' debts that are owed to my family. At least what my family regarded as high risk. Which included the debt of many towns... and four companies. Only one has failed to pay back and that is because they went belly up twenty five years ago. It was in some remote town with hundreds of other Bazaars." Lightning said as she could see Yuna just nodding her head. "But I suppose you would rather not talk about finances."

"You'd guess right. Nothing deflates my mood more than realising that no matter how much I'd try I could never be as self sufficient as you without either serious investing or I can just work hard for the rest of my life. But that is more so jealousy."

"Tell me where you have money invested once I'm out and I can at the very least keep it steady. I doubt anyone would even think to charge me. I mean we are talking about a Farron just conducting business. It is impossible for me to not hinder some stock somewhere very visibly."

"And that is why I haven't told you. I want to enjoy the wild ride." Yuna said with a smile. "Would you like another cup of tea? It wouldn't be kava, I'm drinking the last cup of that. How about peppermint or lavender. You know before I poke and prod at the interaction I just in your mind probably saved you from." Yuna said as Lightning just smiled faintly at the gesture.

"You did save me. I have no idea what caused Vanille to do that. She knows I'll give her hugs but not surprise ones. I mean how are you even meant to respond to those?" Lightning said as she brought her knees up to her chest as she got comfortable in her seat. "And peppermint if you are offering. Lavender just tastes awful to me." Lightning continued as she could see Yuna just smiling as she nodded her head as she lowered her cup and stood up. "Like I know it is meant to be a popular flavour but I couldn't get used to it. I am someone who has eaten hay and raw rats. Lavender just upsets my stomach a little."

"I understand that. I'm the same way myself. But I keep it on hand because I know some people do enjoy it. Patients and staff alike. Like for example I know Rosa loves lavender tea. As does Vanille. She just doesn't like to admit it." Yuna spoke as she started to walk back over with a full cup of crisp smelling tea.

"She thinks it might make people make fun of her... same with liking flowers. It still hasn't registered with her that if it ever comes out that she is my girlfriend, people won't even breathe wrongly in her direction for fear of what I'd do because I'm a Farron. They can't do anything in retaliation."

"But we both know you wouldn't do anything. You know unless they do some actual harm to her. In which case woe to that person. Fang would just harm them physically. You'd make them wish for death to come."

"Yeah but that would also only be after years of them suffering on a very shallow decline with slight large dips so it just looks like the world is out to get them, and right when they are at the edge of their tether, I'd send them a noose with a letter detailing why I caused what I did and how it was only going to get worse in the coming days."

' _ **Yeah the only issue is you'd probably send them a gun and a single bullet with no letter. But that is also only fair if they harmed Vanille...'**_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

Sitting down Lightning just sighed gently as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew that the silence was going to be broken any minute by Vanille being... well herself. Something that normally Lightning didn't mind. She actually enjoyed it at points. Just with everything happening she was starting to feel a slight strain on her own well being.

"I'm surprised you are being so well behaved..." Lightning said to the voice as she could just hear the soft steps of slippers knowing that it was only going to be a patient and there was only one patient that ever really dared to enter her room like the person on the other end was clearly contemplating.

' _ **Because there is nothing for me to say really. You know I'm right. You can't push these people away. Strangely enough they care deeply about you. Just like Serah... unlike Serah they can't see as effectively through your bullshit. With the exception of Vanille.'**_

Smacking her head against the wall, Lightning groaned as she could feel a hand being placed behind her head causing her eyes to simply snap open and stare at the offending person whom she just groaned as she could see the same worried emerald eyes.

"I think you hit your head too hard when I wasn't here..." Vanille said as she began to force Lightning to lower her head. "I know you are going to get mad at me... but I swear I saw a red splotch and I know I'm going to need to apologise for earlier... but I still maintain I'm the worst girlfriend ever." Vanille said in a concerned tone as Lightning just sighed and accepted her treatment from Vanille. She clearly knew that there was no fighting this at this point.

"You aren't the worst girlfriend... you throw that around so much it has no value." Lightning hissed as Vanille gently touched a part of her head causing a sharp inhale through clenched teeth. "I don't even know what made you think that this time."

"Ignoring that for now... your head is bleeding." Vanille said as she looked down at her hand. "Or was..." she continued as she began to rub her hand against her top. "You should probably go to the medical area... they are going to want to know about this." Vanille scolded as Lightning just sighed as Vanille started to help her up.

Sighing as she accepted the hand Lightning reached up with her free hand to just gently dab at her head here she sighed as she could feel the sticky feeling of blood starting to clot but she could still feel some of it seeping out fresh from where her fingers broke the jelled form. "You are aware they are just going to kick you out so you can go inform Rosa or Yuna... they both are on call right now I think."

"Yeah but I might have sprained my wrist lunging to try and soften a blow. And I know you are going to be about it but I'm fairly fine... just my wrist and hand is a little sore from _my_ actions. Not your own. Don't take it out on yourself." Vanille scolded preemptively knowing that if she didn't she might not get her hand and wrist looked at even though it really hurt right now, because Lightning would have harmed herself into the hospital because Lightning did swing her head back pretty hard. Vanille was positive that she had at least sprained her wrist in the action if she didn't break something.

"I'm sorry." Lightning said softly as Vanille just rolled her eyes and was about to smack Lightning's head when she thought better of it.

"Light. I did it knowing that I could have injured myself. I don't care. I just saw what I thought was blood and you doing that head smacking thing a lot harder and I just had to step in." Vanille said in a soft tone as she could see Lightning just rolling her eyes at the comment. "Last time I asked you not to do it we got into a fight. And I don't like fighting with you. I always come off as rightfully worried or just beyond crazy at you doing something fairly normal and last time it was the latter and I don't want that to repeat. Because Yuna isn't on call and Rosa would just get judgey."

"How is it that you are always worried about people judging you? You are aware as long as we are a couple no one will judge you when you don't want them too right? Just out of fear of what I'd do."

"Yeah I know... but the doctors don't care... and Rosa still judges about a lot of things. Even if she'd never admit it. Like how I'm pretty sure she still judges at my choice in self harm."

"I judge you on that. Burns are the worst ones, cutting is so much easier and just as effective."

"But harder to hide and even harder to get a sharp implement to cause it. I mean because of me we've already had pencils banned, certain types of paint and this is my personal favourite tin foil." Vanille said as Lightning stopped mid stride to stare at her. "The tin foil was because I learned before the last big remodel before you came that I could trip the power and unlock all the doors with nothing but a piece of tin foil and an unscrewed light bulb. But they fixed that... damn recessed lighting."

"How have you not set a fire yet?"

"I have... that is why we can't have pencils." Vanille said as she opened the door to the medical area open with her bad hand before winced and quickly swapped hands as she bit her lip. Seeing one of the nurses behind the counter recognise them as she walked out from behind the protective glass.

"You know the routine Vanille." The nurse said as Lightning took a seat with a smirk as Vanille just smiled at the woman.

"Not this time. I actually hurt my hand when I was helping Lightning..." Vanille said as she showed her hand that had started to develop a light purple shading. Seeing the nurse walk towards her to just gently grasp at Vanille's finger tips to examine the appendage. "It was an accident and I can still move my wrist a little."

Sighing as she let go of the hand, the nurse just took a deep breath. "Take a seat next to Lightning. I'll get an orderly. But you'll need to explain your side. This is going to be a first time though that you were actually injured outside of self harm. Pity it is looking like a bad sprain."

As the Nurse spoke, Vanille got comfortable next to Lightning who gently took the hand and examined the damage that she had inadvertently caused. She wasn't sure if she should scold Vanille or herself first. But she had to admit the darkening wrist was causing her some worry. "I wish you didn't act so cavalierly with your body."

"And I wish you would stop hurting yourself... or ignoring the pain you've got to be in for something as stupid as a normal thing people do... most people don't smack their head against a wall till their heads are bleeding." Vanille snapped as at Lightning as she just sighed. "And what does that mean?" Vanille asked as she gently took her hand back as she started to sit up on her knees as she walked around to get a better look at Lightning's head.

"It means dismissive. I don't like it when you are dismissive when it comes to your body." Lightning said as Vanille plopped down behind her. "What are you doing back there?"

"Enjoying the hippo thingy you talked about a few months ago." Vanille said as she just leaned forward and rested her head on her shoulder. "And you've got to let me braid your hair with some flowers that Yuel will let me pick... you know once your noggin heals."

"I'm not a hypocrite. I just don't care about my physical health. My body can take a major beating. And I just tend to tune out pain." Lightning said as she could hear the door open once again causing Vanille to quickly scurry back to sitting next to Lightning. "And seriously what were you doing?"

"Nothing. I just like feeling your hair... somehow it is always soft and silky. No split ends... and I really really like the colour. Especially when it is running through my fingers." Vanille said softly as she looked over to see Rosa walking in rubbing her eyes. "This time I'm hurt too..." Vanille said as she held up her hand."

Walking over towards her, Rosa took the hand and gently started to move it before Vanille let out a pained scream. "It's a grade two sprain by the looks of it. Which is serious but not off site serious. Just means you will be getting a splint to support your wrist and hand until it heals." Rosa said as she let go and walked over towards Lightning and gently looked at her as if asking what was the matter when Lightning just bent her head downwards to show clumps of pink strands sticking together with a dark crimson red. "Please tell me that Vanille pelted your head with paint and while pulling her hand back she smacked it against a wall or door." Rosa said as she just sighed slightly angrily.

Shoving Lightning's shoulder, Vanille just glared at the woman who just sighed. "I was just hitting my head against a wall to try and think and Vanille stuck her hand to soften a blow." Lightning said as Vanille stuck her chest out in pride at the fact that she knew that she was going to be able to gloat a little bit over Yuna who said that she doubted that Lightning would have hurt herself like that.

"We are going to need to send you to get your head scanned to see if you didn't give yourself a concussion or other types of brain damage. Despite the fact that it looks superficial. And we might as well get Vanille's hand checked out on the off chance that you did serious damage." Rosa began as she walked into the nurse station where she picked up a phone and quickly dialled a number.

"Does this mean I get out of learning to write but still get all the rewards?" Vanille asked in a whisper as she could see Lightning tilting her head upwards as she just sighed.

"I've a lot of other things on my mind Vanille. Like how I could have let myself hurt you." Lightning whispered as Vanille gently batted Lightning's shoulder groaning slightly as she could hear a loud tap against the window that she knew was Rosa getting mad at the interaction but she couldn't come into the room to scold them.

"Light. I'm not a fragile person. You know that." Vanille commented as she looked at her hand before she just sighed gently. "But I suppose it did take you a long time to not assume you could take advantage of me when we make out on your first instinct. Nothing kills the mood quicker than needing to convince your girlfriend she isn't raping you." Vanille continued as she gently raised her injured hand a little. "Although this time you might have just scored me some extra time outside over arts and crafts and in music I'll get to just stare at you because I can't play my instrument... might even be able to read a little during those times so yay."

"How can you always find the good in everything?" Lightning hissed as she looked into the window seeing Rosa just rubbing her eyes once again as she hung up the phone. "I could have broken your hand and you just see the good... I hurt you Vanille."

"I used to hurt myself all the time... so this is nothing."

"Right, Lightning, your mother has been informed and she is meeting us at the hospital to sign off on everything because I was lucky enough to catch her before she left to go back tomorrow morning. Vanille, what adult do you trust to go with you?"

"Yuna... you seem mad at me." Vanille said softly as Rosa just simply took a deep breath as she took her glasses off and just began to rub her eyes.

"I'm not mad at you for harming yourself trying to prevent a lot of possible damage Lightning would have done to herself. I'm mad at you hitting her... I know there was some sort of reasoning but I can assure you not a good enough one." Rosa said as she started to fix her glasses. "But if you want Yuna, I'll go give her a call."

"If you promise you aren't mad at me for doing the right thing, I'd rather you over Yuna because she is just coming off of a long long shift."

"I promise I'm not mad at you."

"Okay."

* * *

Rolling her eyes as she wrapped herself up as she could see the security guards parting, Mary just groaned slightly as she could hear the distinct sound of Serah deflating. "I don't know what happened, Serah. According to the doctors it is just a precautionary thing. Once I know more, I'll tell you. I was just informing you that I will be a bit longer down here."

" _I'm just worried Mom. I mean how can I not be? Last I knew she was being hauled back because she gave Noctis rightfully and hopefully a broken skull._ " Serah said as Mary just smiled at her youngest's concern. But she also knew how much of a hypochondriac she could be when it came to Lightning.

"I trust the doctors. They haven't led us wrong. And you know how once something gets lodged into her head, your sister doesn't talk about it until all her thoughts are in an orderly line. And even then you know it is kind of hard to get her onto certain topics... and it is like getting blood from a stone when you are here." Mary countered as she just knew that Serah was deflating at that simple comment. "Pretty sure the blood from a stone is slightly easier though."

" _I hate it whenever everyone is right about this and thereby forcing me to stay here logically._ " Serah complained as Mary just smiled seeing the doors open as her chauffeuse opened the door for her. " _Please just let me know what is wrong with her. And I'll let the staff know that you won't be back for another few days."_

"Thank you Serah, I'll be sure to let you know. But Rosa sounded like it was actually an accident that had caused this and I'm inclined to think that is what happened knowing your sister. I promise I'll tell you though if it is anything major outside of Lightning forgetting blood is meant to stay on the inside."

" _Thanks Mom... and if she isn't too bad, smack her over the back of the head for me... it isn't fair that I can handle the stresses of effectively ruling the world and signing away long established businesses for their practices leaving people destitute but just hearing my sister might have broken her head again is what is going to keep me up at night._ "

"Okay Serah, I've got to go now."

* * *

Bouncing in her seat on the bed, Vanille just smiled as she looked over to see Lightning's doctor finishing the bandaging. Even if they still had to have her head scanned, she was still just happy that she could see Lightning interacting with her mother in a very sullen mood.

It was always one of the sweetest things that she could see. Even when Lightning had maintained her stance that her mother didn't show that much love and affection, Vanille could see that she really really did.

Feeling a hand being placed on her shoulder, Vanille just sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just happy... even though I still don't like how they don't have any of the painkillers I'm used to." Vanille said as Rosa just shook her head. As she could see Mary walking back into the room.

"No hospital outside of really small villages would carry herbal remedies." Rosa said as Mary just gently hugged Lightning causing Vanille to smile.

It had always brought a smile to her face when she had seen Lightning accept hugs like that. Even if it did also always come with a pang of jealousy. One that always faded like clockwork two minutes into the hugs when Lightning started to worm her way free. It was a sick sort of joy at the fact that she was free to enjoy the longer hugs that she doubted even Serah was allowed.

"It is what I'm used to. Plus I think it works faster." Vanille started as she looked around before lowering her voice to a whisper. "My hand actually really really hurts but I don't want to say it out loud in case Lightning takes her anger of the situation out on herself and I don't want her to end up in solitary for a long time."

"We can't give you anything more powerful Vanille. Especially with the medication you are on. It can kill you or even not work at all. And as is, you do know I'm going to need to send Lightning into solitary for a day for her own protection."

Falling backwards with a loud groan, Vanille just started to grumble. "You've no idea how hard it is to really enjoy quality time when there is a steel door in the way..."

"What makes you think I don't know what that is like? My husband was a warrior, and wrongfully imprisoned. I know what it is like to go months at a time with no contact. But I would rather that than to try and communicate through six feet of earth and a pine box."

Rolling onto her side, Vanille just sighed dejectedly. "I hate it when you make good points like that."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

' _ **And that is two minutes.. Actually it is a little surprising that you haven't snapped just yet. Like i know why but come on.'**_

As she started to squirm to try and get out of the embrace, Lightning just groaned as she could feel her mother fighting to squeeze even the slightest amounts more from the embrace. Simply smiling as she could see the message eventually getting through to the older woman.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Mary just smiled as she took her daughter's hands into her own. "I'm sorry, I know it is meant to only be as long as you are comfortable, but I just had to... I don't even know what happened. You seemed so fine the last time we talked..." Mary spoke as Lightning just pulled her knees up to her chest.

"It's fine... I had to remind myself you weren't trying to hurt me but it's fine I don't mind."

' _ **Liar... you do mind, you mind very much.'**_

"I was just trying to think and I must have been hitting my head harder than I thought. I mean I hurt Vanille bad..." Lightning said with a soft and deeply hurt tone that she knew her mother was going to be able to pick up on, but she didn't care. She was too mad at herself to even care if it came out to her mother that her and Vanille were in a relationship. She just wanted to feel bad.

"She doesn't seem like she holds it against you Light..." Mary said just trying to soothe her daughter. She knew from experience how this often ended. Once Lightning got an idea it tended to blow up in the worst possible ways and she just didn't want to see that happen here. She just wanted her daughter to be safe.

"She should though... Father was right... I just hurt people I shouldn't." Lightning said as she could feel herself curling in further mentally, but she truly didn't care. she doubted she ever would. She wasn't even sure if she could still register mentally that her mother was even there at this point.

Hearing that simple statement nearly broke Mary's heart. She knew that her late husband had done some awful things and to a lot of people. Including their own daughter. But she wasn't aware that he had cut her that deep. It was something that was extremely concerning to her but she did know that the doctors would help her. She just wished that it wasn't something that she had to hear that she had picked the seemingly worst person ever to father children with.

"Your father is wrong Light... we both know he was often wrong and when it was proven that he was wrong, he'd go to great lengths to change the facts so he was right. Vanille doesn't hold it against you... she just wanted to help you. And I don't blame her. You mean a lot to a lot of people."

"Then why do I hurt everyone?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she just took a deep breath as she glanced over and looked at Vanille sitting up as she offered her hand to have a temporary cast put on it. It was something that just seemed to make her relax a little because she knew unlike her in the past Vanille's injuries were being looked at by a professional instead of needing to treat it herself. Lightning still wasn't sure if it was luck or what that prevented her from dying from infection.

Smiling an old faithful when it came to a lot of topics Mary simply smiled a false smile. As she was about to speak, Lightning beat her to it. "Don't do the fake smile Mom. I hate it when you do that... I hate it when anyone does that. When I get out I swear that will be the only selfish thing I do where I force countries to make it illegal."

"I know you do hate it... but I hate it when you think that is all you do. You matter a lot to me and a lot to Serah. And I know if I was in Vanille's situation, I'd happily sacrifice my hand if you were hitting your head long enough and hard enough to cause you to break the skin on your head."

' _ **Believe me when I say this Light because I hate agreeing with your mother... she is right. You know your father was someone who feared you. He was always looking for ways to tear you down and keep you there. And like always you couldn't stay down and ended up striving.'**_

"Shut up..." Lightning hissed softly as she took a deep breath to just try and think about how she was going to need to explain this to her mother if she was asked anything about it. The only solace that she had was the fact that she also knew her mother wouldn't tend to ask about things like that. "I'm sorry mom... that wasn't at you." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath as she closed her eyes gently as she reached up with her free hand to just gently feel the bandages. "And now I'm going to wind up in solitary for a day or two... and it will probably be for the best. Parts of my brain are already figuring out ways to break my hands in my room."

"Lightning... you know that will hurt me and Vanille and if Serah got wind of it..." Mary said as Lightning just sighed knowing that the point didn't need to be finished really. She already knew that it would be more shocking if Serah didn't want to turn the world asunder and punish Lightning in her own weirdly childish manner for harming herself. Like demanding to paint her fingernails.

The simple thought was enough to make her blood go cold and send a shiver up her spine. "Please don't tell her that I'm here right now..."

Wincing slightly Mary just took a deep breath as she started to run her thumb over Lightning's knuckles. "I kind of already did. As so she doesn't worry about me not showing up tomorrow night like I had initially planned. And while she was irritated she didn't seem her normal level of mad." Mary said as Lightning just sighed and shrunk in on herself.

"That is because she is going to do something vile to me... like make me talk... about do something stupid that only she would find interesting. Or do my hair..." Lightning said in an almost sullen manner as Mary just laughed gently as she could see Lightning look at her confused.

"It never ceases to amaze me what you consider vile... I still remember the last time when she braided your hair and you thought it was hell. Not the real hell you've been through." Mary said as Lightning just smiled faintly at the clarification.

"That _was_ hell. And my experiences should just be proof that I know what hell is like. And she said this time it would be something far worse. Which can only mean one of two things. And both of them are enough to make me want to be put in solitary so I don't need to refuse her visits." Lightning mumbled softly as she could see her mother just smiling and shaking her head gently.

"I'm not even going to try and reason with you there. It is just a sign that she cares though." Mary said as Lightning just rolled her eyes at the comment.

"It is awful..." Lightning spoke as she could see Rosa and the doctor leaving the room with Vanille to what she just knew was to get her hand properly checked. But she was just hopeful that it would be fine and just looked bad. She still wasn't sure if she shouldn't at least try and break her head at this point... she had caused such major pain to Vanille.

' _ **I agree with you Light... Serah does a lot of awful things like that... could you imagine what she'd do if we had actually done major damage besides just breaking skin? I shudder at the thought.'**_

* * *

Sitting down in the chair waiting for the x-ray machine to be free, Vanille turned to Rosa as she felt like this was something that she should also tell her about. "Did Areith talk to you?"

"She did. Don't worry about the situation right now Vanille. It is being taken care of." Rosa said as she could see Vanille just sighing gently. "Nothing bad is going to happen to Lann. We are just going to keep an eye on him for a while. And Hope is going to have a few orderlies nearby at all times just to make sure."

"He may have been a butt head recently towards Lightning... but Hope is still a good friend... I don't want him to get hurt. And if Lann is anything like Lightning then he could really really hurt him." Vanille muttered softly as Rosa just smiled at her as she gently lowered a hand onto her shoulder as she knelt down to be at eye level with her. "I know he isn't... but it still is a risk. That I can't let a good friend take."

"And that is an admirable quality Vanille. But this isn't something that you can just will away. This is a risk we are aware of with every patient and we are just as worried as you are so you just need to trust us." Rosa said as Vanille just sighed as she looked into her lap.

"You don't think Lann actually will harm him do you? I mean according to the rumours him and his sister tried to kill their mother because of the voices they hear... and if that is true..." Vanille mumbled softly as she could feel Rosa just raising her hand.

"I can't tell you if that rumour is true or not Vanille. But regardless, patient safety is the one of the top things I worry about. It is why I don't let Lightning out of solitary when she hurts someone and in the same breath it really isn't solitary because I let you down there to talk to her. And let her have books or anything else to keep her mind active in the rooms." Rosa said as she could see the doctor coming back out of the room. "But let's get your hand scanned and eventually tonight a cast put on."

"Okay..." Vanille said as she stood up and followed Rosa into the dark room. "For the record though, my wrist still really hurts... all this is doing is giving me more reasons to hate those stupid pills." Vanille mumbled as Rosa just smiled faintly at her.

"Once we know the damage Vanille we can work on getting you something to numb that pain. But we need to wait to know if it is serious enough to warrant other steps first." Rosa said in a concerned tone as she could see Vanille looking at her confused. "Nothing major. Just there are a lot of tiny bones in the hand and wrist and Fang because she isn't here is aware that I'm acting in her stead."

"Stupid evolution... can't take two types of pills. My hand is killing me and now that Lightning isn't around I really want to cry but I can't because she would pick up on my having cried..." Vanille mumbled angrily as she could see Rosa gesturing to climb up onto the bed. "Why does being a good girlfriend always seem to be so hard but so rewarding" Vanille mumbled as Rosa just smiled faintly at her.

Donning the apron being handed to her, Rosa just smiled as she watched the radiologist gently moving Vanille to get a clear image of her hand. It was something that was a little simple to her but she also knew that it was going to be a hard thing to watch because she knew that if it was bad she was going to need to watch Lightning like a hawk.

"It doesn't get any easier Vanille. I've been married longer than you've been alive and I still want to tear my hair out when it comes to my husband."

* * *

Leaning back, Lightning just sighed as she closed her eyes as she felt her mother jostle her. "I'm not sleeping." Lightning said as she took a deep breath. "Thanks for making sure my concussion doesn't evolve into something worse. Even if that is an old wives' tale nowadays. In fact they actually encourage sleeping longer for a few days."

"I know my eldest Claire. And I know you hate it when you sleep more than four hours."

"She says not realising for years that her eldest has a slew of mental health issues... you know until her youngest caught said eldest almost impaling her arm with a knife." Lightning said as she opened her eyes to see her mother just looking hurt. "Sorry. I'm just irritable right now because of the concussion... but you are right. I don't like to sleep for long periods... but that is purely because of Dysley. And Yuna says that is something that will fade with time and I start to get more comfortable in most things."

"I know you probably don't mean it Claire, but it still cuts me surprisingly deep. I just can't believe I never noticed the signs. And there were many."

"Serah didn't even notice the signs Mom. And we both know how I can never get anything past her. And there were a lot of attempts to hide things. Including several times where she forced me to come to you while I was bleeding from a cut that she didn't trust me enough to mend myself. Even though I've done it countless times before."

"Yes but you don't need to now..." Mary spoke softly as Lightning just sighed as she started to sit upright again. She knew that her mother was trying to be nice and possibly still believed the old way of needing to keep her awake for a day, "And I'm still your mother. I can tell when you are hungry and trying to hide it but I couldn't figure out your own troubles."

"Nobody knew. No one I trust from that time I got back didn't know. I hid everything and largely still do because I know everyone isn't nearly as comfortable as I am with everything from my past. I know out of everyone the only person that would be remotely comfortable with me going at length would be Auron." Lightning said as she just sighed as she gently grabbed her mother's hand and pulled her into a hug. She knew that it was something that was shocking her mother but it was still something that she had to do because she knew how it would affect her mother if she didn't. "Not that I hide things from you to be malicious Mom. I do it because I know you and just about everyone can't handle it. And I don't want you to know everything." Lightning whispered as she could feel her mother returning the hug with what she just knew was a smile going to be on her face at the sudden hug.

She knew that it wasn't going to do much besides just breaking her mother off this lengthy and traitorous train of thoughts. She knew at least in the case of Serah it was something that her mother would dwell on. Something that she didn't want if her mother was meant to stem the chaos that will be when Serah comes back with her myriad of cosmetics to make Lightning rue even coming back from the Purge.

Hearing the door open, Lightning opened her eyes to see Rosa walking into the room with Vanille smiling an almost dry smile as she Lightning could see her trying to rip the cast on her arm off as if she was just trying to scratch an itch that alone caused Lightning to chuckle a little as Vanille quickly hopped up onto the bed as she just sighed.

"Mary, can we have a word outside? It isn't anything major. Just these two need to rest a little and I'd like to have a word or two with you." Rosa said as Lightning just smiled as her mother pulled back a little to stare into Lightning's eyes.

"I'm going to be fine Mom. I promise. I'm just going to try and get some sleep and Vanille probably will be doing the same." Lightning spoke as if she could just see her mother relaxing at the comment, as if it was satisfactory.

Turning around at the door, Rosa just looked at Vanille. "Remember what we talked about Vanille. Just go to sleep." Rosa said in a stern tone as Vanille deflated as she quickly pulled the blanket up as she rolled onto her side to just look at Lightning.

Seeing the door close, Lightning smiled as she almost fell onto her side to look at Vanille. "How is your hand doing?" Lightning asked as Vanille just smiled at her in what she had hoped was a disarming one as Lightning just simply stared into her eyes as she sat up. "How much is it hurting?"

"Not bad. I promise. Just it is a little sore but they couldn't give me anything stronger because of my medication." Vanille said as she just stared at her girlfriend. "Rosa just didn't want me to climb into bed with you. Because I really wanted to… but she feared that you'd do something dangerous and stupid. Inadvertently because you harmed me again this time it is not being by my own doing." Vanille said as Lightning stared at her harsher. "I swear Lightning. I swear on Scruffy… and you know he means a lot more to me than any other animal."

"Okay… just tell me the truth when you feel comfortable."

"I am telling you the truth Lightning."

' _ **If she wasn't then why would she be trying to relax you like this? Come on Light relax.'**_


End file.
